worldexploded Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 My ex broke up with me May 19. I’m 21 he’s 20. He left me feeling I was too dependent on him. He said it was because I didn’t have a car. (I also was having trouble getting back to school, stress at home etc.) I never treated him like a taxi. I made it clear to him I wanted things to change. The day we broke up he came by my house to get his jacket. When I handed him that along with small things he had given to me in the pockets I told him “Well, I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you”. He began to say things like “We just aren’t going to change” and “I can’t keep dating the same girl from a year ago”. He had tears in his eyes and was speaking in such a small voice. I didn’t get emotional or start pleading, I just told him that you can’t expect someone’s life to turn around in a month. I made small steps to become more independent in my life to show him I was progressing but I guess it wasn’t enough. After saying that he’s waited too long for me I just said “Whatever” and walked back in to the house. Since then I haven’t tried to contact him. To help my healing process I deleted him from facebook and deactivated my account. After two weeks I activated it again discovering that he had blocked me. It bothered me a little because I didn’t want him to think I hated him. I was glad I didn’t show any anger or became upset in front of him because he means a lot to me. We lost our virginity to each other and he was very sweet to me while we were together. I also made sure to be sweet to him. I would like to maintain some sort of relationship in the future, maybe get back together. I truly believe he made a mistake. I know what my part was in the break up but I feel like he thinks he did no wrong. Will he ever wise up? What is he trying to find?
coffeebean201 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 he thinks he can upgrade. you know how much a man loves you when he deals with problem after problem in your life, he constantly prods you to do better, be better. but he also appreciates your good points and doesn't just focus on your bad points. he works on fixing his problems. and neither of you is perfect. but better he let you know now so you can find someone who brings out the best in you, and you in him. 2
Author worldexploded Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 he thinks he can upgrade. you know how much a man loves you when he deals with problem after problem in your life, he constantly prods you to do better, be better. but he also appreciates your good points and doesn't just focus on your bad points. he works on fixing his problems. and neither of you is perfect. but better he let you know now so you can find someone who brings out the best in you, and you in him. Wow, I appreciate your answer. Thank you
jesha Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I was in the same boat where the major stresser in my relationship was that my ex boyfriend worked 40 hours a week/paid his own bills/had a nice car, and I didn't have my license yet and was just going to school and was completely dependent on my parents and he felt like our relationship wasn't equal, and he was completely right We broke up 4 times in the course of 2+ years. We got back together after I got my license and started working on top of going to school and I realized that there were problems much deeper than the independence issue and him constantly hassling me about getting my license, a car etc.. was just a front because something deeper was wrong in the relationship. Every time I got back together with him it was because I convinced myself that I had fixed the problems he had with our relationship Unfortunately even if you were to get back with your ex, it might be the same story. I agree with the other reply - in the end, you will just never be good enough no matter what you do to fix the "faults" he sees in you. Keep your chin up 1
LinkWorshiper Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Also in a similar boat, especially with your feelings that you made a mistake while he walks around like the sun shines out of his @$$. My man, who I still love to death (he sounds like your guy a little), even with all that's happened five months since the breakup, was stringing me along as a friend while making it sound like he was trying to work on himself in order to work on our friendship in order to work on rebuilding us. When I found out he was thinking of pursuing another girl while seriously flirting with me, I told him we shouldn't see each other for a bit. And he went the same route as your man, eventually blocking me on FB, not even acknowledging when I told him I appreciated the space and was comfortable speaking to him again, even though he had told me to reach out when *I* was ready. He DID mention he wanted to take some space of his own, so a tiny part of me hopes he's really doing that, although I really know it's probably just him continuing to "feel it out" with this new pursuit and not even have to think twice about my feelings. I keep thinking I messed up any chances of reconciliation, even though I'm learning more and more that if there ever IS going to be a chance of us fixing things, we need time apart to not only heal, but also to consider what we don't have anymore. The truth is, everyone is different, and who knows what he wants to find. Judging by your ages, he probably has no clue, even if he thinks he does. (Again, same with my guy, who is 24.) He might have some commitment issues or he's freaked out that if he ends up with you, he'll never be single again. Or maybe he's trying to back out of it without looking like a jerk. Or a million other things. You just can't know, and BELIEVE ME, it is the world's worst idea to try and figure it out, because you'll just make yourself nuts. Accept the fact it might be a long time before you guys even have a healthy friendship again, work on the stuff about yourself you need to work on, and just keep breathing, you know?
Author worldexploded Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Unfortunately even if you were to get back with your ex, it might be the same story. I agree with the other reply - in the end, you will just never be good enough no matter what you do to fix the "faults" he sees in you. I haven't looked at it that way before... You're right if he really loved me he would care about the car. He is annoyingly close with his family (especially his mom) and it seemed like when ever they had something to mention about me they didn't like it would stress him out. But for the the year we were together he would tell me he wanted a future with me. Maybe he's trying to find a girl in college that his family will actually except.
Author worldexploded Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 The truth is, everyone is different, and who knows what he wants to find. Judging by your ages, he probably has no clue, even if he thinks he does. (Again, same with my guy, who is 24.) He might have some commitment issues or he's freaked out that if he ends up with you, he'll never be single again. Or maybe he's trying to back out of it without looking like a jerk. Or a million other things. You just can't know, and BELIEVE ME, it is the world's worst idea to try and figure it out, because you'll just make yourself nuts. Accept the fact it might be a long time before you guys even have a healthy friendship again, work on the stuff about yourself you need to work on, and just keep breathing, you know? You're totally right. He starts school at another university in August, I know you said to let it go but I really believe he broke it off to find some other girl to fit in to his family. It was hard to understand because he would always say he just wanted to find a girl to settle down with and isn't into casual dating. He kept talking about a future with me the whole year we dated. I guess he is too young to know what he wants right now.
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