motherofdragons Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I am stuck in a huge debate right now... Is Age Just A Number? I am legal and 18 years old. I obviously wouldn't date anyone over 30 because that's starting to push into fatherly territory. My life phase right now is finishing up high school and getting my diploma then going to California for university. I am also acting and have accomplished in my life. Therefore, I think my maturity level is a bit higher than 18. This summer, I went to a big masquerade ball and met a guy that was perfect for me except he was 29. Some people say 29 is too old for and some say 29 is the perfect age. Is 11 years bad? I don't know. We really hit it off well, he was respectful of me and sweet. When I mean hit it off well, I mean we danced the entire night and spent it talking, laughing and flirting. I don't know what to do. I got his number and my uncle who took me to the masquerade thought he was sweet too. I don't know.. My aunt and parents sort of make biased judgements about age.. Should they hold these judgements.
ls32ssibm Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 No offense, but you are still a child at 18. You'll see this when you get older, despite how mature you think you are now. I'd say this guy sounds a little like a creep, or he's just trying to hook up with an 18 year old. Don't know, I'm 25 and I don't date 18 year olds. 2
Emilia Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I am legal and 18 years old. What 18 year-old refers to herself as 'legal'? 1
StayBeautiful Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 No, age isn't just a number, but its significance changes as you grow older. At 18, age is about excitement and maturity and new experiences. Somebody substantially older than you provides all of those things. You think "wow, someone with so much of life already known, and they chose ME". Someone your own age doesn't have all of those experiences, and you want someone to lead the way - not discover it with you. At my age - 41 - age is about shared experiences, nostalgia for the past, togetherness and an understanding of where the other is. A desire to be in the same life stage as your partner. .... when I was between 18 and 35, I exclusively dated older men. Now, I find those older men are approaching 60 - and boy does that age difference matter now. What used to be a 25 year old girl dazzled by worldly 42 year old men is now an established, confident woman bored by 60 year old fuddies who want to stay in every night with slippers and a hot chocolate. That's just my experience. I'm sure my ex isn't typical of many 60 year olds, but it's dissuaded me from being attracted to older men anymore. But nor have I gone for younger. Now, I adore men of my age. They have the same childhood, the same cultural and social points of reference. So enjoy older men while you're young... It might not last though.
EasyHeart Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Age is number, but it's a pretty important one. An 11 year gap between 18 and 29 is a huge one because you are at very different levels of experience and at very different stages of your lives. The same gap at 28 and 39 is less problematic; at 38 and 49 it's nothing. Date whomever you want, but go into it with your eyes open. A 29 year old is going to be very different than an 18 year old and is going to want different things from a relationship. You are going to be a very, very different person 11 years from now, so expect that 29 year olds are going to be different than you. 2
grkBoy Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 In the past, the age difference wouldn't have been seen as strange...but in those times an 18 year-old girl was supposed to find a husband/provider, and give him children. If he likes you, and you like him...why not give it a try? What if he's the one? What if you two date and suddenly in a few years he's putting a ring on your finger? Many will say you're young, and should "live it up" or experience multiple people...but I tend to think that logic is silly. I tend to notice those who think they need to "live it up" in terms of dating/sex are the same ones hitting their 30s complaining how there's "no good men" or "no good women" out there.
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Two things: My mother met my father when she was 16 - almost 17 - and he was just gone 28. They married when she was 15 days off her 21st birthday. (before, not after). 57 years later, my father died, a month or two before his 90th birthday. My mother had become his carer in the last 6 years of his life. Their lives were eventful, dramatic and not without ups-and-downs. But they valued their relationship, constancy, friendship, intellectual stimulation, diversity and independence. Secondly, read this link. And take things slower than a snail sliding backwards down a brick. 2
sabre80 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 The one thing all kids have in common is that they all think they are more mature than they are. Why do you never hear kids say "I am 18 but I am really immature for my age." 3
FitChick Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 You're leaving for college in the fall so have a few flings before you go but don't get serious with anyone. Use birth control!
mtber75 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Dudes this age are still pretty immature... I was, didn't think remotely about long term relationships or settling down. So if you are just looking to have fun than go for it!
hppr Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 It's not really about age but being at different places in life. If you are both on the same page I'd say fine but I really doubt that, seeing as how you are just out of high school and he should have been through college, career, possibly married once, who knows.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Being 18 makes you legal by law, but from moral and developmental standpoints, you are still a child. In fact, studies have shown a human brain does not fully develop until the age of 25. You may think you are a mature adult, but thats subjective. The guy being 29, why did he not date someone who was closer to his age with someone similar to his life experiences? Different generaton are governed by the life experiences they shared throughout their lifetime, that's why you have baby boomers who are different from the X generations, to the Y.
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Being 18 makes you legal by law, but from moral and developmental standpoints, you are still a child. In fact, studies have shown a human brain does not fully develop until the age of 25. A propos of which....
somedude81 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I'm 31 and dating a girl who is 20. And while everything about the relationship is great, it's annoying that we can't go out for a drink together. Thankfully she is turning 21 at the end of the month, and the last hurdle will be removed. When dating somebody with such a large age gap, the most important thing is their respective level of maturity. I do know that in general women mature faster than guys, but 18 is still is very young. Another important aspect is what life stage the two of you are on. Because of various circumstances, I met my GF in college and we are almost both done with our undergrad. So even though I am 11 years older than her, we are pretty much doing the same thing which lets us understand each other.
gaius Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It's weird, as some relationship types are becoming more accepted (gay) others seem to be sliding backwards (age-gaps). You should be experimenting at 18 a little and seeing what works and doesn't for you. Since this guy seems stimulating go for it! Even if he was 60 I'd say the same thing. Just be safe as FitChick mentioned.
Phantom888 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 11 years is not a big gap when you are past 40. But at 18, it's HUGE!!! I mean, when he started driving, you were barely starting kindergarten. The real problem is that a 29 year old man would really not be interested in a child unless he had some strange sick fetish. Yes, you are still a child in every biological way. In fact, you are not done growing yet. For a grown man to be attracted to you is just not right.
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Being 18 makes you legal by law, but from moral and developmental standpoints, you are still a child. In fact, studies have shown a human brain does not fully develop until the age of 25. You may think you are a mature adult, but thats subjective. QUOTE] It should also be noted that such studies do not explain why so many teens do behave at a maturity level beyond their age and remain consistent in that behavior throughout the so-called ages where their brains have not fully developed. I would certainly not encourage you to date a girl as young, but by her behavior, is how you will know just how mature she is. Biochemistry is just one piece, albeit, a very important piece of the puzzle of maturity. You may think you are a mature adult, but that's subjective. This is part of the problem with relying on science and research alone. There are subjective, undefined elements that also determine just how mature someone "actually" behaves and responds. Family upbringing, experience, other biochemical interactions not explained or observed, etc.
EasyHeart Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It's weird, as some relationship types are becoming more accepted (gay) others seem to be sliding backwards (age-gaps). You should be experimenting at 18 a little and seeing what works and doesn't for you. Since this guy seems stimulating go for it! Even if he was 60 I'd say the same thing. Just be safe as FitChick mentioned.Only older man - younger woman relationships are unacceptable. Older woman-younger man relationships are quite trendy. In the former, the men are creeps and perverts who should be shunned by polite society; in the latter the women are strong and empowered and should be role models for women everywhere.
Recommended Posts