Roflsaurus Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) So this girl and I met in university, we were young and had a relationship for many years we had a couple serious rough patches early on that we got over. Most of the time (years) we just spent *eating sandwiches* and *bumping uglies*, best time of my life I might add. We literally had no problems being with one another, its all we wanted... at that time (I gave up internships and job opportunities, as did she). One day I made the decision to move to a university for unforeseen circumstances and my own aspirations. The relationship fell apart from there, a year of long distance, even with talking every day turned her into something I could not fathom and she was dragging me with her. she would literally pay for my alcohol so I could drink with her over the phone (you don't need to comment on this I realize the implications lol). I have never been that boyfriend who gets jealous or say you can't be friends with someone, or you don't go out. In fact this is the first girl that I fell in love with even after all my high school relationships. So I was dedicated to being a trustworthy and loving boyfriend. As the long distance persisted, I noticed the lies started compiling and she was constantly texting other guys, and telling me about it--maybe just to get a rise? I noticed that our fights escalated to the point of name calling and tears. She would pick at me until I exploded--I'm prone to this if enough alcohol is consumed. Exploding was my fault...This went on for an entire year and a half. She would always accuse me of cheating, go through my things and belongings like shes going to find another woman in my wallet. I feel I had the right to get angry but not that angry (1.more on this in a second). The long distance was finally over and we moved in together. I wanted to drop the alcohol (1. alcohol being the cause of our fights) and she became more and more distant. She would come home with booze every day. Then out of the blue after our last fight she said she was leaving and that "she" was not happy anymore, that I was the problem yada yada yada...That she wanted her career more than us, even though we have the same career.... I just kept my cool even though it ripped me up inside, that I never intended or wanted her to feel anything negative from me. Its just hard that when I wanted to fix our problems, it was met with one cold shoulder...hers. She left me with a condo to pay for myself and heap of emotional issues. I later found out --by accident, I ran into someone who was talking about her at a cabaret....? (is this fate lol), I guess she had been kind of flirting and seeing another guy a few months after i left... oh did this crush me. After all that time and sacrifice I invested in fixing a long term relationship. I even lost my chance at my dream career over her. The worst part about this all is that she had been doing this the whole time and I was too oblivious and stoned to realize. I wasted 4 years of my life on someone who never really even cared I existed. I was a good lay and a place to stay--"her words apparently". All because I trusted someone with the only heart I have. A few weeks after she messaged me telling me to pay her bills. I asked her nicely to not message me anymore she flipped on me I never retaliated I blocked her number/fb/email she hasn't contacted me since, no idea where she is or what shes doing. Since then I reflected on my actions during the relationship and took the damage in stride. back to the advice: So Its been about three months now and {I have seen 5 girls in that time and a couple of one night stands}---complete rebound/revenge. But she is still all I think about.... still all I want, even though I was treated like dirt in a puddle of water. How can I fix myself, she wasn't even that attractive (I found her extremely attractive-- my parents and friends didn't) or a good person... Every time I am with another girl I just imagine its her. Will this ever stop, and why do I feel like our relationship failing was all my fault for moving-- like this was a retaliation on her part? I have hit a point of depression that I cannot seem to shake off this time. I have never been like this in my life. I feel like a shell of a human being. Edited July 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Echo000 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 From my own experience, i can relate to the heartbreak and pain you describe. Thats really rough. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. I am too. Your feelings of guilt are normal--the idea that its your fault. She left you, and blamed you before she left. Because you loved her and cared (and still do), you cant help but wonder if she is right. But let me tell you, sounds like she is not right at all. Sounds like she is an alcoholic (maybe you too), and neither of you should have been near the stuff. The fact that you tried to stop and she kept "coming home with booze" is really telling of your situation. One person trying to change. Another person not trying to change. NEVER works. Takes TWO. Also, your time with her wasnt a waste. I am sure you learned many things about yourself. Sadly, you also learned some pretty harsh things about her as well, and that only hurts you because you share so much time/love with her. Really, really respect you for blocking her completely. She does not deserve to be able to contact you..especially since you know about all the horrible things she is saying about you. Means she holds nothing but negativity towards you, and if you allow that negativity in your life you will only feel worse (which is possible btw, to feel worse than you already do now). Get yourself in a gym. Workout. Read books. Look in the mirror. Discover who you are. Dream job could be gone, but maybe it hasnt. Try again. Be the man you want to be, and let the woman that is good for you come when she comes. Dont force relationships/have one night stands to spite her. You are only hurting yourself, and i am sure you are also spending that time comparing her to all the women you see. Go out, have fun, keep a STRONG social life (thats key), and be the best you that you can be. Make this heartbreaking, destructive breakup a POSITIVE thing. An opportunity. 1
Author Roflsaurus Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) My thread may have been one sided as its only myself, but thanks for the support! I dropped the alcohol and have been working out since she left . I'm glad I'm on the right track, I almost contacted her again. You are right, shes not worth it. But as for the career, my passion for the field ended with our relationship. You are right about new relationships, i'm going to go where life takes me. Edited July 10, 2013 by Roflsaurus
for666 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) I wasted 4 years of my life on someone who never really even cared I existed. I was a good lay and a place to stay--"her words apparently". All because I trusted someone with the only heart I have. dude NC is right! she doesn't want a series relationship she wants to PARTY you already not you mature and she is in the LITTLE drama queen Cinderella stage forget her and move ON believe me after you Become more mature she gonna understand the mistakes she made the regret is in her hand not you'rs you did noting wrong its hard to forget cos it's 4 year's your not used to be without her don't woryy it gonna be much better soon! just continue to ignore her you don't need to suffer all this bull**** (you got Abused and been kept in TOXIC relationship) and NOW YOU ARE FREE ENJOY IT you are young and you learn allot about casual sex and relationship so time not waisted you gonna learn now to avoid abusive and toxic relationships and learn more on what you really want and believe me its not her! it's like a drug you gonna eventuality forget her and look back and laugh when you sit with you'r new carrying loving person ^^ Edited July 10, 2013 by for666 1
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