Coolit Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Sorry but I do not believe that you can have romantic love for two people at the same time. You for sure can. Or some people can. To think otherwise is actually more ludicreous. But what you have to do whether your single and cant choose between two guys is you have to choose between the two. And some people don't want to choose. Had I actially fallen in love with my AP I still would have chosen my H because he is the better person. That is another reason why I will never start down this road again. I will never put myself in the place of falling in love with two people at once.
anne1707 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 So, these questions are for the WS who wanted/wants to stay with their BS 1) Do you think your affair was different to anyone else's? Why? During the affair, I did not think about whether it was different or not to others. Afterwards, and after seeing many affair stories on LS, I can quite definitely see it was like many, many affairs. It was all about feeding the WS. 2) Did you ever stop loving your BS? No and I always saw myself as growing old with my H too when I pictured my future. The love I have for my husband is a quiet, deep love that reaches through to my very soul. 3) What are you doing to show remorse? Which things are because you want to, which because you feel you should and which because your BS has told you that that is what is needed even though you find it difficult It's 5 years since dday. Things I did: transparency about where I was during the day and what I was doing (very difficult for my H as I work with the exOM) - increased contact during the day helped. IC, MC, making time to talk. Passwords etc were never an issue - my H's job is in IT so he could easily find ways and means. There was nothing I found difficult and if anything, he actually found I was trying too hard to be accountable to him for my actions - he wanted a wife, not a prisoner. 4) What have you refused, either outwardly or just don't do that your BS wants? Nothing. The biggest area of debate was my job because it meant continued contact with the exOM. But my H and I agreed that I would stay in my job unless there was insufficient progress in the reconciliation. Now I think in some ways my H has less of an issue than me about the fact that the exOM and I still work together. 5) Were all the risks you took worth it? Absolutely 100% no. 6) Now your BS knows what are the things you find most difficult? Seeing the pain I caused my H was the most difficult thing. Then seeing the way he handled it all with such tremendous dignity was also painful - I had failed him so badly yet he handled it all so well. I have just realised it is five year ago to the day since dday. The first year was incredibly hard but my H and I are still here together and very happy. 1
Realist3 Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 So, these questions are for the WS who wanted/wants to stay with their BS 1) Do you think your affair was different to anyone else's? Why? 2) Did you ever stop loving your BS? 3) What are you doing to show remorse? Which things are because you want to, which because you feel you should and which because your BS has told you that that is what is needed even though you find it difficult 4) What have you refused, either outwardly or just don't do that your BS wants? 5) Were all the risks you took worth it? 6) Now your BS knows what are the things you find most difficult? 1) Do you think your affair was different to anyone else's? Why? I have never thought about it in terms of being different, just as I have never thought about my marriage as being any different than anyone else's. They are what they are. Whether they are different or the same really doesn't have any meaning to me. 2) Did you ever stop loving your BS? I love my BS, but I can say without reservation that I am not in love with her. 3) 4) Not applicable. 5) Were all the risks you took worth it? Absolutely! These past few years have been the greatest of my life. Would not take one thing back. While we go to great lengths to minimize any risks to her, at this point they don't even seem like risks. 6) Now your BS knows what are the things you find most difficult? Not much of anything. My wife has known since the third month or so, and there really hasn't been much of any difficulty.
Sadwife37 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I am a BW. And my WH does not post on this site or any others. So all I know are the answers that he tells me to these questions. Although most of the replies here are from WW, they are very similar to the responses that my H has been giving me during R. At least the responses from remorseful WS who are R. I appreciate hearing from the WS and value their opinions and insights. Hearing others express feelings, regrets, etc helps me to have a greater faith in what my own H is telling me. His actions baffled me. Doing what he did while still loving me? Truly regretting it? Wishing he could take it back? Really wanting to be with me now? Glad others express similar feelings. Thanks for sharing.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Lilmiss, I feel for you. But I'm glad you got to this point. I heard this too. Wouldn't we all. Except the unrepentant I mean. Can you elaborate on this last point? I guess it's the major changes. The church we used to attend, many people left there as well (most of that was because of the handling of the situation however I recognize if the affair hadn't happened maybe that wouldn't have either), having to rebuild a reputation again, loss of friendship (yes even my husband has at times said he misses XMM and his bs because we were friends) and loss of a few other friends that chose to cut us off completely in favor or xmm and his family, the changes in the "innocence" of my relationship with my husband (now not matter what we always have THIS between us), the fact that there is no longer at blind trust anymore - I think we both know that. Hope that helps
Recommended Posts