Single Parents: Do You Date Other Single Parents?

[brittneyfoster]

My last two dating experiences have been with people who have children, and I think I have pretty much given up hope with that situation. I don't think it makes me a great person, and I am not ruling out single dad's because I think I am better but my last two experiences really broke me emotionally, so now I refuse to date a man with children.

 

The first boyfriend: Hated his son's mother. Constantly told me how much she hated me. I wanted to spend time with the child and in almost a year, I only met the child once. He cheated the entire relationship. Truth was he was going back and forth between her and me.

 

The second guy: Had two children by one mother. Talked about child's mother from first date until the last date when I decided it was enough. Although he didn't like her, I sensed that he still loved her and that if she would take him back, he would go. In so many words, he said that.

 

After those two experiences, I kinda turned my radar off for single dads simply because of the baggage.

 

Sure, I know I am damaged good as well but I'm a Masters level ambitious and successful worker with ONE kid and no contact with the father. We have no relationship so therefore no drama or residual feelings. He's in another state and chooses to interact when he wants to be bothered. I get child support for my child, and I have a strong family support system now who helps me with my daughter.

 

At this point, I am 90% sure I will never date another single dad; however, the mother would have to be married, in another state, they have a strong agreement with NO drama or residual feelings, and he couldn't have more than one. Even then just after the heart break that I have experienced, it would be hard. I feel like that makes me a bad and judgmental person as well. One no better than the men that disqualify me simply because I have a little girl.

 

If you are a single parent, what would be a reason for you not to date a single mother?

Edited July 9, 2013 by brittneyfoster

[BluEyeL]

My last two dating experiences have been with people who have children, and I think I have pretty much given up hope with that situation. I don't think it makes me a great person, and I am not ruling out single dad's because I think I am better but my last two experiences really broke me emotionally, so now I refuse to date a man with children.

 

The first boyfriend: Hated his son's mother. Constantly told me how much she hated me. I wanted to spend time with the child and in almost a year, I only met the child once. He cheated the entire relationship. Truth was he was going back and forth between her and me.

 

The second guy: Had two children by one mother. Talked about child's mother from first date until the last date when I decided it was enough. Although he didn't like her, I sensed that he still loved her and that if she would take him back, he would go. In so many words, he said that.

 

After those two experiences, I kinda turned my radar off for single dads simply because of the baggage.

 

Sure, I know I am damaged good as well but I'm a Masters level ambitious and successful worker with ONE kid and no contact with the father. We have no relationship so therefore no drama or residual feelings. He's in another state and chooses to interact when he wants to be bothered. I get child support for my child, and I have a strong family support system now who helps me with my daughter.

 

At this point, I am 90% sure I will never date another single dad; however, the mother would have to be married, in another state, they have a strong agreement with NO drama or residual feelings, and he couldn't have more than one. Even then just after the heart break that I have experienced, it would be hard. I feel like that makes me a bad and judgmental person as well. One no better than the men that disqualify me simply because I have a little girl.

 

If you are a single parent, what would be a reason for you not to date a single mother?

 

I don't see anything to do with children here, just with divorced men who weren't over their exes. So yeah, just don't date people who are emotional about their exes, one way or another.

[brittneyfoster]

I don't see anything to do with children here, just with divorced men who weren't over their exes. So yeah, just don't date people who are emotional about their exes, one way or another.

 

That is why it is such an issue. The issue has never been an inability on my part to deal with CHILDREN but that ADULT BAGGAGE that is associated with someone who has children, and it is so annoying and discouraging. However because I have learned that people will tell you anything...it's just easier for me NOT to deal with a guy with children so I don't have to spend years of my life wondering "Why is she calling at 2:00 am?" and the other nuisances that I have endured. It was really stressful.

 

With my first single dad ex, after it was all said and done, she and I had a three hour conversation, and the truth was we never really had issues with one another but were instead pitted against one another by him in order to continue the confusion. If we focused on one another and our disdain there, we had less time to focus on his inconsistencies. It just turned me completely off. : (

[BluEyeL]

I would suggest going on early dates with single parents and observing if/how they talk about their ex and their relationship. With those guys, there were red flags from the beginning, so you could have bailed then. How many dates with the second guy?

[happywithlife]

I am a single mom w/ 2 kids. Their dad is still in town and sees them once a week and every other weekend. I have physical custody. I've dated men who were dads and ones who were not. The person I've been dating has 3 kids from his previous marriage. He's the only person who I've introduced my kids to and I'm the only person he's introduced his kids to post divorce.

 

I love that my current boyfriend is a dad - he's a great one. And he's great with my kids too. Makes him all the more sexy!

 

I think its more of a matter of personality and whether or not that person is a good fit for you than whether or not they have kids.

[brittneyfoster]

I would suggest going on early dates with single parents and observing if/how they talk about their ex and their relationship. With those guys, there were red flags from the beginning, so you could have bailed then. How many dates with the second guy?

 

Two. Talk of her on both.

 

And we talked pretty regularly on the phone and almost every conversation, her name or something with her came up.

 

I lost interest quickly especially being so fresh out of the other relationship...I saw the red flags glimmering so brightly. LOL!

[Phantom888]

As a single dad, I only date single moms. There are things in a relationship that only parents get, such as putting the child first, relationship second. A woman who never had kids would not understand the sacrifices and patience needed to raise a child. Therefore, I only seek single moms.

 

That being said, I don't think you should rule out the single dads based on bad experiences with 2. Both of your exs never got over their exs. There is key indicator on whether or not a man is over his ex. If he talks about her with any emotion (hate or love), then obviously the feelings are still strong and fresh. He is not ready to date. Also, it usually take a couple of years AFTER a divorce for men to really be emotionally ready for a real relationship. So if he just got out a month ago, there is no way he is ready.

 

I have been divorced for 3 years. I met a woman recently right when I felt I was ready to be in a committed relationship again. I feel I needed time to really give her the best of me.

[brittneyfoster]

I am a single mom w/ 2 kids. Their dad is still in town and sees them once a week and every other weekend. I have physical custody. I've dated men who were dads and ones who were not. The person I've been dating has 3 kids from his previous marriage. He's the only person who I've introduced my kids to and I'm the only person he's introduced his kids to post divorce.

 

I love that my current boyfriend is a dad - he's a great one. And he's great with my kids too. Makes him all the more sexy!

 

I think its more of a matter of personality and whether or not that person is a good fit for you than whether or not they have kids.

 

That was one of the major reasons I loved single dads at first. It's beautiful to see a man active in his children's lives and caring. It gives you a good preview of how he would be with your child if you were to have one together. That is the positive of dating a single dad and something I loved. :love:

[brittneyfoster]

I have yet to date or have a relationship with a single dad, but if they came around id definitely give them a chance! I am a single mom (21 with a 2 year old daughter)

 

Men without children haven't snubbed their noses at you in the dating scene?

[BluEyeL]

Men without children haven't snubbed their noses at you in the dating scene?

 

I'm a single mom and I'm 6 weeks and 11 dates into dating a guy never married/no kids.

 

And btw, going on two dates with a guy doesn't make him an "ex". I've been on 2 dates with about 15 guys in 5 months, I don't consider them my "exes". How many dates the first guy, just two as well?

[brittneyfoster]

I'm a single mom and I'm 6 weeks and 11 dates into dating a guy never married/no kids.

 

And btw, going on two dates with a guy doesn't make him an "ex". I've been on 2 dates with about 15 guys in 5 months, I don't consider them my "exes". How many dates the first guy, just two as well?

 

LOL. I used the wrong word there. He wasn't an ex, but something...a failed prospect we shall say.

 

And nooooooo, the first guy and I were together almost a year.

[brittneyfoster]

Not really but on online dating they have, but how i look at it if they trip on my kid factor they arent someone i wanna get to know anyway

 

Very true! : )

[RedRobin]

As a single dad, I only date single moms. There are things in a relationship that only parents get, such as putting the child first, relationship second. A woman who never had kids would not understand the sacrifices and patience needed to raise a child. Therefore, I only seek single moms.

 

 

Might be true for you, but not true in general.

 

I don't have kids, but am supportive of men's choices who do have children. However, I do resent it when he/she insists that my schedule needs to automatically be more accomodating than his for the simple reason that he has kids.

 

Sure, little emergencies pop up... but having kids is not an excuse for poor planning skills.

 

I'm also not a fan of those who treat their kids like pets and coddle them incessently.

 

I find that some single parents use their kids as surrogate partners... not sexually of course (!!)... More like replacements for emotional support and companionship that would be healthier spent around adults.

[charisma.9901]

Single mom, one kiddo (girl-6yo)...

 

It seems like the issue you are running into are (as other posters pointed out), simply not over their exes. Happens all the time and can easily be an issue with childless men, not just single dads.

 

I've dated single dads & single men without children... I don't struggle to date just because I have my daughter. I will say, she is one of the very first topics I mention when I meet anyone... I have no issue with guys who don't like dating women with children (hey, to each their own ), and I like to get that out of the way upfront!

 

Yes I date "differently" than I did before divorce/motherhood-- but I wouldn't say it's a struggle or hindrance at all. I'm careful about who she meets, I keep my parent "life" and my partner "life" separate (until/unless the relationship becomes committed), and I work hard to balance the two so that neither side is short-changed.

[HealingHands]

I'm a single mom with 2 kids, and I do tend to gravitate more towards single dads for the very reasons phantom888 mentioned. It's an additional level of understanding and experience that even my closest childless girlfriends don't get sometimes. I wouldn't rule out someone without kids, though. You never know until you start communicating with them.

 

It is, as others have said, all about whether someone is over their ex, resolved any issues, and ready to move on. I have a great relationship with my ex-husband; friendly, respectful and healthy, which we are both proud of because it is better for our kids that way.

[brittneyfoster]

Dating with children and trying to ensure that quality time with date and children is definitely a challenge.

 

My daughter's dad is vindictive and spiteful, which is why I left my entire life to start over in another state. My contact with him is non-existent and the only way we communicate is through lawyers. I wouldn't say I have drama but who knows what it will be once litigation is over.

[pcplod]

My last two dating experiences have been with people who have children, and I think I have pretty much given up hope with that situation. I don't think it makes me a great person, and I am not ruling out single dad's because I think I am better but my last two experiences really broke me emotionally, so now I refuse to date a man with children.

 

The first boyfriend: Hated his son's mother. Constantly told me how much she hated me. I wanted to spend time with the child and in almost a year, I only met the child once. He cheated the entire relationship. Truth was he was going back and forth between her and me.

 

The second guy: Had two children by one mother. Talked about child's mother from first date until the last date when I decided it was enough. Although he didn't like her, I sensed that he still loved her and that if she would take him back, he would go. In so many words, he said that.

 

After those two experiences, I kinda turned my radar off for single dads simply because of the baggage.

 

Sure, I know I am damaged good as well but I'm a Masters level ambitious and successful worker with ONE kid and no contact with the father. We have no relationship so therefore no drama or residual feelings. He's in another state and chooses to interact when he wants to be bothered. I get child support for my child, and I have a strong family support system now who helps me with my daughter.

 

At this point, I am 90% sure I will never date another single dad; however, the mother would have to be married, in another state, they have a strong agreement with NO drama or residual feelings, and he couldn't have more than one. Even then just after the heart break that I have experienced, it would be hard. I feel like that makes me a bad and judgmental person as well. One no better than the men that disqualify me simply because I have a little girl.

 

If you are a single parent, what would be a reason for you not to date a single mother?

 

 

I have a totally irrational trust for people named "brittney" even if it is just spelt "britney".

 

That would be one of my worst 'mind barfs', if it was actually true.

 

So, I like to tell the odd outrageous, blatant lie, just to see what sort of reaction, if any, it provokes.

 

Does that make me an intrinsically bad person?

 

Your post sounds like an internal dialogue as well. It sort of sounds like "I think this, bit I also think that, so in the end I still don't know". That's okay actually, and pretty typical.

 

There are single dads and there are single dads. You know that too. Just as there are single men and there are single men. Sure we all 'pre-filter'. It's pretty instinctive. And some people, like you, are acutely aware of the fact that they pre-filter and they simultaneously realise that it isn't always helpful, but they do it anyway, or at least they have an internal dialogue about doing it or maybe just potentially doing it.

 

I'm 50-plus, single, never married, have no kids. Like to tell me what is wrong with me and why you should avoid me? I'm sure there are good reasons, real reasons. There always are. And if I were to bring you problems, then they are best avoided. That only makes sense. Apart from which, you would be bringing me problems too, simply because you said you would be, both explicitly and implicitly.

 

So don that tin hat, put on the body armour and then retire to the bunker. It's much safer that way. Not only that but a lot less complicated. Why bother with any potential hassle. Even contemplating it is ridiculous innit?

 

Rather late in life I've come to accept that life isn't about avoiding problems but tackling them head on and dealing with them, successfully more often than not. You've done it once, you may well have to do it again, more than once. If that doesn't exactly fill you full of enthusiasm and joie de vivre, I can understand it.

[SarcasticAbby]

Although its hypocritical I completely agree with you. I've been divorced from my husband now for 3 or 4 years (wow... I can't believe I've already lost count) and we've been apart since 2006. I've only dated one man with an ex wife and child and prefer those without the baggage. Although there truly wasn't much drama during our short lived romance I know the feelings that linger when an ex spouse and children are involved. I went back and forth to my ex a hundred times before we finally called it quits. I don't want to have to deal with those feelings with a mate. Although we're both passed that and have moved on it takes alot of time and I don't know that it ever truly goes away.

[Luckydad]

I know I'm in the minority here but I don't believe that divorced parents with school age kids should be dating at all.

 

After witnessing the grief my kids went through with 2 different common laws and several other BFs my ex hooked up with over the last 4.5 years, I can see how much they respect my decision to put them first and abstain from what I see see as ultimate selfishness.

[brittneyfoster]

I know I'm in the minority here but I don't believe that divorced parents with school age kids should be dating at all.

 

After witnessing the grief my kids went through with 2 different common laws and several other BFs my ex hooked up with over the last 4.5 years, I can see how much they respect my decision to put them first and abstain from what I see see as ultimate selfishness.

 

Your ex sounds very irresponsible without really trying to pass too much judgment on her because we all do less than favorable things. My goodness. Poor babies.

[soccerrprp]

Single Parents: Do You Date Other Single Parents? YES. Most of the ladies I've dated were/are single parents.

[Luckydad]

Your ex sounds very irresponsible without really trying to pass too much judgment on her because we all do less than favorable things. My goodness. Poor babies.

 

My kids are teenagers, not exactly babies, but they are still kids. Kids who are observant, bright, and can see with their own two eyes.

 

Should I ever date again however (once my kids are both 18), I think I would only date women who are mothers since childless women would not be able to fully relate to being a parent, something I take very seriously and place a high value on.

[runningfar]

I know I'm in the minority here but I don't believe that divorced parents with school age kids should be dating at all.

 

After witnessing the grief my kids went through with 2 different common laws and several other BFs my ex hooked up with over the last 4.5 years, I can see how much they respect my decision to put them first and abstain from what I see see as ultimate selfishness.

 

 

Your ex being irresponsible doesn't mean no single parent of young kids should date.

 

SO SO SO glad my mom dated and met my wonderful stepdad!!!

 

And my mom is completely an unselfish, amazing woman.

[Luckydad]

Your ex being irresponsible doesn't mean no single parent of young kids should date.

 

SO SO SO glad my mom dated and met my wonderful stepdad!!!

 

And my mom is completely an unselfish, amazing woman.

 

Like I said, I know I hold a minority view. Plenty of divorced parents with young kids can come up with a plethora of justifications for their actions.

 

I simply choose not to.

[runningfar]

Like I said, I know I hold a minority view. Plenty of divorced parents with young kids can come up with a plethora of justifications for their actions.

 

I simply choose not to.

 

 

And I'm not a parent at all. I'm the grown up child of a woman who did date. And I'm so happy she did!

She was responsible about it, of course.

 

Oh, gosh, I can't imagine the pressure if she put her life completely on hold because of us. I know one woman who's mom did that and she has some words on that, now that she's grown.