J_L_C Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Hi everyone...it's been a long time since I posted. I've been doing "better" over the past month or so. I've backed off my ex completely despite the hope that he'd have answered my email way back in May when I asked him to just catch up over coffee. Needless to say it never happened. I've been pretty good with keeping my thoughts distracted. I've even started my rtms sessions so we'll see what that brings, but it's coming up to the anniversary of our breakup. I can't believe it's been a year. What a rough eff'ing year too. I'm starting to feel emotions flooding in again and I don't want a full on meltdown when the day comes. I keep having flashes of thoughts about what it was like this time a year ago and not knowing what was coming. I was blind to it. I'm just wondering if anyone else has some helpful tips or advice as to how you've gone about this hard day coming up?
Author J_L_C Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Thanks. I do plan to keep myself busy. It was a really unexpected breakup so my thoughts have started drifting to how stupid I feel for not knowing what was coming a year ago this time. I know myself and I'm just worried about ruminating the entire day and running the scenario around and around in my head. It's a tough day that I anticipate but I need to get through it.
robaday Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Might say something different to everyone else here and I may be way off! But here goes.....6 years ago I lost a close friend tragically, it was sudden and traumatized me for years - I went on drugs, attempted suicide and really messed myself up. Part of the reason I lost it was cause I didnt grieve for a long time, buried it, pretended it didnt happen. Now every year, I book the day off on the anniversary and sit and think about him, allow the pain to wash all over me, cry, and then Im good to go the following day and the day after......sounds miserable or negative, but its healing and allows me to confront the pain head on...... You suffered a big loss clearly if your feeling it a year later - have you grieved properly? allowed yourself to face the fact hes never coming back? or have you buried it? pretended it didnt happen and youll deal with it another time? Just asking cause sometimes we have to confront the pain head on to fully let go 1
Zahara Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 The break-up may have happened a year ago but the OP only recently stopped contact with him, whereby contact kept her reliving her pain with him.
Author J_L_C Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 I have definitely grieved and then some. But it is also true that I remained in contact with him far longer than what would be considered "normal". At first it started because I wanted to understand why it ended out of nowhere. Then I tried to beg and plead him back until finally it was all just nastiness back and forth. We finally ended with some positive communications but it still hurts to know that someone I was THAT close with, never wants to see me again. So this upcoming date, a year since our breakup, is starting to wear on me. I'm not thinking about the details and obsessing, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it at all. It still hurts....a year later. Honestly, I was reading over a few journal entries shortly after the breakup and asked myself if I would be laughing over this a year from now...sadly not.
frostythesnowman Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I have definitely grieved and then some. But it is also true that I remained in contact with him far longer than what would be considered "normal". At first it started because I wanted to understand why it ended out of nowhere. Then I tried to beg and plead him back until finally it was all just nastiness back and forth. We finally ended with some positive communications but it still hurts to know that someone I was THAT close with, never wants to see me again. So this upcoming date, a year since our breakup, is starting to wear on me. I'm not thinking about the details and obsessing, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it at all. It still hurts....a year later. Honestly, I was reading over a few journal entries shortly after the breakup and asked myself if I would be laughing over this a year from now...sadly not. I know what it's like. My ex broke up with me over TWO years ago. Sadly, I did not stop contacting her right after, and she kept me on a hook up until a month ago when I seriously decided to cut her out of my life. This was a while back, not recently. My one year with my ex was about a month or so after we broke up. I remember her making a somewhat big deal about her one year with her last ex even after they broke up, so I guess I was expecting her to do the same with me, someone who she "cared so much about". Basically, she didnt say anything to me all day, I texted her "happy one year...." at midnight, she had forgotten, called me, and somehow that escalated to us yelling at each other and her laughing at my sadness. Not saying this is how it'll go for you, but my point is you shouldn't think anything of it. You're broken up now, so just get through it like any other day.
jphcbpa Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Do something nice for yourself. Take a trip even if it is just overnight and not too far way. Get a massage, treat yourself to a nice meal, ect.
Author J_L_C Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 I guess I just really have a different view when it comes to breakups than most people. If someone meant something to me and it wasnt a bad breakup, I would still want them to know they mean something, even just a little. I do not expect to hear from him on this day at all though. Don't get me wrong. My birthday is around the same time tho and I know I won't hear a thing. THAT HURTS. I would still wish that other person a good day. Between this and the one year mark, I feel like I'm spiralling again
Echo000 Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 i can relate to OP even though i dont plan on holding on a whole year later. Cut contact way before that. But for some reason, what my ex thinks of me matters to me. When I know it shouldnt. Why do we care? And yes, i know its really not about them but us.
Inviv_girl Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Hi everyone...it's been a long time since I posted. I've been doing "better" over the past month or so. I've backed off my ex completely despite the hope that he'd have answered my email way back in May when I asked him to just catch up over coffee. Needless to say it never happened. I've been pretty good with keeping my thoughts distracted. I've even started my rtms sessions so we'll see what that brings, but it's coming up to the anniversary of our breakup. I can't believe it's been a year. What a rough eff'ing year too. I'm starting to feel emotions flooding in again and I don't want a full on meltdown when the day comes. I keep having flashes of thoughts about what it was like this time a year ago and not knowing what was coming. I was blind to it. I'm just wondering if anyone else has some helpful tips or advice as to how you've gone about this hard day coming up? Hey I feel for you as I am almost a year also and I still feel hurt at some point. Some people might say I'm crazy after this long period I should be moving on and don't even think about him but people are people and we all have different stage of recovery and mine just toooo slooowww..., Well I am moving on, knowing he is not coming back hurt. Remember the good times together hurt me most. I try not to think about it... I can't even imagine if I am being replaced by now.. no I don't want to know any of that *****zz. I stay away from any friends of his, our friends in common and anything.. anything about him I just don't want to know. He didn't greet me on my birthday, it hurts!!!! honesty I'm not very happy with my birthday this year. Years before was so happy he's on my side and we celebrate birthdays, but now.... he dumped me. Anyway... so.. Just get yourself busy, find activities. You can take your time to grieve by yourself once more, or just spend times with your friends or family it is up to you what you think you feel like doing. I had a sudden panic attack again last night on my sleep, after I the dream about him few weeks ago, last night I woke up from dream and cry all of sudden like hell for 5 minutes.. about... and then I stopped and force myself to think of something else and go back to sleep. One year anniv of our break up is approaching and it freaks me out to think about it! Let me know how you going, please keep me update. Please take care of yourself and try not to think about it. Send you big hugs!!!
Author J_L_C Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Thanks for all the advice. I think I am just really having an especially difficult time because of the impending doom's day. I am going to try my best to keep busy. I just keep thinking back to this time last year and how in love I was and how OBLVIOUS I was to the way he was feeling. In fairness to me, he never once alluded to any issues along the way. That was HIS failing in not openly communicating with me. I know he was a complete a$$ to me in the way he ended things and in the way he treated me afterwards, but it still hurts. How do you go about this day when it is still extremely painful?
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