butterflyyy65 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 It has been about two and a half weeks since my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me. This is going to be kind of a complicated story, but I have no where else to turn because I am still completely heartbroken and don't know what to do. Any advice would help, please It started my senior year of high school. I got an internship at a big company in downtown Indy, and he was another intern there. We didn't really like each other at first, I could tell that he was kind of a player. He instantly took an interest in me and asked me out, and I agreed anyway. So we started dating, and it seemed to get serious fast. I remember the first time he was unfaithful. Another intern came to me and said that my boyfriend was trying to sext another girl. So she gave me the girls phone number and I texted her to see if it was for real. She sent me the same texts that my boyfriend sent to her, saying "do you want to play a game? I take off one piece of clothing and you take off one too." I was disgusted, and told him that I was going to break up with him. He then gave me this long speech about how he wants to change and believes that I am the one that can help him. After a long discussion, I took him back. This was the biggest mistake. I should have just left him, because there were so many red flags about our relationship. He was deeply depressed when I met him, and often he got angry at me for no reason (nothing physical, never). His dad is a pothead and drunk, and his mother moved out a couple months after we started dating. My boyfriend actually moved in with his best friend to get away from his dad. After this, things seemed fine. Fast forward to starting college. We both had plans beforehand to go to the same university, we both grew up wanting to go there. The first few weeks were really tough on me. I was extremely homesick and had no friends except him. I started getting very depressed, and took all of it out on my boyfriend. Things got worse second semester. My roommate moved out of my dorm, and I was so depressed that I was calling my boyfriend at 4am asking him to come over. Everyday was a struggle, I would pick fights and be very very clingy. I was the same way he was in the beginning... In January, I was sitting in his dorm room and he got a text. He was right next to me, so I checked it and it was like 10 naked photos from a girl in Wyoming. I freaked out, but again he assured me that he knew nothing about it. I believed him. A few months later, I found out that he was trying to sext his ex. I wanted to break up with him, and he even walked out of my dorm room saying "I hope you find happiness," but I ran out to him to make him stay. That's when things got WORSE. I didn't trust him at all. I was paranoid when he wasn't around, and depressed and clingy. I am NOT this type of person, but I became that with him. By the end of the semester, things seemed to be okay. I stopped being super clingy and needy. I still picked fights sometimes, but mostly because he seemed very emotionally detached. School ended, and he went to work at his dad's company as a roofing salesman. He worked 12 hour days and when he would come home, he would be very tired and wouldn't really talk to me much. I felt useless, that he didn't really care if I was there or not. The summer started rough, but I began to get used to not seeing him or talking to him much, so it started to improve. He was living with his dad again, and I found out that he started smoking pot regularly back in school second semester. I always asked if he was smoking and he always said no, so he lied about that for such a long time. I was very upset, so I wanted an apology. Every time I messed up in the relationship and he threatened to break up with me, I was always beg him to stay and say how sorry I was. I wanted that from him, I wanted to feel like he would do anything to stay with me. About a day after not talking, he texts me and says that we needed to talk. So he said that he doesn't feel fulfilled by our relationship anymore. He wasn't happy and he didn't know why. Quick side note, he hated my parents and my parents hated him. My dad suddenly got sick and my boyfriend was worried that we were the ones that were going to take care of him instead of my other family members. His reason for wanting to break up is that he was nervous about my family and he didn't know what was going to happen. So I said everything would be fine, and told him that if he wasn't in love with me, then I would leave him alone. He said he was still in love with me and loved me very much. So somehow I made him stay. A week after this instance, I brought it back up after a date we had (the date was perfect, and we even made plans to go out of town for his birthday in the next week). When he was dropping me off, I told him that a lot of the things that he said really bothered me, and I don't know if I could be with someone who doesn't feel like they really need me (I said this mostly to get him to apologize for everything, because he never really apologized). He then said he agreed. This blew up in my face, and I begged him to stay and said I was sorry for being mean to him and that my depression was getting better. I begged him for two hours to stay, and all he said was "no" and "you'll be fine." He didn't really have a reason, just that we didn't click and we had nothing in common, and of course, that he wasn't in love with me. (Wtf). He said he had been lying about wanting to marry me and have kids for the past year (even though his sister told me that he stopped to look at rings at Christmastime). I asked why he said all those things then, and he said to make me happy. This didn't make any sense, because I always told him that I wanted to wait until after I graduate to get married... that always bothered him. We had very different views on marriage and kids, and we fought when he would bring it up. So why would he say those things to "made me happy"? I'm so broken. I haven't had any contact with him. But, unfortunately, I do know his Facebook password. I have been (I know this is horrible) checking his Facebook messages and what not. He rarely gets on, but when he does he's giving different girls his phone number. Not even 12 hours after we broke up, he messaged this girl from WYOMING... "Text me, I have something to tell you ." Guess what, this was the same girl back in January that sent him nudes. I know this was long and confusing, but I really just needed to get this off my chest. Now I am so devastated and miss him so much. I can't get him out of my mind no matter what I do. I go back to school in August, and even though he flunked out and won't be there, it's going to be hard to be in the place where most of our memories were. Plus he bought a house very near campus that he and his roommate will be living in. Any advice on how to deal with this? If not, I'm just glad I got this out. I feel like this is all my fault. I feel that if I didn't get paranoid and depressed and clingy, then he wouldn't have tried to talk to other girls and we would still be together. I have been talking to his family, and they say that this is exactly how his dad is with women, and that none of this is my fault. I just feel so guilty and extremely sad. I lost my virginity to him too (we waited for almost a year), and now I just feel like I won't have the same connection that we did with anyone else. I'm so terrified that I won't fall in love again like I was. Thank you to anyone who reads this.
Author butterflyyy65 Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Thank you so much for the feedback. It really means a lot that you read through my post because I know it was long! I have been looking for a good book to read to help me get my mind off of things and learn at the same time. I really appreciate your suggestions and will definitely check them out. It's been three weeks now and I continue my no contact with him. I'm still trying to find the strength within me to stop checking his Facebook, but I am getting better and better at that everyday. I'm glad to hear that you don't think it was my fault for him treating me the way he did. That's what I'm struggling with now (thinking it's all my fault), and it helps to get a second perspective on things. Again, thank you. This being my first post, you don't know how much your reply means to me. Take care
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