Decode these texts between MM & OW

July 9, 2013

I was watching some TV show that triggered a moment of a feeling of loss and hurt over being in the affair. I thought what if he has been looking for an out to go back to a regular life. Especially in light of recent events. And I know the promotion is stressing him out, so i used that stress to give him an easy out, here are the texts;

_______________________________________________________

OW: Do you have a couple minutes to chat, there are some things i would like to say to you (keeping in mind that contact in any way is usually initiated in a real lovey kinda way, like pet names, xoxox, love yous, etc.... you get the point).

MM: Everything ok?

MM: Whats wrong?

MM: Well talk to me about what it is thats bothering you

OW: First of all, I do love you, second

MM: Ok, so then whats wrong? whats going on?

OW: I'm starting to wonder if I'm causing you to much stress, which might be invading your work life, I'm scared my expectations and hopes are hurting you and you seem sad and extended all the time. I'm scared my love for you and wanting to be with you is hurting you, Thats all.

MM: Its not you, I have alot on my plate with my new job and as soon as I'm adjusted things will be better, thats all baby.

MM: It will be ok baby.

OW: Especially with the new promotion, I just want you to have it all, and I dont want to derail that

MM: Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. I thank you for that

OW: Thanks for listening

MM: Its the job baby, dont worry

MM: I will always listen to you

MM: I love you xoxo

OW: I love you too xoxo

____________________________________________________________

Was that a fair shot on an easy out?

July 9, 2013

Lil, he doesn't want an easy out right now. This is because he is getting what he needs from you. That could change at any time in the future, though. And when it does, you will know it. Go back carefully, and look at how he writes to you. He really doesn't see you as an equal. "His little girl baby"? It's not endearing, it's insulting.

July 9, 2013

I think it means, he still wants the affair but needs you to wait patiently.

July 9, 2013

I was watching some TV show that triggered a moment of a feeling of loss and hurt over being in the affair. I thought what if he has been looking for an out to go back to a regular life. Especially in light of recent events. And I know the promotion is stressing him out, so i used that stress to give him an easy out, here are the texts;

_______________________________________________________

OW: Do you have a couple minutes to chat, there are some things i would like to say to you (keeping in mind that contact in any way is usually initiated in a real lovey kinda way, like pet names, xoxox, love yous, etc.... you get the point).

MM: Everything ok?

MM: Whats wrong?

MM: Well talk to me about what it is thats bothering you

OW: First of all, I do love you, second

MM: Ok, so then whats wrong? whats going on?

OW: I'm starting to wonder if I'm causing you to much stress, which might be invading your work life, I'm scared my expectations and hopes are hurting you and you seem sad and extended all the time. I'm scared my love for you and wanting to be with you is hurting you, Thats all.

MM: Its not you, I have alot on my plate with my new job and as soon as I'm adjusted things will be better, thats all baby.

MM: It will be ok baby.

OW: Especially with the new promotion, I just want you to have it all, and I dont want to derail that

MM: Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. I thank you for that

OW: Thanks for listening

MM: Its the job baby, dont worry

MM: I will always listen to you

MM: I love you xoxo

OW: I love you too xoxo

____________________________________________________________

Was that a fair shot on an easy out?

Christ on a cracker, lady. How terribly awesome for him. You don't put any demands on him, don't want to invade his life and don't want to put any expectations on him. So where does that leave you? Has anything we have said here sunk in at all?!

Here's how the conversation should go:

OW: Hey butthole, we are done because you are a lying, cheating dirtbag who couldn't behave like a man if a trillion dollars were at stake. I'm also letting your wife know.

MM: (wets himself)

Edited July 9, 2013 by CALOVELY

July 9, 2013

To me, that sounded more like his work stress as an excuse to get validation from him, not give him a way out. C'mon he's not even married to you and he's an adult. If he wanted out of the A, he could just end it. He doesn't need you paving the road for his exit. Or can this man do nothing for himself?

Honestly I can't even believe this is what you're focusing on, him him him him, when your still-not-ex-H just kicked you in the ribs a few days ago. Again, your focus needs to be on YOU and getting your other urgent, dangerous issues resolved.

July 9, 2013

I am trying, I listen to everyone, feel blessed for all the wise and supportive and even critical responses.

I guess you're right and he could just leave, I just wanted to give him a way out without fear of A backlash (not that he would have any reason to think i'd contact BS or anything).

Like he could have said, "yes your right maybe i should focus on work and we cool things off".... done.

July 9, 2013

Decoded in Plain Spark speak:

I will say ABSOLUTELY anything to you to ENSURE you DON'T file a police report listing me as a witness to your STBXH's beating you.

I WILL KISS YOUR AZZ in Macy's window to placate you so I can remain pretty smug that report will never be filed and my wife and my employer WILL never find out.

Is there a statute of limitations on filing the police report? Anyone know? Because I predict this loveliest ends soon after.

July 9, 2013

So...if he's not gonna "just leave"...

It begs the question...what will YOU do???

Time to pull up the big girl britches and start owning your situation and taking some control of your own situation.

July 9, 2013

You know what I learned about men? That when they start to see you doubting them or questioning things or getting upset, they start to hand out the words "baby" and "I love you" like it's candy. It's amazing how well it works.

July 9, 2013

I am trying, I listen to everyone, feel blessed for all the wise and supportive and even critical responses.

I guess you're right and he could just leave, I just wanted to give him a way out without fear of A backlash (not that he would have any reason to think i'd contact BS or anything).

Like he could have said, "yes your right maybe i should focus on work and we cool things off".... done.

Do you think that maybe you want to give him an easy out, because if he lets go, it will be easier for you? It seems like a part of you wants relief from this situation, but you cannot find it within yourself to let go of him, so you are hoping maybe he will do it for you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work this way. If he walked away from you, he could just as easily come back and you would let him right back in because you haven't developed the inner strength yet to really tell him to get lost and firmly mean it.

July 9, 2013

I am trying, I listen to everyone, feel blessed for all the wise and supportive and even critical responses.

I guess you're right and he could just leave, I just wanted to give him a way out without fear of A backlash (not that he would have any reason to think i'd contact BS or anything).

Like he could have said, "yes your right maybe i should focus on work and we cool things off".... done.

How about this:

My D attorney says I need to report the assault today and list you as the only witness.

I told my lawyer that of course you would do that for me.

Please let us know his response.

July 9, 2013

I'm sorry but not only is that not a way out but those are not even loving words. It's a loving TONE, but it's not loving. Here's how the converstaion would go lovingly:

OW: Do you have a couple minutes to chat, there are some things i would like to say to you

MM: Everything ok?

MM: Whats wrong?

MM: Well talk to me about what it is thats bothering you

OW: First of all, I do love you, second

MM: Ok, so then whats wrong? whats going on?

OW: I'm starting to wonder if I'm causing you to much stress, which might be invading your work life, I'm scared my expectations and hopes are hurting you and you seem sad and extended all the time. I'm scared my love for you and wanting to be with you is hurting you, Thats all.

MM: I can't believe you would take that upon yourself. Of course you're not stressing me out. I AM!! I am being such an *******. I am using work as an excuse to pull away because the **** got too real, and I like you best when you're fun and easy. Man. I am really mistreating you and you're sounding apologetic. I really need to take a good hard look at how I am hurting all of us.

MM: It will be ok baby. I will make it ok. I will do the right thing and make a decision.

OW: Especially with the new promotion, I just want you to have it all, and I dont want to derail that

MM: I do have it all. I am as happy as a pig in ****. That's the problem. I am too advantaged in all of this. I am benefitting wayyy too much from this situation. Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. Ugh. I can't believe I just reverted back to that old habit of talking to you like a " good little doggie"---- getting you to stay put.

OW: Thanks for listening

MM: What listening? I didn't even listen to anything because you actually made NO DEMANDS ON ME!!! I should thank you. Thank YOU for trying to get to what's real. Its the job baby, dont worry. Don't worry--I am still using you for sex. I will always be up for that. But I'm gonna change that. Cause I really love you.

MM: I will always listen to you. I will always make myself available to you because you're hot!!! But I'm gonna move beyond that. I'm going to really HEAR you--and do right by you.

MM: I love you xoxo

OW: I love you too xoxo

I dunno, L'il. I just get the feeling you're being handled, maybe. Managed. But not loved.

You took the words right out of my mouth!

July 9, 2013

It sounds a bit corny, but maybe that is the style of communication.

I think he wants to put you in the back burner for a while.

What kind of work does he do? Why does the job keeps him away?

July 9, 2013

You're still the victim of YOUR choices.

Tell him you're filing a police report and he is required to give a statement because he was your witness and involved.

Then do that!

See how fast he runs far far away.

Start looking out for your best interest - you know it's not someone else's job to do that for you.

His text shows nothing of any effort - notice he wasn't even willing to call or see you?

And he really didn't say anything except... I need you to be quiet and good while I make empty promises I don't intend to keep.

He is full of crap - but it works because you believe he is saying something when he's actually not saying anything but crap.

July 9, 2013

He says "what's wrong?"

Omg - he knows exactly what is wrong - yet he plays stupid!

And strangely enough - it works for you.

It SHOULDN'T be enough!

July 9, 2013

I am trying, I listen to everyone, feel blessed for all the wise and supportive and even critical responses.

I guess you're right and he could just leave, I just wanted to give him a way out without fear of A backlash (not that he would have any reason to think i'd contact BS or anything).

Like he could have said, "yes your right maybe i should focus on work and we cool things off".... done.

For you to put your big girl panties on.

You know what to do and how to do it, you just don't want to.

At least admit it to yourself that you need to have someone treat you like shxt or it doesn't feel like they love you.

Why does HE have to end it....and why would he? He has a wife, family, looks like a great guy, new promotion, hot piece on the side that doesn't ask for much and covers for any bad behavior. What else would he want? Why would he change that?

It works great for him.

And apparently for you too...right?

July 9, 2013

Do you think that maybe you want to give him an easy out, because if he lets go, it will be easier for you? It seems like a part of you wants relief from this situation, but you cannot find it within yourself to let go of him, so you are hoping maybe he will do it for you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work this way. If he walked away from you, he could just as easily come back and you would let him right back in because you haven't developed the inner strength yet to really tell him to get lost and firmly mean it.

100% agree!

July 9, 2013

Honestly, it looks like an attention seeking effort on your part. Especially how you do the " I love you, but.." cliffhanger. My guess is he thinks you are needy and seeking contact for silly reasons. Perhaps this even makes him feel powerful.

July 9, 2013

Like he could have said, "yes your right maybe i should focus on work and we cool things off".... done.

Why the hell would he say that?! He has everything going for him. An unsuspecting wife at home and a girlfriend who after he ran out to save his own ass still wants him. What man on Earth would end that arrangement? It ends when you say (or his wife) says it ends. He will continue until the end of time with the way things are now.

July 9, 2013

MM: Thank you baby, I'm just so sorry that this is how it has to be right now and you make me so happy, you do, you are my little girl baby. I thank you for that

Is it just me or is anybody else grossed out by the bolded?

It just says to me everything I need to know about this relationship. He has power and dominance over the OP, treating her like a child who can be made to feel better by offering a sweetie. It's condescending, controlling, manipulative, selfish, egotistical, cold,.... shall I go on?

July 9, 2013

I'm more disgusted by his repeated comments about how hot she is and that he's just using her for xxx...but he's "trying to change that".

If that's all it takes, I can probably find several hundred guys willing to hook with most women up for that price.

July 9, 2013

no. no--That is MY, a poster's, interpretation. Their original text convo had nothing to do with that.

Sorry if i caused confusion. That was just my OPINION about the conversation's subtext.

My apologies...I misread based on that.

I APOLOGIZE UP FRONT, LIL. I should have gone back and re-read the original post.

I do still think you need to take a stand, however.

July 9, 2013

How about this:

My D attorney says I need to report the assault today and list you as the only witness.

I told my lawyer that of course you would do that for me.

Please let us know his response.

Also, "My attorney mentioned that witnessing a crime and failing to report it is in itself a crime under the Misprison of Felony law. Since I need to report the crime to protect myself, you will have to provide a witness statement under penalty of $5,000 fine or up to 3 years in prison".

Tell him this and see how fast he scrambles to try and pressure you not to. You will have your answer right there about how deep his love is for you.

July 9, 2013

You know what I learned about men? That when they start to see you doubting them or questioning things or getting upset, they start to hand out the words "baby" and "I love you" like it's candy. It's amazing how well it works.

I completely disagree with this. My bf calls me baby, love, sweetheart, etc. all freakin' day. He also tells me he loves me all day long. It is not because I am upset or doubting him. He says it because he means it. It's not disrespectful in my situation and I say it all right back.

And trust me, I demand all kinds of stuff from him, all the time. I expect him to behave as he should toward me and others and he does.

July 9, 2013

Its 2 hours later and he just texted me;

MM: I hope everythings all good baby I miss you

OW: I miss you too

MM: Ok baby, I just got to work, love you xo

I am assuming he's choosing to carry on A and not back burner me.

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Decode these texts between MM & OW

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