Can I save this situation?

July 11, 2013

I don't know how long you've been divorced, or what your dating experiences have been thus far, but I went thru it for 8 years, in my 40s. It's a whole different world, and that's putting it lightly. I will just say that when something is right, you'll know it, you'll just feel it. And anything that takes this much effort and consternation is either not right, or off to a really bad start, LOL! Hang in there!

July 11, 2013

Yeah, this sounds like good advice. I will send something, as I still haven't replied yet.

This may sounds stupid...but I am a little mad at him. I'd got to the point of feeling not great, but sort of fine with not hearing from him, then after a three-day silence, I get a really weird message? I don't know what to do with that. If he wanted to blow me off, then he could've achieved that with no text. The best thing, in my opinion, would be to send a more honest message saying something along the lines of "I had a nice time, but don't feel like this is something I want to pursue right now," for example. Now I'm just like, what does this mean? And why send it?

I guess he's maybe trying to be polite, as he said he'd text?

The other side of the argument, as other posters have suggested, is that there is some interest, or he wouldn't have got in touch at all. But at best, he's sounding me out, as there's no suggestion of any future plans. But he did say our other plans were 'nice.' I have no idea.

I guess I'm giving this more attention than it deserves. Plan should be to follow all your advice to send something light and casual, then to forget about it, I guess.

Actually, at this point, I won't be that upset even if I don't get a reply to my text. Although I might wish I hadn't sent it.

He will not text just to be polite, he's a man, he wouldnt care what you thought about him if he was done with you. Guys dont usually work like that. As the other posters said, he's feeling you out, and do not wonder what what he is thinking, just try to get him for another date so you can KNOW if he's interested. Maybe you enjoy the wondering, the mystery, the emotions involved, which if thats the case you can. But that can get addictive, and practically its useless. Just try to get the next date and dont wonder about anything else.

July 11, 2013

He will not text just to be polite, he's a man, he wouldnt care what you thought about him if he was done with you. Guys dont usually work like that. As the other posters said, he's feeling you out, and do not wonder what what he is thinking, just try to get him for another date so you can KNOW if he's interested. Maybe you enjoy the wondering, the mystery, the emotions involved, which if thats the case you can. But that can get addictive, and practically its useless. Just try to get the next date and dont wonder about anything else.

The first point is really interrsting to me. I guess I just fnd it weird that it's such a low brow message! Like, why make it seem like you're SO not interested, when actually, you might be?

Well, I replied to him before I got your message, with something very low brow and casual. That was like, hang on...ok, like 14 hours ago, and no reply, so maybe it really was a blow-off rather than sounding out?

So, you say t o try and get him for another date if I want to know what he's thinking - at this point, do you have any suggestions of how? I mean, I guess I will wait to see if he comtacts me again.

If he was sounding me out, do you think because my message was so casual, he would think that I'm not bothered?

Thank you so much for your reply. I guess to some extent I may enjoy the thinking/questioning etc. I think that because I do feel like I have othe options, it's kind of interesting to pontificate on, as the stakes aren't too high.

Having said that, given the opportunity, I would see him again, although I won't be massively despondent if I don't. Right now, I'm still a little inclined to think he;s not that bothered, and I won't see him.

I find it interesting that say he wouldn't bother messaging if he was done, because that kind of stands up to my previous experience.

July 11, 2013

I don't know how long you've been divorced, or what your dating experiences have been thus far, but I went thru it for 8 years, in my 40s. It's a whole different world, and that's putting it lightly. I will just say that when something is right, you'll know it, you'll just feel it. And anything that takes this much effort and consternation is either not right, or off to a really bad start, LOL! Hang in there!

Great message, thanks! Divorce is pretty recent, but a long time in coming, so feels very much resolved, over.

I like the idea that when something is right, you'll feel it, and it should be easier.

And thank-you - hanging in there (trying to anyway!)

Sounds like you have come through the other side - glad to hear it

July 11, 2013

The first point is really interrsting to me. I guess I just fnd it weird that it's such a low brow message! Like, why make it seem like you're SO not interested, when actually, you might be?

Well, I replied to him before I got your message, with something very low brow and casual. That was like, hang on...ok, like 14 hours ago, and no reply, so maybe it really was a blow-off rather than sounding out?

yea that was a while ago, so if you texted him and he hasnt answered yet, then you are probably his backup plan. Did you leave it open ended or did you at least ask him a question to engage him? He might think you dont want to engage if you didnt give him something to go off of.

July 12, 2013

Much easier as a woman. Just send a text saying hey hope things are well, want to go out this weekend, if not no worries. If he doesn't respond or does but it's a no, that's that. Yes this sounds a little desperate but if he's not interested then nothing lost, and if he is but thought maybe you weren't (mixed signals), he'll like your assertiveness.

If you haven't heard by Saturday (4 days) then he isn't interested. I usually waited three days. I never texted or called the day of or the day after a second date. That reeks of desperation to a woman.

July 12, 2013

yea that was a while ago, so if you texted him and he hasnt answered yet, then you are probably his backup plan. Did you leave it open ended or did you at least ask him a question to engage him? He might think you dont want to engage if you didnt give him something to go off of.

I didn't put an x, and I made a comment about the dog, said "hope your meeting was ok?" (question mark) and "it was nice to see you too." Pretty inconclusive I thought. I don't know - would you respond to that?

July 12, 2013

How long did it take you to reply?

He sent the message at six one evening, and I replied at like, nine, ten the next day. My message was pretty non-comittal, I think.

July 12, 2013

Much easier as a woman. Just send a text saying hey hope things are well, want to go out this weekend, if not no worries. If he doesn't respond or does but it's a no, that's that. Yes this sounds a little desperate but if he's not interested then nothing lost, and if he is but thought maybe you weren't (mixed signals), he'll like your assertiveness.

If you haven't heard by Saturday (4 days) then he isn't interested. I usually waited three days. I never texted or called the day of or the day after a second date. That reeks of desperation to a woman.

Thanks. I'm thinking this is what I might do.

Okay, so it looks bad:

1. Look ages for him to message me. Well, three days, but before that he messaged really quickly.

2. He didn't reply to my message.

On the other hand.

1. My message didn't give him much to engage on.

2. What do I have to lose.

So, although on balance I'm thinking he's not interested, I'm pretty keen to send a very honest message saying I had a nice time, and I'd like to meet again, if he feels the same.

If he says no, which is pretty likely, I'll just say it was nice to meet.

I feel like I might feel good taking some initiative and being upfront and honest. I've calmed down about the situation, and don't have much invested it in, so I'd like to see him again, but won't be too upset if I don't.

If someone sent me the message I'm going to send, I don't think I'd have too many misgivings. I hope I'd just graciously decline, if not interested. I've not been interested in people who've been interedtes in me before, and I don't think it made me think less of them, or like they were idiots or anything.

July 12, 2013

So you went a whole day? Didnt you send the message yesterday? Hell probly reply today.
Next time dont take so long to reply

No I only took overnight. He sent the message wednesday night, I replied thursday morning.

July 12, 2013

He's not interested. Stop wasting your time.

It took him three days to send you a text message. He hasn't called you. He hasn't asked you out again. Now he hasn't even responded to your text message, even though you asked him a question. In other words, he's ignoring you.

I keep seeing this "you have nothing to lose" argument. Well, you do. You are continuing to waste time, thought, and energy on a guy who isn't into you. You are getting more invested in him. If you text him again and he has absolutely nothing better to do, he may even agree to see you again. But where does that get you? Further engaged and invested with a guy who really isn't all that interested in you, and couldn't be bothered to call you and ask you out all week. In my opinion, you have nothing to gain by asking him out or sending another text.

July 12, 2013

If you want a quick response back then don't take ages to respond to his initial message. If I don't get a quick response back I usually assume the girl isn't interested or playing games... Sometimes if I am really attracted I will give it another chance but I usually won't re-initiate for at least the same length of time she took to respond to me.. Maybe even longer.

If I were you, I would wait a few more days before specifically asking him out... Then, you mine as well try to ask him out, nothing to lose. But, give it a bit more time for him to respond.

I also wouldn't re-iteriate that you had a nice time... Maybe, just make plans to do something and say "hey, thought you might be interested in joining me".

July 12, 2013

He's not interested. Stop wasting your time.

It took him three days to send you a text message. He hasn't called you. He hasn't asked you out again. Now he hasn't even responded to your text message, even though you asked him a question. In other words, he's ignoring you.

I keep seeing this "you have nothing to lose" argument. Well, you do. You are continuing to waste time, thought, and energy on a guy who isn't into you. You are getting more invested in him. If you text him again and he has absolutely nothing better to do, he may even agree to see you again. But where does that get you? Further engaged and invested with a guy who really isn't all that interested in you, and couldn't be bothered to call you and ask you out all week. In my opinion, you have nothing to gain by asking him out or sending another text.

Thanks. You're most likely right. I guess I was feeling like I had put out mixed signals, or maybe he was uncomfortable after the last time we met, because I found it quite difficult to understand how somone could go from so hot to completely cold. This is good info though. Thanks.

July 12, 2013

Oh okay i thought you meant you sent it 9 or 10 the next night.
Well the ball is in his court then but he seems laid back.
But you only met him twice right?
Dont expect him to be crazy over you just yet...
Meet other men, get to know them
and time will tell.

So I guess you think I should do nothing?

It's nuts anyway, I'm sure I wouldn't be interested in a long term thing with this guy, and I do have other prospects right now, so I don't really know why I'm dithering so much.

This is weird, my friend was signed in to the dating site, and he was signed in. Then she signed off, and I signed in, but he signed off. Coincidence? Cyber avoiding/ignoring?

July 12, 2013

If you feel you must do something you can ask if hes still interested in getting together
if theres some interest he will agree but stay out of the bedroom.
If he ignores you, you have your answer.
Id recommend waiting though, but i know how it is to drive yourself crazy over things.
Id still date others though, either way.

Thanks. I'm going to do nothing right now.

Thank-you for all your help

July 12, 2013

If you haven't heard by Saturday (4 days) then he isn't interested. I usually waited three days. I never texted or called the day of or the day after a second date. That reeks of desperation to a woman.

I think it's silly, I prefer to be asked out at the end of the current date, on the spot. That lets me know he's into me, and I love it.

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