mrniceguy6 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) hey guys.. im new to the forum.. i feel very lucky to have found it, reading through threads has helped tremendously... i recently created a thread about my breakup... but im wonderinng how i handled it and if there was any chance of getting her back... ill try to make it short... me and my ex had been together for 3 years and 7 months... we are each other's first.. she is 21 i am 23... all through college... no fights no major problems... just happy and very much in love... i guess we grew apart when we started working... i was dayshift and she was midshift, though i did make contant effort to be together in the weekends... she was the type thay would bottle up her emotion, while i like to ward off mine... we ha been always open with each other... but i guess we lost our communication along the way.. we were fine up until april i guess when i began to have family and personal problems.. i didnt want to tell her at the time because she was also under stress due to work.. well little did i know... this affected me emotionally and was affecting because i became dettached.. like being there but not really being there.. we did admit that we were both at fault for not communicating though... we also had our first argument... i was too proud and wouldnt back down.. until i did eventually... she was right and i was wrong.. i just hadnt realized it sooner.. she forgave me and we stayd together... so here it is, we talked 6 times, she broke up with me on the 4th time we talked.. the first time we talked, we were going on a date... in the car, she gave me a letter with all her heartache.. i was shocked.. i didnt know what to say.. that was when i broke down crying and told her everything that was bothering.. after that we went on with date and it was fine.. the next time we spoke.. she said we were still not okay and she felt constantly sad... just repeated what was on the letter... she felt caged and wanted to be alone, said she couldnt freely do things she wanted to with me around, said she just got burnedout of our relationship.. she felt numb...said i depended on her too much... i became desparate and asked if we can make it work.. but nothing happened.. we talked again.. more of the same but i kept begging and pushing.. and then i addressed my problems and made them go away, i told her that.. but she said it was too late... before, she told me to fix myself and she was just there... i asked if she loved me, she said she did... in the 4th time we talked.. i stopped begging and pleading and remained composed... i asked if she still loved me and said she doesnt know... this was when she broke up with me... a day passed we didnt contact each other... though she was annoyed when i talked to her friends for advice (they are also my friends since college)... she told me this in the 5th talk... she also confessed that there was a guy texting her while we were still together.. she said she didnt entertain him because of us, but said he did make her happy during my absence... said they just text and havent hanged out in person (they are officemates and we work for the same company), also said she likes the guy... during the 4th and 5th time i was level headed and talked calmy.. even made her laugh a few times... promised her i would change my ways, be more sensitive, i wont be too controlling anymore, be more mature, etc. asking for a second chance but she wouldnt... i dont remember what we said but she gave me amonth... i realzed now she might not have reconsidered at all during that time and was actually just time fir me to get myself ready... closure was all it was... we talked for the last time... i gave her a speech.. we interacted normally as if we werent broken up... but after all my efforts, all she can say was she was sorry.. she acknowledged the changes i promised... but said it was too late.. said she felt a thorn removed.. said she didnt miss me or thought about me in the last 3 weeks.. after that i cut all contact and blocked her everywhere... i kept in contact with her friends though until just yesterday when i completely stopped... its been 4 weeks now... and im feeling better now... focusing on myself and actually planning to start a photography business.. her friends recenlty met up with her.. they told me thst they didnt talk much about the breakup, though she really is decided that its over, said she was worried about me and that she cared for me... also said thst she is trying to shove off the other guy because she knows it is unfair to me... and that she is unsure of him because he might just be a rebound... by august my project will be moving to the same office as hers (and the other guy), while i believe she will be moving to another office by september (away from the guy hehe).. NC has helped me tremendously in accelerating the healing process... but still.. im wondering if my actions were right or if i blew my chances.. im still hoping she would contact me one day...any thoughts? Edited July 10, 2013 by mrniceguy6
lovesux1 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Sounds like NC is definitely working for you and you are progressing. I am also in no contact to heal and wondering the same about my ex. For some reason your story strikes me as "the guy who moved on and now his ex is chasing him. Good luck
LinkWorshiper Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 My story reminds me of yours so I totally feel you. I am in the same place as you though, so I wish I could tell you what might happen. I know my ex still speaks well of me, is eyeing a rebound who is apparently a player, and has been acting kind of erratically. I hope these are all signs that after a bit of NC (which I established after I realized he was stringing me along because he couldn't decide what he wanted), he will come around. Sometimes it takes making a lot of mistakes to realize that you have things to go back and fix and what is really important. Sadly, it could take months or years, who knows. And some people might just keep making mistakes. And though I feel the same as you, like that you messed everything up, I'm trying really hard not to, so you should try also! The only mistake you made was trying and then protecting yourself, and that's not anything to be ashamed of. If she wants you, she'll fight for you if she realizes. Good luck! Hearing things like thsi sort of console me.
Author mrniceguy6 Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 (edited) @lovesux1 not actually. ive been talkin to my family and friends and reading threads... ive become very confused... everyday i carry this to work... thinking about it has made me very exhausted emotionally and mentally... some days im fine some days i break down... like yesterday... i was thinking of what has been suggested to me such as complete nc, if she comes back then we're meant to be, ask her directly, or go LC and slowly work from there.... then it sunk in to me that she doesnt love me anymore... i froze at work and almost cried.... today when i got to work, i couldnt even function and went home immediately, im not going to work tomorrow either.... how can she be so heartless? she hasnt reached out to me at all even through my friends... its like she doesnt care... she just threw me away.. how can anyone who loved you so dearly do something like this..., @LoveWorshiper hey.. knowing that im not alone does make one feel better.. thanks for that... how long have u been NC? it has been a month of NC for me with the exception of her meeting with me two weeks ago (closure i guess). right now.. i dont even remember what happened.. i just know im hurting.. and she's not... it sucks cozwe have a small world and i can still see photos of her when her friends uploads them.... i wonder what is going on in her head... i wonder if she misses me... i wonder if she thinks about me... i wonder if she is still reconsidering... Edited July 11, 2013 by mrniceguy6
Recommended Posts