Roflsaurus Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) So this girl and I met in university, we were young and had a relationship for many years we had a couple serious rough patches early on that we got over. Most of the time (years) we just spent *eating sandwiches* and *bumping uglies*, best time of my life I might add. We literally had no problems being with one another, its all we wanted... at that time (I gave up internships and job opportunities, as did she). One day I made the decision to move to a university for unforeseen circumstances and my own aspirations. The relationship fell apart from there, a year of long distance, even with talking every day turned her into something I could not fathom and she was dragging me with her. she would literally pay for my alcohol so I could drink with her over the phone (you don't need to comment on this I realize the implications lol). I have never been that boyfriend who gets jealous or say you can't be friends with someone, or you don't go out. In fact this is the first girl that I fell in love with even after all my high school relationships. So I was dedicated to being a trustworthy and loving boyfriend. As the long distance persisted, I noticed the lies started compiling and she was constantly texting other guys, and telling me about it--maybe just to get a rise:confused:? I noticed that our fights escalated to the point of name calling and tears. She would pick at me until I exploded--I'm prone to this if enough alcohol is consumed. Exploding was my fault...This went on for an entire year and a half. She would always accuse me of cheating, go through my things and belongings like shes going to find another woman in my wallet. I feel I had the right to get angry but not that angry (1.more on this in a second). The long distance was finally over and we moved in together. I wanted to drop the alcohol (1. alcohol being the cause of our fights) and she became more and more distant. She would come home with booze every day. Then out of the blue after our last fight she said she was leaving and that "she" was not happy anymore, that I was the problem yada yada yada...That she wanted her career more than us, even though we have the same career.... I just kept my cool even though it ripped me up inside, that I never intended or wanted her to feel anything negative from me. Its just hard that when I wanted to fix our problems, it was met with one cold shoulder...hers. She left me with a condo to pay for myself and heap of emotional issues. I later found out --by accident, I ran into someone who was talking about her at a cabaret....? (is this fate lol), I guess she had been kind of flirting and seeing another guy a few months after i left... oh did this crush me. After all that time and sacrifice I invested in fixing a long term relationship. I even lost my chance at my dream career over her. The worst part about this all is that she had been doing this the whole time and I was too oblivious and stoned to realize. I wasted 4 years of my life on someone who never really even cared I existed. I was a good lay and a place to stay--"her words apparently". All because I trusted someone with the only heart I have. A few weeks after she messaged me telling me to pay her bills. I asked her nicely to not message me anymore she flipped on me I never retaliated I blocked her number/fb/email she hasn't contacted me since, no idea where she is or what shes doing. Since then I reflected on my actions during the relationship and took the damage in stride. back to the advice: So Its been about three months now and {I have seen 5 girls in that time and a couple one night one night stands}---complete rebound/revenge. But she is still all I think about.... still all I want, even though I was treated like dirt in a puddle of water. How can I fix myself, she wasn't even that attractive (I found her extremely attractive-- my parents and friends didn't) or a good person... Every time I am with another girl I just imagine its her. Will this ever stop, and why do I feel like our relationship failing was all my fault for moving-- like this was a retaliation on her part? I have hit a point of depression that I cannot seem to shake off this time. I have never been like this in my life. I feel like a shell of a human being. Edited July 10, 2013 by Roflsaurus
AllTooWell Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I know it's hard and it hurts. she hasn't contacted me since, no idea where she is or what shes doing. You need to look at her actions. Stop reading into what she is doing. She hasn't reached out, hasn't told you she wants you back and this was the biggest mistake of her life, so you need to let her go. Stop thinking about what she's doing. She's gone. It hurts, it sucks, but if she wanted to contact you she would have found a way. How have you been actively trying to move on? It's okay to be sad and to miss her, but you need to actively try and get over this or it will consume you. It's normal that you still miss her, have feelings for her, etc. You were together for a long time. You need time to heal. I would honestly suggest that you stop hooking up/seeing other girls. You are not ready for that yet and you are doing it to rebound/get revenge on your ex (like you said). You need to heal first, do some self-reflecting, and get into a better place before you do that. For some people it may help them to feel desired again, etc, but it seems like you really need to heal. I can completely relate to how your friends/family doesn't find her attractive. All my friends/family are constantly telling me I am SIGNIFICANTLY better looking than my ex. (And I know that I am) Yet to me, he was perfect, and I thought he was absolutely handsome. I still do. The heart wants what the heart wants.
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