Decode these texts between MM & OW

[whichwayisup]

Not that i know of that, not that i'm aware of. I dont call him daddy, no, gross.

 

I feel like I'm the weakest OW to grace the LS

 

Absolutely nothing is going to change unless you want to change things so you can feel better and feel stronger. This is YOUR life, so take control and STOP worrying so much about MM and what he does or doesn't do. Honestly, he is going to put himself first and do what is best for HIM, always. Maybe it's time you start doing the same, and then you'll feel stronger and happier.

[LilGirlandOW]

but surely his family doesn't know all? Which family members compliment you on keeping him happy?

 

his family know I'm his girlfriend, I've spent time with some of them even. BS keeps his family at a distance.

[sweet_pea]

How did they come to find out that you are his 'girlfriend?' Did he tell them, did you? They are aware of a romantic relationship? Wow that's rare. You should tell his family, family (wife and kids) if everyone else knows!

[CALOVELY]

 

What also complicates things is MM family knows about me, and are accepting and appreciative of me for treating MM so well and making him so happy, I think that plays a role in everything. They weigh alot of his happiness over the past year on me...

 

 

So his wife/mother/father/kids/brothers/sisters/aunts/uncles/nieces and nephews are cool with you........so why did he run then? You mean to tell me they are over the moon with you after 7 months of cheating with him despite his being married for a decade and a half? They just opened their hearts and suddenly you are all exchanging recipes? I'm going to bet my next paycheck that they have never met you and all you are going off on is what he claims to have to told them...........which is nothing btw.

[LilGirlandOW]

He told them about us, and that he's in love with me. He doesnt hide much anything from them, they know his full story.

[CALOVELY]

In the middle of a remodel?

 

Nope, just my fantasy. Someday.

[LilGirlandOW]

Yes I have met some of them, spent alot of time with his siblings.

[CALOVELY]

He told them about us, and that he's in love with me. He doesnt hide much anything from them, they know his full story.

 

You are trusting a known liar. He could tell you the sky is blue but I would recommend going outside to check.

[CALOVELY]

Yes I have met some of them, spent alot of time with his siblings.

 

So why the secrecy then? His family knows about you, he cannot stand his wife, he claims they don't have sex (a lie btw), he wants to leave, he loves you more than anything...........why again hasn't he left for you rather than ditch you to protect his own butt? If everything is so on the up and up, why are you two not screwing at the Shangri La and writing your love in the sky?

Edited July 10, 2013 by CALOVELY

[CALOVELY]

I'm not convinced. Everyone knows except the BS and the kids? Have you met the other family members?

 

And he still won't leave his wife, even though you make him so happy and his family knows about you?

 

Smells pretty fishy to me...

 

I have known 4 MM in my life as co-workers. Not a single thing that OW claim here are something that actually happen. These MM spend all their energy trying to keep their real family and the OW apart and their biggest horror would be if their two worlds collided. Telling their mother/father/sister/brother/cousin/BIL/SIL/children/friends never happen....ever. OP, just show up at his family house for Friday night dinner. That will tell you all you need to know.

 

I know you think I am being hard on you. As a woman who was in an abusive (non-cheating) relationship I can comfortably tell you that every single thing this jerk is telling you is right out of the abuser handbook. He reduces you down to his everything and feeds you just enough to keep you going. It's b@ll*****.

[LilGirlandOW]

You dont know them not having sex is a lie. It happens! I know for a fact, prior to us starting EA or PA, they had sex at best 4-5 times a year! I know this from one of his guy friends, who is also my friend (doesnt know about us).. MM told him in guy chat over beers, nothing to do with me that they have no attraction to eachother and that the urge isnt there and when it happens its forced and borring, blah blah blah.

 

So why now that we're together would he start up sex with her more or even at all? We have a great, VERY active and passionate sex life.

[Journee]

You dont know them not having sex is a lie. It happens! I know for a fact, prior to us starting EA or PA, they had sex at best 4-5 times a year! I know this from one of his guy friends, who is also my friend (doesnt know about us).. MM told him in guy chat over beers, nothing to do with me that they have no attraction to eachother and that the urge isnt there and when it happens its forced and borring, blah blah blah.

 

So why now that we're together would he start up sex with her more or even at all? We have a great, VERY active and passionate sex life.

 

 

 

What does that have to do with anything? What relevance is there with great/bad/imaginary etc. sex and the serious junk that really matters going on in your life now?

 

That's what it boils down to ? A vagina competition?

[sweet_pea]

He told them about us, and that he's in love with me. He doesnt hide much anything from them, they know his full story.

 

You were there when he told everyone? Heard it with your own ears? Have YOU told his family that you love him/you are BF & GF?

[MissBee]

You dont know them not having sex is a lie. It happens! I know for a fact, prior to us starting EA or PA, they had sex at best 4-5 times a year! I know this from one of his guy friends, who is also my friend (doesnt know about us).. MM told him in guy chat over beers, nothing to do with me that they have no attraction to eachother and that the urge isnt there and when it happens its forced and borring, blah blah blah.

So why now that we're together would he start up sex with her more or even at all? We have a great, VERY active and passionate sex life.

 

I'm sure you do, as sex is probably the main reason he's in this arrangement with you.

[HopingAgain]

You dont know them not having sex is a lie. It happens! I know for a fact, prior to us starting EA or PA, they had sex at best 4-5 times a year! I know this from one of his guy friends, who is also my friend (doesnt know about us).. MM told him in guy chat over beers, nothing to do with me that they have no attraction to eachother and that the urge isnt there and when it happens its forced and borring, blah blah blah.

 

So why now that we're together would he start up sex with her more or even at all? We have a great, VERY active and passionate sex life.

 

Lil, now.you're just not being realistic at all. Very, very few MM cease having.sex with.their BS during an affair. And yes, some.do have even MORE sex with their wives.during the affair. I just sometimes wonder reading your posts if you're at all grounded in reality? I think you're in for an extremely rude awakening on your Dday if/when it comes.

[LilGirlandOW]

At this point, I wholeheartedly doubt the veracity of any of LGOW's claims. Each and every one of her posts only seem to increase in melodrama, feigned naivety and artificial innocence.

 

You think I'm lying? I have nobody to talk to during this A.

 

I'm sure I'm not the first OW to fall madly in love with her MM, maybe the first to have a MM/stbxH incident, I'm trying not to hold back, hopefully in the future I can get my ducks in a row and other OW experiencing the same will know they are not the only ones going through this.

 

If there is an easy button in A's I sure havn't found it, if there is an easy button in life... havnt found that one either. But this is my story, I'm not 100% proud of the past year, but I'm working on getting to a point where I can be proud of myself and my choices.

 

back a couple months ago before I found LS, I was even more lost and confused if you can imagine that, I considered myself his SO, I saw our R as a beautiful love story. Now I see that's only the reality during the peaks when we're together, and waking up to the harsh reality that between those peaks are dark lonely valleys.

 

This IS my story & struggle, take it or leave it... I'm not trying to hold back information to make it seem to conform more to what anybody wants to hear.

[Pierre]

You think I'm lying? I have nobody to talk to during this A.

 

I'm sure I'm not the first OW to fall madly in love with her MM, maybe the first to have a MM/stbxH incident, I'm trying not to hold back, hopefully in the future I can get my ducks in a row and other OW experiencing the same will know they are not the only ones going through this.

 

If there is an easy button in A's I sure havn't found it, if there is an easy button in life... havnt found that one either. But this is my story, I'm not 100% proud of the past year, but I'm working on getting to a point where I can be proud of myself and my choices.

 

back a couple months ago before I found LS, I was even more lost and confused if you can imagine that, I considered myself his SO, I saw our R as a beautiful love story. Now I see that's only the reality during the peaks when we're together, and waking up to the harsh reality that between those peaks are dark lonely valleys.

 

This IS my story & struggle, take it or leave it... I'm not trying to hold back information to make it seem to conform more to what anybody wants to hear.

 

The way I see this you have two choices:

 

1. Accept your role as the undemanding, low maintenance, and submissive OW and move on.

2. Try to fix your life.

 

I think you are leaning to No. 1.

 

Just be the low maintenance OW and move on. Maybe this is your destiny and there is no point in looking at other alternatives.

Edited July 10, 2013 by Pierre

[Pierre]

Exactly. Only how long is No. 2 destined 2 last? And what comes after that?

 

-ol' 2long

 

I noted that after the incident OP became very submissive and it seems she has pretty much accepted whatever MM does with her. So be it.:(

[Turtles]

OW: I'm starting to wonder if I'm causing you to much stress, which might be invading your work life, I'm scared my expectations and hopes are hurting you and you seem sad and extended all the time. I'm scared my love for you and wanting to be with you is hurting you, Thats all.

 

IDK, Lil, I am pretty sure your expectations & hopes at this point are low enough that they are not going to cause him any stress - after all this is the guy who left you while you were getting beat up and you still came back in his lap. You made it clear to him there is pretty much nothing he can do or fail to do that would cause you to stop adoring him and he loves it. And you'll throw yourself under a train if you have to so his wife won't discover his affair. Why would he want a way out? A way out from what?

[BrokenPrincess]

You think I'm lying? I have nobody to talk to during this A.

Why not? If your MM has even told his family & friends that you're his girlfriend, why don't you have anybody to talk to about your A? You don't have one friend or family member you can talk to? Or can you get in IC? If you have truly NEVER said any of this out loud to anyone, maybe that is part of the reason you keep spinning your wheels. For me at least, I found it extremely sobering to actually the say the words out loud to someone and confess what I've been up to during my year as OW.

 

But this is my story, I'm not 100% proud of the past year, but I'm working on getting to a point where I can be proud of myself and my choices.

Like what? What have you done to make ANY change? I thinking filing a RO against xH would be an excellent start. Or even just not taking care of fixing MMs necklace would be a great baby step.

[Spark1111]

hey, my fWS told his oldest sibling how unhappy he was in his marriage, and he even mentioned a coworker he was starting to really, really like.

 

She told him to get counseling.

 

three months later, he mentions the OW again, and aghast, she asks, " You mean you haven't gone for counseling yet?"

 

He tells his OW how wonderful his sister finds it that he has found happiness and sis has their full support.

 

delusional fantasy bullpucky to either assuage his guilty conscience OR keep the OW at ease that his lies about our marriage were true.

[The Way I Am]

You think I'm lying? I have nobody to talk to during this A.

 

If his family know about the A and love you, why can't you talk to any of them about it?

[scatterd]

It sounds like your MM is the only one that is getting what he wants. He does not have any respect for his wife nor does his family. He gets to use you when he wants and his family backs him up. I would run. Someday you could end up be treated like his wife. He should not expect others to make him happy thats asking to much. His Job will end up being his excuse for everything and its probably been the same excuse to his wife. My husband used that for years, along with after this it will be better. Also he never stuck up for me in anything. But he needed me to stick up for him.Your MM comes from a dysfunctional family obviously. Run lilGirl run. Find someone better and don't look back.

[Summer Breeze]

LGOW. DMMs family knew about me and that he was in an A with me. I knew some of his siblings before I met him. His M and I met and got along great. They knew he hadn't been really happy for a long time. His M loved me but hated what he was doing to his W. She actually created one of the ddays. When I ended things with him she and I stayed in contact and now that we're together she and I have a great R. I spent time with his family and started strong Rs with them way back then.

 

It does happen.

[Summer Breeze]

Sending text messages is so easy so quick and not even needing of much thought. Takes no time or effort at all. Why do you put so much into text words. actions actions please look at that.

 

One of the things his W told me the first time we talked after a dday was how she hated that he had never texted or emailed her like he did me. As the conversation went on she admitted he'd tried to start it (a few years before he even met me) and she couldn't be bothered so any frivolous messages from him simply stopped.