stayingbusy Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 This post and all of the replies have made me feel not quite so alone. I relate so much on just abt every level. It isn't something one day you wake and decide you want, at least not for me. I am just trying to stick to the no contact of any kind rule. I imagine if I spend as much time being a better parent as I have over agonizing and wishing over someone's husband - then I might very well end up with a super relationship with my child that cannot be taken away or replaced and will also last a lifetime. That is the real true love. Not that personal relationships aren't important - but I am going to be certain of his marital status! I am trying to keep this positive energy and outlook. Good luck to you all!
DoggyDog Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Hi All, Back from the holidays....it's been a long one...Trying to get thru X-mas and New Years without MM's calls any longer. I'm doing alot better but I have to say I did cry off and on...It's so pathetic of me to waste tears on someone who could care less if I'm doing alright or not...I can't believe there has not even been a call from him...to see if I'm OK or not. It hurts alot....everyday I think about what I lost with him...he was so good to me and no one ever understood me like he did...NO ONE LS has given me insight on so many issues I question myself on...You have no idea how important this is for me to be able to write my thoughts and hurt and hear others giving me feedback on their opinions and feelings....Thank you for that...Negative is always acceptable too....because I know there are others who bad mouth OW and say we get what we deserve...but everyone thinks differently and there is no sure fire answers to make us feel better...Wish there was a miracle pill that can erase any thoughts you don't want....I'm trying to "BLANK MY MIND" of MM..pretend I was just dreaming all these years. Sometimes I can do it...but then it all coming rolling right back into the old brain again. Well talk later, L DD
Miffy Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Doggy I am there with you and know exactly how you are feeling or at least I think so - some days are good other days you can't stop thinking about them! I too have got to the stage where I need to stop thinking about him and erase him from my mind - I have tried self help books, the lot! Not found the ideal yet but here's some thoughts: apparently it only takes 28 days of non contact before you can think about him before hurting - do not contact or you go back to square 1 wearing an elastic band on your wrist works too - every time you think of him snap it against your wrist - enough to hurt but not enough to damage skin. its known as aversion therapy and after a week of doind it your brain susses out that thinking of that person causes physical pain and so you stop thinking about him. remember that the person you had the affair with has bad days too when things are not good at home and will be wishing they were with you - try and keep the memory fun by not maudling - men hate a clingy woman! make it look like your life is fun without them too and they will wonder what they are missing. try and find other fun things in your life - new friends, go to a gym or for a walk - its true that exercise`makes you feel better and you will look better too! treat yourself like you have had an illness - a broken heart needs to be mended with lots of 'feel good' treats - but not fattening!!!!! try and remember bad things about the affair - remember him looking rough/doing things you did not like - your memory tricks you into thinking it was all good when in reality it was probably far from rosey some of the time with lots of guilt too. often you have an affair because you miss something in yourself - read some self help books/ record a 'feel good' music cd - - have one with songs like 'i will survive' 'independant woman' its raining men' those vsort of pick me up songs that really pick your mood up. just some ideas from experience anyway - probably not for everybody but some to try!
DoggyDog Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Miffy: Thanks for your experienced thoughts on how to cope. Self help books are good and a friend of mine who just went thru a divorce with her H to the OW gave me two books. I've been reading them the last couple days and althought they are for a married woman wanting to leave her marriage, there were alot of tips on loss, depression, getting yourself happy again etc. Oh...also guilt. Happy it's the weekend, I'm gonna chill with the books and some wine.....come another new week of NC from either. Going on 2 mos soon. Don't want to let you guys down. L DD
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