beejsea2 Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 I'm still in shock over my four year relationship with my BF. On Sunday afternoon I arrived in town from work...(my job took me out of town Fri-Sat), when I arrived home my BF was gone, his clothes, personal items etc. I was crushed that week we had a wonderful week and now I'm wondering if he was doing all this to soften the blow of what he was going to do that weekend. I would say our relationship was normal...not too many blow ups in fact none to talk of since July. To make matters worse I found out on Monday that he was terminated from his job. I know he was doing good at the job because in September I saw his evaluation at it was a 94/100. I'm so confused and did not see this coming. He even cleaned before he left, scrubbed the oven, vaccumed just doesn't make sense! Has anyone else had a loved one just up and leave when you were gone. I just don't know what to make of this!
Naive Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 That sounds weird Is there any way you can get a hold of him? Maybe there's something wrong that does not necessarily involve your relationship with him.
bluechocolate Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 That does indeed sound very weird - but I have heard stranger. Sorry I can't offer you any guidance, I suspect you're going to remain in the dark until you can find out from him what's going on. Don't you have any mutual friends? His friends? His family? Surely someone must know what's happened to him?
Author beejsea2 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 I tried emailing him and he hasn't replied. I talked to the neighbor and he was told by BF that he was moving out of State to be near his son. I can understand that being away from his son might have made him do this but he could have talked to me about this because I questioned his seperation from his son in the first place four years ago. I guess I forgot to mention that he left a letter saying that I deserved better than him and he was no good for me. I guess what bothers me the most as there was no signs that he was unhappy or going to take off. I've been staying at my sisters this past week because I can only stay in the house for about a hour at a time. I have phone numbers to his sister who lives in another state and his ex wife. Because of his work schedule I really didn't get to know the people that he worked with just meet a few in passing. I want to call his ex or sister but I just don't know if they would be much help.
Devildog Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 He might have felt like a failure if he was terminated from his job. He didn't want to face the idea of being a disappointment to you. Any idea why he was terminated from his job? Was there perhaps some kind of legal issues involved perhaps?
Author beejsea2 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 Don't know why he was terminated but by pieces things together it was the Monday before he took off...he was acting "off". All I know is that being in a Union and still getting terminated it had to be something pretty bad. Friends suggested that I call his place of employment but by law I know that they are not allowed to give this information out. I started seeing a counselor on Wed and she said that this was all about him and that she thought he was trying to say things to hurt me so I wouldn't care about him. My gut feeling tells me that I'll never hear from him again and alot of my friends can't believe that he could just walk away after four years. Do I just forget about him and move on or do I try to find out where he is??
Devildog Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 That is a tough question. I don't think he wants you to find him. I think he is ashamed and afraid to face you. But on the other hand you will always have unanswered questions about it if you just try to forget about it. I really don't have an answer for you. Unless you can talk to his family I don't think you will find anything out. Call his sister, if she doesn't know anything, then he doesn't want anyone to know. Ask yourself this question though. Is there anything he could have done that was so bad you would lose respect for him? It couldn't be anything illegal or the police would have been looking for him there too. So gross stupidity, endangering co-worker safety or having an affair AT work are about the worst it could be.
Author beejsea2 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 I would have stood besides him no matter why he was fired. But I realize that I'll probaly never know or he may let me know months or a year from now. I know that I treated him well and I have to just move on before all of this eats me alive. I guess the best thing that I'm doing is going to a counselor and keeping busy with work. I know I need to go back and stay in the house or I'll never want to go home again. Thanks for those of you replying this is helpful.
Devildog Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 If you do find him, expect the worst, that way if it is something small it will be easier to handle.
Author beejsea2 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 After a week of running things through my mind I've decided that I'm not going to search or hunt him down...how pathetic would that make me look?? I know I did my best with him I guess I really expected more from him in a four year relationship. Like all my friends and family have been telling me it's all about him and he has to live with his choices also.
bluechocolate Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 What has the counsellor said about trying to find him or at least his whereabouts? You lived together? Therefore doesn't he at least have some kind of obligation(s) re: bills, rent, loans, etc.? Plus what about his mail & stuff? That would still be coming to your address, would it not? Unless this was premeditated & he's made arrangements to forward mail. I can't honestly think what I would do if I found myself in a similar situation! I suspect I would end up getting quite angry & then REALLY want to know what the heck was going on! I think you should call his sister, like Devildog said: if she doesn't know anything, then he doesn't want anyone to know. I want to call his ex or sister but I just don't know if they would be much help. I think you should call them both. There are under no obligation to divulge anything to you if they don't want to, but after 4 years I think you are owed more of an explanation than "you deserve better than me". If you deserve better than him than you, at the very least, deserve a better explanation. It's an extremely cowardly way to end a relationship - that must be something serious going on!
Author beejsea2 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 I think there is something serious going on. But I know that his sister would be protective of him and she may know everything already. He once commented on the fact that he and his sister stayed out of their personal relationships. I'm sure his ex-wife will hear from him because of their son but she may not be able to give me any answers. Yes he was a coward. My counselor said that my focus now needs to be on me taking care of myself...for the first three days I didn't eat anything and had nothing but water and Diet Dr Pepper. She felt that I shouldn't try and find him, the fact he left when I was gone was a good sign that he didn't want me to know he was leaving but also leaving the State.
bluechocolate Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 If your counsellor thinks that trying to find him is not a good idea then I bow to her superior knowledge in these matters. (personally though - I would want to know !!) Hopefully she will be able to assist you in getting some closure on this (which is precisely why you're seeing her, I would imagine) (God - how I hate that word - "closure" - but sometimes it is appropriate) Best wishes.
Author beejsea2 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 I know that I may never get an answer and that what hurts so much. There was no indication that he was unhappy in the relationship or felt that we were no good together. In fact two days before he left he took me to dinner and a movie. I need to stay strong or he will win!
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