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Decode these texts between MM & OW

LilGirlandOW

By LilGirlandOW
in The Other Man / Woman

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CALOVELY Established Member

CALOVELY

Posted
Posted
Its 2 hours later and he just texted me;

 

 

MM: I hope everythings all good baby I miss you

 

OW: I miss you too

 

MM: Ok baby, I just got to work, love you xo

 

 

 

I am assuming he's choosing to carry on A and not back burner me.

 

I'm beginning to think this is performance art. Seriously, you are happy he isn't shoving you to the back burner after bailing on you to get pummeled by your STBXH? Are you really this desperate for love that this is okay with you or is this some grand social experiment to see what random internet people think about this extraordinarily abusive situation?

  • Like 8
veryhappy Established Member

veryhappy

Posted
Posted

At first read, I thought this was out of a movie you were watching. That would have made more sense.

 

He left you at the hands of a violent man and you are worried about him getting everything? Keep being the good, understanding, lovely OW if that's your goal. He gets the wife, the family, the promotion, the amazing OW. What a good deal as long as it's going on.

 

We've been there...oh you love him so much, you just can't see he won't defend you or help you in any circumstances even if it's right under your eyes. If you feel like doing charity work to keep him happy, by all means. You'll only stop when you will feel that it's too much for you.

  • Like 1
jphcbpa Established Member

jphcbpa

Posted
Posted
Its 2 hours later and he just texted me;

 

 

MM: I hope everythings all good baby I miss you

 

OW: I miss you too

 

MM: Ok baby, I just got to work, love you xo

 

 

 

I am assuming he's choosing to carry on A and not back burner me.

 

Crumbs...

 

You can have the full loaf/cake if you want. You have a choice!

  • Like 2
veryhappy Established Member

veryhappy

Posted
Posted
I'm OP's age, a WOMAN. If my SO called me lil girl it would freak me out... not to mention condescending and disrespectful. What would a grown man want with a little girl? :sick: Very creepy.

 

 

It's not creepy. He was changing the subject to being sexual. I think many MM do that. The little girl thing can work between two consenting adults. He doesn't need to be a pervert, and she's obviosly not a little girl.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
It's not creepy. He was changing the subject to being sexual. I think many MM do that. The little girl thing can work between two consenting adults. He doesn't need to be a pervert, and she's obviosly not a little girl.

 

It is creepy. The OP has said she looks much younger than her age and the MM looks older. It just does not sit right between two adults in an equal relationship. She is his little pet/toy.

  • Like 9
HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

Posted
Posted
100% agree!

 

O.k., so you know there is at least part of you that wants some space and out of this dynamic. Build on that! Stop pushing it down out of fear and let thosedesires for peace and better treatment grow!

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
Its 2 hours later and he just texted me;

 

 

MM: I hope everythings all good baby I miss you

 

OW: I miss you too

 

MM: Ok baby, I just got to work, love you xo

 

 

 

I am assuming he's choosing to carry on A and not back burner me.

 

LIL...you're totally missing the big picture.

 

Carrying on the A...after all that happened...is putting you on the back burner.

  • Like 3
Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
Posted
It sounds a bit corny, but maybe that is the style of communication.

 

 

A bit corny?

 

To me it not only sounds corny, but like two people who are not really communicating as adults.

  • Like 6
threelaurels Established Member

threelaurels

Posted
Posted

MM: Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. I thank you for that

 

Do you have some kind of daddy/girl BDSM dynamic with him?

  • Like 2
Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
Posted
I was watching some TV show that triggered a moment of a feeling of loss and hurt over being in the affair. I thought what if he has been looking for an out to go back to a regular life. Especially in light of recent events. And I know the promotion is stressing him out, so i used that stress to give him an easy out, here are the texts;

 

_______________________________________________________

 

OW: Do you have a couple minutes to chat, there are some things i would like to say to you (keeping in mind that contact in any way is usually initiated in a real lovey kinda way, like pet names, xoxox, love yous, etc.... you get the point).

 

MM: Everything ok?

 

MM: Whats wrong?

 

MM: Well talk to me about what it is thats bothering you

 

OW: First of all, I do love you, second

 

MM: Ok, so then whats wrong? whats going on?

 

OW: I'm starting to wonder if I'm causing you to much stress, which might be invading your work life, I'm scared my expectations and hopes are hurting you and you seem sad and extended all the time. I'm scared my love for you and wanting to be with you is hurting you, Thats all.

 

MM: Its not you, I have alot on my plate with my new job and as soon as I'm adjusted things will be better, thats all baby.

 

MM: It will be ok baby.

 

OW: Especially with the new promotion, I just want you to have it all, and I dont want to derail that

 

MM: Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. I thank you for that

 

OW: Thanks for listening

 

MM: Its the job baby, dont worry

 

MM: I will always listen to you

 

MM: I love you xoxo

 

OW: I love you too xoxo

 

____________________________________________________________

 

Was that a fair shot on an easy out?

 

Why are you taking such a submissive roll in this relationship?

  • Like 1
georgia girl Established Member

georgia girl

Posted
Posted
I was watching some TV show that triggered a moment of a feeling of loss and hurt over being in the affair. I thought what if he has been looking for an out to go back to a regular life. Especially in light of recent events. And I know the promotion is stressing him out, so i used that stress to give him an easy out, here are the texts;

 

_______________________________________________________

 

OW: Do you have a couple minutes to chat, there are some things i would like to say to you (keeping in mind that contact in any way is usually initiated in a real lovey kinda way, like pet names, xoxox, love yous, etc.... you get the point).

 

MM: Everything ok?

 

MM: Whats wrong?

 

MM: Well talk to me about what it is thats bothering you

 

OW: First of all, I do love you, second

 

MM: Ok, so then whats wrong? whats going on?

 

OW: I'm starting to wonder if I'm causing you to much stress, which might be invading your work life, I'm scared my expectations and hopes are hurting you and you seem sad and extended all the time. I'm scared my love for you and wanting to be with you is hurting you, Thats all.

 

MM: Its not you, I have alot on my plate with my new job and as soon as I'm adjusted things will be better, thats all baby.

 

MM: It will be ok baby.

 

OW: Especially with the new promotion, I just want you to have it all, and I dont want to derail that

 

MM: Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. I thank you for that

 

OW: Thanks for listening

 

MM: Its the job baby, dont worry

 

MM: I will always listen to you

 

MM: I love you xoxo

 

OW: I love you too xoxo

 

____________________________________________________________

 

Was that a fair shot on an easy out?

 

LGOW,

 

Here's my interpretation. You weren't trying to give him an easy way out. You were trying to make him so darned comfortable and assure him that there would be no problems with you in order to ASSURE that he wouldn't leave.

 

In the meantime, you totally subjugated yourself to him. Completely. It doesn't matter to you whether he leaves you for dead with your ex-husband. It doesn't matter to you that he did that solely to ensure that his wife didn't find out about you. All that truly seems to matter to you is that he stays in your life, whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice you need to make.

 

LGOW, be very careful. You haven't heard the last from your ex. He will pursue, pursue, pursue now that he knows you have someone else. And now, you know that the next time he comes over, your MM won't help you, protect you or even call 911 anonymously, for goodness sake.

 

You sacrifice way too much of yourself to feel loved. It's dangerous. Self-love is one of the most critical life skills a person needs to have. You really need to focus on you and get rid of any men in your life for awhile.

 

Sorry to be so harsh, but you really need some tough love. Don't you have a good girlfriend that you can share everything with and get her perspective? I think you need a trusted opinion around you.

  • Like 7
sweet_pea Established Member

sweet_pea

Posted
Posted
LGOW,

 

Here's my interpretation. You weren't trying to give him an easy way out. You were trying to make him so darned comfortable and assure him that there would be no problems with you in order to ASSURE that he wouldn't leave.

 

In the meantime, you totally subjugated yourself to him. Completely. It doesn't matter to you whether he leaves you for dead with your ex-husband. It doesn't matter to you that he did that solely to ensure that his wife didn't find out about you. All that truly seems to matter to you is that he stays in your life, whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice you need to make.

 

LGOW, be very careful. You haven't heard the last from your ex. He will pursue, pursue, pursue now that he knows you have someone else. And now, you know that the next time he comes over, your MM won't help you, protect you or even call 911 anonymously, for goodness sake.

 

You sacrifice way too much of yourself to feel loved. It's dangerous. Self-love is one of the most critical life skills a person needs to have. You really need to focus on you and get rid of any men in your life for awhile.

 

Sorry to be so harsh, but you really need some tough love. Don't you have a good girlfriend that you can share everything with and get her perspective? I think you need a trusted opinion around you.

 

Yes! Everything GG said is so well put, especially the bolded.

  • Author
LilGirlandOW Established Member

LilGirlandOW

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Do you have some kind of daddy/girl BDSM dynamic with him?

 

Not that i know of that, not that i'm aware of. I dont call him daddy, no, gross.

 

I feel like I'm the weakest OW to grace the LS :(

Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
Posted

I don't know if you are weak, but you sure don't sound like you have an equal stance in the relationship dynamic.

beach Established Member

beach

Posted
Posted

You expect too little - and he knows that!

 

I wish you expected a man to at least be available and kind. That's not him!

krazikat Established Member

krazikat

Posted
Posted
Not that i know of that, not that i'm aware of. I dont call him daddy, no, gross.

 

I feel like I'm the weakest OW to grace the LS :(

 

(((lgow))))

 

Read thru this thread again. And then again. You went from one abusive r to another...but this mm feels so good because the abuse is so different from your h.

 

My h fOW is physically beautiful. She is a hot chick. But she was broken, has low self esteem, had a previous abusive m... and my fWH used that to his advantage. Played the same mind games with her to keep her hanging on. Their A lasted over 4 years. When I discovered it, she was dropped. It was instant. And she still texted him over and over with ily and begging him to call. It was pathetic. It was sad. Even tho she was horrible to me, I still recognized her pain.

 

She thought we slept in separate rooms. She thought we didnt have sex. She thought... many things that werent true. And just explore the infidelity side...really read the posts by bw, really understand how very common your mm story is...and how often it was a straight up lie.

 

Think about it...if his wife is just like a roomie, why hide his r with you? If he loves you so much, why hide his r with you? If he loved you so much, why did he run when you were in danger? The truth, lgow, is that He and his WIFE have history, and love. His WIFE is his primary r...you are his side piece. And one who he knows has low self worth.

 

I am not saying this to try and hurt you, girl...but to try and get you to really think about it...to open up your eyes.

 

You need ic. You need to love yourself. YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF. Yes, you are weak right now. But you dont have to stay that way. Just like you have to nurture your body to stay in shape, you must nurture your soul for mental health.

 

Here is another thought...lets say you hate apples. Absolutely will not touch one. But then you go a week or two without eating anything. Finally, there is food...an apple. That apple would likely taste like the best damn thing you have ever eaten in your life.

 

Think of mm as that apple. Your mm was your time of starvation....

  • Like 4
CALOVELY Established Member

CALOVELY

Posted
Posted
Not that i know of that, not that i'm aware of. I dont call him daddy, no, gross.

 

I feel like I'm the weakest OW to grace the LS :(

 

Oh spare me. You don't call him "Daddy" because that would be a realization that your relationship is one sided. No, he calls you "Lil' Girl" because the entire relationship is about what he wants.

 

I'm done with you. Enjoy your married man, duck when his wife comes for you and know that he will hid behind her.

  • Like 2
fllygirl Member

fllygirl

Posted
Posted

MM isn't going anywhere for now to make sure you won't file a report. He will throw lots of ILY your way to make sure you stay put and won't blow his cover. This is the time for you to get your power back in this R. But what you will do with it it's all up to you.

  • Author
LilGirlandOW Established Member

LilGirlandOW

Posted
  • Author
Posted
(((lgow))))

 

Here is another thought...lets say you hate apples. Absolutely will not touch one. But then you go a week or two without eating anything. Finally, there is food...an apple. That apple would likely taste like the best damn thing you have ever eaten in your life.

 

Think of mm as that apple. Your mm was your time of starvation....

 

I have the urge to "bust free", just not the strength..

 

What also complicates things is MM family knows about me, and are accepting and appreciative of me for treating MM so well and making him so happy, I think that plays a role in everything. They weigh alot of his happiness over the past year on me...

Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted
I have the urge to "bust free", just not the strength..

 

What also complicates things is MM family knows about me, and are accepting and appreciative of me for treating MM so well and making him so happy, I think that plays a role in everything. They weigh alot of his happiness over the past year on me...

 

but surely his family doesn't know all? Which family members compliment you on keeping him happy?

CALOVELY Established Member

CALOVELY

Posted
Posted
It's not creepy. He was changing the subject to being sexual. I think many MM do that. The little girl thing can work between two consenting adults. He doesn't need to be a pervert, and she's obviosly not a little girl.

 

Well of course married men change the subject to sex.....duh. What is the relationship afterall. Do they change the subject to double pane Pella windows and Cambria quartz countertops they are buying the OW in the new house they are living out their dreams in?

  • Like 2
sweet_pea Established Member

sweet_pea

Posted
Posted

So his family knows you are the OW? Or just a friend? Honestly, their thoughts on you shouldn't even matter. What should matter is YOUR self esteem and personal issues.

 

But not only does he put you on the back burner, but you seem to put yourself there too!

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)
I was watching some TV show that triggered a moment of a feeling of loss and hurt over being in the affair. I thought what if he has been looking for an out to go back to a regular life. Especially in light of recent events. And I know the promotion is stressing him out, so i used that stress to give him an easy out, here are the texts;

 

_______________________________________________________

 

OW: Do you have a couple minutes to chat, there are some things i would like to say to you (keeping in mind that contact in any way is usually initiated in a real lovey kinda way, like pet names, xoxox, love yous, etc.... you get the point).

 

MM: Everything ok?

 

MM: Whats wrong?

 

MM: Well talk to me about what it is thats bothering you

 

OW: First of all, I do love you, second

 

MM: Ok, so then whats wrong? whats going on?

 

OW: I'm starting to wonder if I'm causing you to much stress, which might be invading your work life, I'm scared my expectations and hopes are hurting you and you seem sad and extended all the time. I'm scared my love for you and wanting to be with you is hurting you, Thats all.

 

MM: Its not you, I have alot on my plate with my new job and as soon as I'm adjusted things will be better, thats all baby.

 

MM: It will be ok baby.

 

OW: Especially with the new promotion, I just want you to have it all, and I dont want to derail that

 

MM: Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. I thank you for that

 

OW: Thanks for listening

 

MM: Its the job baby, dont worry

 

MM: I will always listen to you

 

MM: I love you xoxo

 

OW: I love you too xoxo

 

____________________________________________________________

 

Was that a fair shot on an easy out?

 

 

 

You don't need to give him an out...you need to give yourself one. It seems everything you do in your life caters to the whims and fancies of the men in it and nothing is ever about you. You make excuses for MM and worry about him when he abandons you, your exH assaults you and you don't report it out of concern for him, and even still, you're taking MM's stress on to yourself and apologizing for loving him and trying to give him an "easy out."

 

You don't need to give him an out. Don't worry about him, he will be just fine. And eww...you're not a "little girl". Give yourself an out...you're the one who really needs it.

Edited by MissBee
  • Like 2
veryhappy Established Member

veryhappy

Posted
Posted
Well of course married men change the subject to sex.....duh. What is the relationship afterall. Do they change the subject to double pane Pella windows and Cambria quartz countertops they are buying the OW in the new house they are living out their dreams in?

 

In the middle of a remodel?

  • Like 1
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
I completely disagree with this. My bf calls me baby, love, sweetheart, etc. all freakin' day. He also tells me he loves me all day long. It is not because I am upset or doubting him. He says it because he means it. It's not disrespectful in my situation and I say it all right back.

 

And trust me, I demand all kinds of stuff from him, all the time. I expect him to behave as he should toward me and others and he does.

 

I think she's saying that when you are in a position to question or doubt certain men (as is the case for the OP where she has every right to and he knows it...or did you not read the OP's posts, but are commenting again about you and your bf irrespective of relevancy?) or know you'r guilty of something, often ILYs and terms of endearment will be doled out by the dozens to placate you. I don't think she means that every and all times a man does this it's for that reason, but in cases such as this where things are going haywire...

  • Like 3
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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