timo3456 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) Hi guys To cut a long story short me and my ex were with each other 3 years both first true loves to one another and we have a year old baby boy. We split up when he was only 2 months old. We were having petty fights and arguments and i was falling out with her for no reason etc. She ended up in a relationship with guy less than month after we split and she is still with him now so i guess its been nearly a year for them. They have had their fair share of fights and had recently split for a short period but are back together now. We are in contact but really only speak when collecting/dropping off my son and we will mainly talk about our son but she has a habit of telling me about her relationship and such as when they argue/break-up and how much of an ******* he can be- her words. They had a bad arguement recently like i mentioned and she told me that they wouldn't get back, and so i confessed that i still liked her , and asked if there was anything between us still and she said she still had a thing for me, but now wasn't the right time, because of how she was feeling about breaking up with her boyfriend. They got back together within a week. Now the question is what do i do to get my ex back i mean do i stay friendly like i have been and see what happens down the line? I really do have feelings for my ex and she still says she ahs something for me but can't tell me whether we will get back in the future.i think she really likes this guy despite him being a complete *******. so what do i do in this situation? i will also note that my ex always has told me that her head has been in a bit of a ditch for months now and she thinks she is depressed thanks Edited July 10, 2013 by timo3456
AllTooWell Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I think you should go NC (LC because of the child) with this woman. You need to cut her out of your life and move on. When she confides in you details about her other relationships, she is using you as her emotional crutch. She basically knows you won't turn her away or reject her. You are her doormat. Listen to what she is saying: she is complaining about these guys, you are sitting there being available to her, BUT SHE IS STILL CHOOSING SOMEONE ELSE OVER YOU! She doesn't want to be with you right now man! You need to collect yourself and work on moving on. Stop being an option to her, stop being available. If you really wanna know how to get her back, you need to let her go. You need to RELEASE her and stop begging, stop looking desperate and clingy, and let her go. You should have no discussions/communication with this woman unless it is about your child OR if she comes and says she wants to reconcile. I know that sounds awful and that you will lose her, but I am telling you that if you keep doing what you're doing right now, you're gonna push her away even farther. You've already lost her. You need to find yourself, work on yourself, and if it is meant to be, it will be.
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 You have little or no chance of ever getting back toegther with her. She has settled into the "He's the dad of my kid and my best buddy" mode. But believe us when we tell you - she doesn't see you "that way" at all - and never will again, most likely. The suggestion you've received, is spot-on. You go LC (Limited Contact) and contact with her is uniquely and solely to discuss your joint child. NOTHING ELSE. If she starts opening up to you about other guys, you have to let her know you're not interested. You're not her agony uncle, and frankly, all you really want is to keep in contact with your son; but she gets herself into these messes, she should either get herself out of them, or steer clear of them altogether. You've been relegated to the 'friend-zone'. And that's one hell of as slippery slope to try to get out of...
Author timo3456 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the advice. Contact is minimal as it is, we don't text unless its about a change in my sons arrangements. Im only at her house for 5 minutes tops to collect my son. She will just come out with this stuff but its not common i may hear something about her relationship once every couple of months. I have no way to get out of it really i can't do any less contact than i am already. So what else could u recommend?? Also i wouldn't say i'm friendzoned as we barely speak i think its a more a case of im always going to be around kinda thing, because i HAVE to see my son so she can't really see what shes missing with me as i'm coming over to collect my son on a regular basis. Edited July 10, 2013 by timo3456
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I recommend you do everything and anything possible to move on, clear her from your horizon as any potential kind of 'get-her-back' potential and put any thought of her being anything more than the mum of your son, completely out of your mind. Go out, date other women, and get on with your life.
Author timo3456 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Yeah i understand what you're saying i have been with a few women but only flings. I've moved on that i don't really care about her relationship its just lingering feelings because i have to see her regularly its hard to get rid of.
Author timo3456 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Also would my friends be right saying she is probably keeping me as a back-up?
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Yup. But not 'back-up' in the relationship sense. More as an emotional crutch, a 'soft-place-to-fall' when she needs some kind of emotional support and input. You're a handy guy to have around. She's had a child by you, knows you very well, and you're letting your chain be yanked, and your buttons pushed, by her.
Author timo3456 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Yeah you are probably right. The only option i have, which is what i did for a few months was to get my parents to collect my son instead of me, i found this helped me alot emotionally at the time when i was less stable. I also found out she hated it and was hurt by this maybe this would be the only other beneficial option for me
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Remember these two factors: One: No Contact is not a tool to make them miss you/want you back/manipulate them. Two: No Contact is for you, for your benefit, to help YOU heal, move on and develop and improve, as a character, for your own good. Nobody else's.
Author timo3456 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 I don't mean doing it in a minipulative sense it's definately the best option for me getting my parents to do it, but it also doesn't allow her to tell me when things have hit the fan with her boyfriend but in a way if it makes her crawl back and miss me thats a bonus i guess.
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 No, it's not a bonus. Far from it. She's never come crawling back in the way you'd like.... Remember, she's treating you as an option, where you'd like to be a priority. And that's not right in anyone's book.
Author timo3456 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 At the moment she has it the way she wants it she has her cake and eats it. She gets to see me and have her relationship tbh she doesn't deserve to see me at all but because of the circumstances she can. so with this way i can heal alot faster and focus my energy on something else instea dof fighting pathetic feelings everythime i see her.
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