youngbutoldsoul Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 It's been 3 months since I was dumped. As much as I keep myself busy, everyday unexpectedly, a memory of our past naturally, silently creeps its way into my mind and triggers a rush of tears and unbearable pain in my stomach. I realize what makes me panic is remembering how truly and extremely loving my ex was and how (through a series of fights we've had) he now treats me as a stranger--so cold and indifferent. I asked my friend how can I fool myself he's no longer alive. She says there's no need to fool myself when that's the truth: the body is there but the emotions are dead. How can I let go of the "old him"?
SimonSerenade Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I struggle with the same things some days, take it at face value, it's all they have today, as far as they who they used to be, they might as well be dead and buried.
Roflsaurus Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) 3 months down too, I have good days and most are bad. But all I can say is just keep living--meet anyone and everyone, stay strong. I'm assured that one day we can put this behind us and smile at the good memories. cheers Fellow dumpee. Edited July 10, 2013 by Roflsaurus 2
Salvatore85 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 The problem is we choose to focus on what they were instead of what they've become. I did the same things with my ex, wanting her to be who she was when we first started seeing each other as opposed to the person I became completely incompatible with. The only real advice I can give is to hold onto those great memories you had with your ex because they prove just how much of an amazing person you are, understand that the person has changed and start making a real effort to better yourself everyday of your life so when the right person does come along you don't miss him/her focusing on someone who doesn't deserve you anymore. 3
feelinghopeless89 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I am right there with you! It feels impossible to look at the person you were in love with in a different light. I wish I had an answer of how to make it easier, and how to understand it all. Everyone keeps telling me it just takes time, so I am just struggling through each day hoping it will get easier. Just know you are not alone. And I will be praying for you and your strength!
theonlyjuan Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Do the rubber band on the wrist thing? Every time you think of them,ping that band. It will hurt but you won't want to keep being in pain
JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 You need to focus on rerouting your thoughts when those memories inadvertently creep in. And understand that our exes were not "perfect" no one is, and although you have beautiful moments you also had moments of pain with your ex as no relationship is perfect. I won't ask you to think of the terrible moments but understand that your ex was not this idol that you must glorify to this day. It's always good exercises to reroute your thoughts and tell yourself that these thoughts do you know good as they are painful and at this point in your life your only objective is to move on with your life and be happy.
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 It's been a year and a half since we were officially over. I've met new people, gone to new places, accomplished many goals for myself. I've also refrained from being seriously involved with anyone (both a culmination of not finding a meaningful connection and not having let go of my past relationship that's still so dear to me). I don't know if anyone is in the same place as me, it's been over a year and I still get triggers, the warmest memories of us creeping into my conscience and I have to divert my attention, swallowing a huge lump in my throat and feeling the sensations of a deep stab in my stomach. I miss him so dearly and I am so disheartened and unmotivated to achieve greatness in life because nothing means anything when I don't have the most special person to me to share it with. This doesn't affect my daily functioning so I don't have anything serious like mental illnesses, I just haven't found peace.
TheKook Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 My best advice is to think about the future instead of the past. Don't flood your mind with good memories with your ex - you gotta remember that they're not what you want anymore and find comfort in that. Now what you need to do is try and focus on the future, think of how well that new guy is going to treat you. The future is full of possibilities but the past isn't. If you just keep reminding yourself how fruitful the times ahead will be, you'll be too satisfied with that to worry about your old relationship. He's your old car that has tons of problems. Just wait for that new car, that's going to make your life amazing. And trust me, because it's coming. 1
elseaacych Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 For me, the kicker was when I asked myself why I fell in love with him in the first place. I listed out his good attributes. Turns out I hadn't seen those attributes in awhile. So who he used to be... isn't who he is now.
No Limit Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 When my ex best friend... changed, I began to compare the new to the old, and very quickly had enough of differences listed in my mind to realize "Well, this girl isn't someone I want to have in my life!" so that was that. Of course there's bittersweetness in it, we've known each other for years! But, those years are in the past, and it just wasn't meant to last any longer. Cherish the good memory. But keep them a memory.
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Thank you everyone. I really value your input, it gives me a sense of hope and acceptance even just for a short while (thus I try to re read my threads and all your comments from time to time as I cope). For those of you who had someone that *truly* loved you, endured toughest experienced with you, how do you accept the end of a relationship with someone who showed you how deeply you can be loved, even if the relationship didn't work out the way you two wanted it to be? If you have tasted what you believe to be true love, how do you regain your faith in love again?
drallafi Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 It's been a year and a half since we were officially over. I've met new people, gone to new places, accomplished many goals for myself. I've also refrained from being seriously involved with anyone (both a culmination of not finding a meaningful connection and not having let go of my past relationship that's still so dear to me). I don't know if anyone is in the same place as me, it's been over a year and I still get triggers, the warmest memories of us creeping into my conscience and I have to divert my attention, swallowing a huge lump in my throat and feeling the sensations of a deep stab in my stomach. I miss him so dearly and I am so disheartened and unmotivated to achieve greatness in life because nothing means anything when I don't have the most special person to me to share it with. This doesn't affect my daily functioning so I don't have anything serious like mental illnesses, I just haven't found peace. Year and a half is a long time, but keep pushing and you'll get there.
Salvatore85 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Thank you everyone. I really value your input, it gives me a sense of hope and acceptance even just for a short while (thus I try to re read my threads and all your comments from time to time as I cope). For those of you who had someone that *truly* loved you, endured toughest experienced with you, how do you accept the end of a relationship with someone who showed you how deeply you can be loved, even if the relationship didn't work out the way you two wanted it to be? If you have tasted what you believe to be true love, how do you regain your faith in love again? Well since the last time I replied to you I've started dating another girl. It's been quite fun and I like her a lot. Yes I do still miss my ex and the things we shared but I forced myself to move on. Some days it hurts like hell and other days I can't sleep (3:44AM here) lol. What it really came down to for me was looking at the way I was being treated and then seeing the way the new girl treats me. She doesn't talk down to me or make me feel like an idiot. She's patient with me and understands that I sometimes have a busy work schedule. She's funny and considerate and I look forward to seeing her. These are all things I didn't think were possible after my ex dumped me. I was devastated and felt like my world was ending. I never thought I'd replace her and honestly I never will but I'm going to make new memories with someone else. I'm having fun again and I'm not depressed all the time anymore. Life has meaning again and I enjoy that. Just keep plugging along and you'll get there.
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