FlirtDevil Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I spent 3 hours picking 8 gifts (for our 8 year anniv), decorating them, sprinkling them around at 1 am so she would find them along her getting ready for work chores... I put roses in her car seat. I wanted to see her happy reaction so watched her from the window... She picks the bouquet up from the top plastic flap as if it is a dead animal... Dangling, brings it in the house. I jokingly say I am watching her... She holds it better now. Later she texts me to focus on positives - even though she did not buy me any card/gifts yet. The night before she didn't even wait for me for dinner as I was loading the dishwasher. Both of us come tired from work - yet I am the one feeding the kid. Not toention I have to wake the kiddo up, get her ready, feed her breakfast, send her to daycare too. Am I being too sensitive, expecting too.much from my sig other??
Els Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 No, you're not expecting too much. IMO she's being unappreciative. Is this the only problem currently affecting your R, or has there been more? 1
Pierre Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I spent 3 hours picking 8 gifts (for our 8 year anniv), decorating them, sprinkling them around at 1 am so she would find them along her getting ready for work chores... I put roses in her car seat. I wanted to see her happy reaction so watched her from the window... She picks the bouquet up from the top plastic flap as if it is a dead animal... Dangling, brings it in the house. I jokingly say I am watching her... She holds it better now. Later she texts me to focus on positives - even though she did not buy me any card/gifts yet. The night before she didn't even wait for me for dinner as I was loading the dishwasher. Both of us come tired from work - yet I am the one feeding the kid. Not toention I have to wake the kiddo up, get her ready, feed her breakfast, send her to daycare too. Am I being too sensitive, expecting too.much from my sig other?? These women are always unhappy. She probably thinks she deserved more. Also check for possible infidelity. Put a key logger on the home computer just to be safe. Women that cannot be satisfied at home may look elsewhere. None of your fault, she may be very flawed.
Author FlirtDevil Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 It really is a frequent complain I have - her insensitivity. According to her, I am too needy. Example: my top 3 needs from her revolve around emotional, phycocal, and spiritual codependency. When I ask her what she expects from me as a partner: her answer is: nothing. And this is a cool headed answer. She says she just wants to.live in peace.. That I should not bother her with my needs. That I should be around - just be there - for the kid and her. I have gone to a psychologist twice in past 4 years to make sure I am not insane and am not putting unreasonable demands on her. She won't communicate when I want to talk about things - she says she doesn't like arguments - when I keep saying - communication is good - its discussion - not fighting - we talk of needs And how to meet them. I have clearly mentioned to her many times that I feel unappreciated - that she shouldn't ntakr me for granted - that I want to put romance in our lives - that I want to grow with her - that I want to explore life with her...but she rarely ever plays as a couple. She won't socialize - she dislikes half of my friends wives. I had to explain to her why me expecting a good bye kiss from her in the morning is not unreasonable. Am I insane? Please please objectively thrash me - but help me. The psychologist barely keeps asking me to 'understand' we are different, and just get along. :-(:-(
Eve Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I think the mudane aspects have taken over and your wife is judging the quality of the relationship via whether the practical things are accomplished, or not. The only way out of this is to revert back entirely to your own energy and see where that leads you. Look after the child and home as you would if you were single. If she has any sense she will remember those times and adjust herself to match you. If not, other opportunities will present themselves and you should take them if she is not willing to move as a full partnership. I don't mean to have an affairs btw. I wouldn't stand for it. Take care, Eve x
murphomatic Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I had this same issue (see my thread here). My wife seemed distant and withdrawn, never seemed to want to do anything. I found out later that she was cheating. And potentially had been cheating with multiple men throughout the course of our relationship. When this was all going on, I ignored so many red flags, I didn't listen to my gut, and I resisted being suspicious. Mostly because I loved and trusted her, but also because I didn't really want to find out and suffer the pain. My advice to you: Find out.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 This could be so many things. Have you read the 5 love languages?
todreaminblue Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I spent 3 hours picking 8 gifts (for our 8 year anniv), decorating them, sprinkling them around at 1 am so she would find them along her getting ready for work chores... I put roses in her car seat. I wanted to see her happy reaction so watched her from the window... She picks the bouquet up from the top plastic flap as if it is a dead animal... Dangling, brings it in the house. I jokingly say I am watching her... She holds it better now. .......aww what a sweet and thoughtful man you are.......maybe she was having a bad day......yeah i know pretty lame grasp at a guess...........i hope she appreciates you soon.....and reciprocates your caring nature with some caring of her own...have you talked to her about this..best wishes...hugs...deb
BostonDave Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Ok, you get the kid up for school, feed her, and put her to bed. Does your wife do anything with the kid? Medical appointments? Time reading together? Your wife ate dinner while you loaded the dishwasher - does she ever load the dishwasher? You didn't like the way she was holding the flowers, but did she appreciate the other gifts? What about the rest of your relationship? Do you spend much time together? What about your sex life? I wouldn't rush to assume she's cheating based solely on what you've written.
Els Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 It really is a frequent complain I have - her insensitivity. According to her, I am too needy. Example: my top 3 needs from her revolve around emotional, phycocal, and spiritual codependency. When I ask her what she expects from me as a partner: her answer is: nothing. And this is a cool headed answer. She says she just wants to.live in peace.. That I should not bother her with my needs. That I should be around - just be there - for the kid and her. I have gone to a psychologist twice in past 4 years to make sure I am not insane and am not putting unreasonable demands on her. She won't communicate when I want to talk about things - she says she doesn't like arguments - when I keep saying - communication is good - its discussion - not fighting - we talk of needs And how to meet them. I have clearly mentioned to her many times that I feel unappreciated - that she shouldn't ntakr me for granted - that I want to put romance in our lives - that I want to grow with her - that I want to explore life with her...but she rarely ever plays as a couple. She won't socialize - she dislikes half of my friends wives. I had to explain to her why me expecting a good bye kiss from her in the morning is not unreasonable. Am I insane? Please please objectively thrash me - but help me. The psychologist barely keeps asking me to 'understand' we are different, and just get along. :-(:-( What is her response when you tell her the bolded? As far as I can see, you're doing everything right - trying to communicate, understand, etc - and she isn't. You may need to seriously rethink everything if she continues to rebuff your attempts at discussion of your issues. Nobody should be a partner who is 'just there' and whose spouse doesn't want to have anything to do with him. It ain't right. Good luck, dude!
KatJ Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Hi there! I feel you on this one, i feel disconnected in some way from my husband as well and it feels terrible. You are so sweet to dedicate all that into your anniversary that was the sweetest thing it is sad she did not appreciate it, i am sorry about this. Please be strong and tell her every single thing you are feeling you are not been unreasonable i wish i could get a goodbye kiss from my husband before he leaves to work and he is whatever about it too. I completely understand you on this one. Best of luck!
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