miss_jaclynrae Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Title says it all.Wasn't sure where to post this, but I'm curious! Is marriage still as important? Do you still believe in it? Would you go it again?
Emilia Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I'm not sure I would do it again because divorce was so traumatic but my views on marriage haven't changed. I think it can work very well with the right person. Have yours changed, OP? 1
Woggle Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 It works very much with the kind of person who is the right marriage partner. These days those people are extremely rare. 1
Damia Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I will put my hand up.....yes I am very cynical about marriage I don't think I will ever go that path again At this point in my life I have found I enjoy being single and regard my independence as a gift Although I will not fight to hard to be proven wrong:D
carhill Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Is marriage still as important? It surely is to many of the people I count as loved ones. I don't have a strong opinion on it anymore, one way or another, but respect people who do. Do you still believe in it? Yes, but not strongly as before. Perhaps that is colored by being beyond what is considered normal child-rearing years. I always connected marriage with family and children. Would you go it again? Yes.
redtail Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I don't believe anyone can go through a divorce and not have it affect how they view marriage. I never saw my divorce as a negative against marriage so much as a marriage with the wrong person. So for me, my standards for a partner went way up. 1
CarrieT Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I was married at 20 and divorced at 25. For twenty years after that, I SWORE that I would never get married again. My divorce devastated me and it also made relationships in general much more disposable. I had three long-term relationships (3 years, 11 years, and 2 1/2 years) in those subsequent decades. It was only recently that I changed my mind and now, coming close to my 50th year, am I reconsidering the institution of marriage with a man who showed me that there is hope and it is possible to have a successful relationship that isn't predisposed towards failure. 3
Emilia Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Sometimes I wonder how soserious1 is doing. Has anyone heard from her at all recently? She was always posting about her marriage. 1
LittleTiger Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone but I would highly recommend marriage - if you believe you're ready for it. I loved my ex husband and, when we were happy together, I loved being married. My divorce affected my views of myself more than it did marriage as an institution. I got married at 34 (divorced at 44) but I know now, even at that age, I wasn't emotionally or personally developed enough to be in an equal partnership with anyone - nor was he. So, although our marriage was mostly happy, it wasn't very healthy and I completely understand why it didn't work out. I became a different person after my divorce - I grew up, learned a lot about myself, about men and about relationships, and I found a man who is a great match for the new me. I can't wait to marry him. 3
BetheButterfly Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Title says it all.Wasn't sure where to post this, but I'm curious! Yes. My divorce from my first husband made me realize that it's really important to promise commitment and vows to someone who has similar expectations in the marriage. It also taught me that love between a couple "in love" is a delicate plant, if you will. If you don't feed it and care for it, love dies. There are a lot of bugs and weeds out there that can kill love, and it's important to weed out what kills love, such as anger, jealousy, and so on. It's super duper important to communicate and be for each other, instead of against each other. Is marriage still as important?Even more so now. Do you still believe in it?Yep, even more so! Would you go it again?I did, and I 100% do not regret it!!! Of course, I don't know what the future holds, but our hopes and desires that my husband and I share is the dream to grow old together, and to together make the world a better place! :bunny: 3
BetheButterfly Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I became a different person after my divorce - I grew up, learned a lot about myself, about men and about relationships, and I found a man who is a great match for the new me. Me too!!! I can't wait to marry him:). Congratulations LittleTiger!!! Much blessings!!! 1
Arabella Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I became a different person after my divorce - I grew up, learned a lot about myself, about men and about relationships, and I found a man who is a great match for the new me. I can't wait to marry him. I second this! I married when I was 20 years old -- big mistake. He wasn't ready for marriage, and neither was I. The break up was definitely traumatic. It took me a couple of years to finally come to term with the fact that I had to leave, and eventually I did... but it took a great deal of strength to pull myself together to do it. As a result, I grew a lot as a person. The divorce itself was a piece of cake. We didn't even do it until nearly 4 years later (6 months ago). We were friendly and respectful with each other so it was easy to handle. When we split, we just talked everything over, divided everything up, and by the time we went to the lawyer 4 years later, it was all done for them already. He even helped me get the divorce expedited by signing an affidavit consenting to it. I am marrying again next month. I am 29 years old now, and I've learned quite a bit of the do's and dont's of relationships. I feel that my first marriage better prepared me to succeed this time around, and I actually take it much more seriously now than I did then. Given my failed first marriage, I've spent A LOT of time thinking about what went wrong, and whether this is something I even want again. I've questioned everything, and after everything... here I am, still getting married again. So, yes... I still believe in marriage, and I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I made the first time around. 4
Tiberius Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Marriage makes sense when you benefit of it. If you have the chance to marry a millionaire do it. If you are the millionaire all you need is love.
TouchedSoul Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Although I’m not divorced, here’s my two cents. I believe marriage can be a good thing (quite beautiful in fact) if each partner is willing to purpose one another’s highest good. If not, marriage can be either tolerable or miserable mixed with loneliness. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Sometimes I wonder how soserious1 is doing. Has anyone heard from her at all recently? Funny, I've been thinking and wondering about her a lot recently myself. I sure hope she's found some peace about all that. Personally, though I was devastated by the demise of my first marriage (and honestly I am starting to think I have post traumatic stress from it - seriously - and might need to get help about it) I STILL believe in marriage if it's for the right reasons. My idea of what those reasons are, though, seem to differ pretty extremely from those of many posters around here and of people in general.
Silly_Girl Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I second this! I married when I was 20 years old -- big mistake. He wasn't ready for marriage, and neither was I. The break up was definitely traumatic. It took me a couple of years to finally come to term with the fact that I had to leave, and eventually I did... but it took a great deal of strength to pull myself together to do it. As a result, I grew a lot as a person. The divorce itself was a piece of cake. We didn't even do it until nearly 4 years later (6 months ago). We were friendly and respectful with each other so it was easy to handle. When we split, we just talked everything over, divided everything up, and by the time we went to the lawyer 4 years later, it was all done for them already. He even helped me get the divorce expedited by signing an affidavit consenting to it. I am marrying again next month. I am 29 years old now, and I've learned quite a bit of the do's and dont's of relationships. I feel that my first marriage better prepared me to succeed this time around, and I actually take it much more seriously now than I did then. Given my failed first marriage, I've spent A LOT of time thinking about what went wrong, and whether this is something I even want again. I've questioned everything, and after everything... here I am, still getting married again. So, yes... I still believe in marriage, and I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I made the first time around. This is so similar to my own situation. I was 19. I decided to leave, 5 years in. Took me another 5 years to forgive myself for doing so, which funnily enough coincided with the official divorce. I thought long and hard, whilst single and whilst in other relationships about the merits of marriage. I went in somewhat cautious, and thrashed out a lot of thoughts and worries with my OH, and separately with my counsellor. Not worries about our relationship, goodness no, but '*this* happens to a lot of couples, *that* happens to a lot of couples, what if those things happen to *us*?' type ponderings. My OH was patient and I grew to feel more confident. My lack of confidence was purely related to myself. I now feel great about it and, same as the above, absolutely utterly determined not to make the same mistakes again, but also to try and spot as early as possible anything that could potentially throw us off-track. It doesn't guarantee nothing will go wrong, but we plan to try our best. 2
Woggle Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 My mistake was who I married and not getting married in and of itself. 2
sweetkiwi Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Title says it all.Wasn't sure where to post this, but I'm curious! Is marriage still as important? Do you still believe in it? Would you go it again? My parents got divorced when I was very young. It was a very nasty situation. And it wasn't the first time for either of them. As a result I take marriage very seriously, and if/when I get married, I absolutely do not want to divorce.
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