What do you think about this study on Looks in relationships?

[Revolver]

What do these couples have in common, other than the fact that they’re all extremely famous? You guessed it: All four couples consist of a gorgeous woman who married — how to say this gently? — a man who was shortchanged in the looks department.

 

Maybe you’re thinking this isn’t so unusual. After all, there have been many instances in which beautiful women were attracted to men of wealth and power, regardless of what they looked like.

 

That’s all true, agreed Benjamin Karney, professor of social psychology and co-director of the Relationship Institute at UCLA. But the key factor in determining whether such "odd" couples are happy in their marriages seems to depend on the "relative attractiveness" between the man and the woman, he explained. His research suggests that in cases where attractive women are married to less attractive men, the chances for happiness are fairly high.

 

"The [less attractive] husbands seemed to be basically more committed, more invested in pleasing their wives when they felt that they were getting a pretty good deal. Because for men, the attractiveness of their wives is part of the deal," said Karney, who is also an adjunct behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation.

 

"For women, that’s not part of the deal. The deal that women get isn’t being with an attractive man. It’s being with a protective man, or a wealthy man, or an ambitious man, or even a sensitive man. So they didn’t care as much about the appearance of their husbands."

 

 

When studying the opposite occurrence — attractive men who had married less attractive women — the researchers found that the husbands were less satisfied in their marriages, and less helpful in the interactions with their wives.

 

"They were basically saying, ‘Huh, looks like I settled a little bit,’ " Karney said. "They were saying, ‘I’m more attractive than you, but I’m still with you.’ But they didn’t seem to be quite as motivated to help out their wives when they were more attractive than their wives."

 

What’s interesting is that the wives’ own attractiveness didn’t seem to matter — they were more affected by their husbands’ satisfaction, Karney noted. When their husbands were happy, the wives were happy, and when their husbands were unhappy, they were unhappy. They didn’t seem as responsive, or sensitive, to how attractive their husbands were.

 

Do looks really matter? Yes and no, depending on your gender / UCLA Today

[Eggplant]

I think the study is right on. The stable, happy relationships are the ones in which the man marries up. I as a woman care less about looks, but I do want to be cherished.

[USMCHokie]

I am apt to agree wholeheartedly with the study.

[GoodOnPaper]

I hope the study is more scientifically thorough than the article makes it sound. How do you scientifically measure attractiveness?? Wouldn't a more reliable indicator be people's perception of their partner's attractiveness?

 

Anyway, I did find this interesting: When their husbands were happy, the wives were happy, and when their husbands were unhappy, they were unhappy. They didn’t seem as responsive, or sensitive, to how attractive their husbands were.

I assume I'm at the low end of the attractiveness spectrum because when I was single I was the one who was more attracted in every dating situation and in every R. The result was that I was always the one rejected or dumped. Being attentive and cherishing had the OPPOSITE effect that the study indicates. With my wife, she was the one who was more attracted and while that is a little better, it's much more of a challenge than I ever anticipated. So that kind of supports the results but I don't think it's because I'm particularly attractive.

[USMCHokie]

I hope the study is more scientifically thorough than the article makes it sound.

 

Social "sciences" are not meant to be 100% exact or meant to comply with exact and stringent scientific testing standards and requirements. They simply recognize trends and patterns in human behavior.

[Pompeii]

Generally true. Men put much greater emphasis on looks than women and women put much more emphasis on social competence and confidence. Still, the happiest couples I've seen are the ones that are evenly matched in attractiveness with the woman slightly edging out the man.

 

Most men aren't really aware of their own attractiveness to women and thus shortchange themselves often.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I'm a model so I guess I'm screwed.

[Pompeii]

I'm a model so I guess I'm screwed.

 

A woman's dream is to have a modelesque guy with "average guy" personality i.e. "humble".

[Southern Cal Dude]

A woman's dream is to have a modelesque guy with "average guy" personality i.e. "humble".

 

 

That's her dream, not mine. If the study shows relationships last longer when looks are equal or the woman is a bit higher, then it doesn't favor good looking guys. Insecurity on the woman's part would pop up eventually.

[youngnlove89]

This is good.

 

I almost created a thread right now about me and my partners level of attraction.

 

Last night I was over at his place and he was telling me about his day at work. He had his shirt off and as he was talking all I could focus on was his chiseled abs, his built arms and his strong jawline. I kept thinking "damn, I'm lucky"

 

Then it got me thinking further...who is more attractive? And that really isn't important because everyone has their own opinion, but more so, who does HE think is more attractive? Himself or I? And for this main reason your OP speaks of..."is he happy with who I am?"

 

He always tells me how sexy I am and how gorgeous I am, even if I'm not wearing makeup. And I know I'm "cute". I know other guys find me attractive, I've heard it many times. But the thing is, I don't feel attractive. I hate my hair, I hate my skin, my body is okay, and I don't feel physically endowed. I know I'm not the most beautiful person out there. So does that conclude his happiness with me? Does he ever wonder if he could find a better more attractive woman? Could he?

 

I, personally, think that he is more attractive than myself. And I am goo goo gah over him. He is sexy. He is manly and he is mine! Rawr. I just hope it goes both ways!

[USMCHokie]

Then it got me thinking further...who is more attractive? And that really isn't important because everyone has their own opinion, but more so, who does HE think is more attractive? Himself or I? And for this main reason your OP speaks of..."is he happy with who I am?"

 

He always tells me how sexy I am and how gorgeous I am, even if I'm not wearing makeup. And I know I'm "cute". I know other guys find me attractive, I've heard it many times. But the thing is, I don't feel attractive. I hate my hair, I hate my skin, my body is okay, and I don't feel physically endowed. I know I'm not the most beautiful person out there. So does that conclude his happiness with me? Does he ever wonder if he could find a better more attractive woman? Could he?

 

I, personally, think that he is more attractive than myself. And I am goo goo gah over him. He is sexy. He is manly and he is mine! Rawr. I just hope it goes both ways!

 

I believe women are more apt than men to color their sense of physical attraction to a man with their mental and emotional attraction. In other words, a guy becomes "hotter" the more mentally and emotionally attracted you are to them.

 

This is why you sometimes see women growing more attracted to men over time whom they initially weren't attracted to. On the other hand, if a woman is not initially seen as physically attractive to a man, there isn't much she's going to be able to do to change that except become more physically attractive...

Edited July 9, 2013 by USMCHokie

[youngnlove89]

I believe women are more apt than men to color their sense of physical attraction to a man with their mental and emotional attraction. In other words, a guy becomes "hotter" the more mentally and emotionally attracted you are to them.

 

This is why you sometimes see women growing more attracted to men over time whom they initially weren't attracted to. On the other hand, if a woman is not initially seen as physically attractive to a man, there isn't much she's going to be able to do to change that except become more physically attractive...

 

That is very true. I know in the past I've dated guys who, as I fell in love with, became more attractive. Now that they are exbfs, I look at them and I think "what the heck did I see in them?!"

[USMCHokie]

That is very true. I know in the past I've dated guys who, as I fell in love with, became more attractive. Now that they are exbfs, I look at them and I think "what the heck did I see in them?!"

 

Truth.

 

 

------

[Emilia]

I believe women are more apt than men to color their sense of physical attraction to a man with their mental and emotional attraction. In other words, a guy becomes "hotter" the more mentally and emotionally attracted you are to them.

 

This is why you sometimes see women growing more attracted to men over time whom they initially weren't attracted to. On the other hand, if a woman is not initially seen as physically attractive to a man, there isn't much she's going to be able to do to change that except become more physically attractive...

Interesting because while I agree with this....

That is very true. I know in the past I've dated guys who, as I fell in love with, became more attractive. Now that they are exbfs, I look at them and I think "what the heck did I see in them?!"

... this has never happened to me in terms of looks

 

It did for personality or character but not looks. Oh well, who cares really

[jlola]

Generally true. Men put much greater emphasis on looks than women and women put much more emphasis on social competence and confidence. Still, the happiest couples I've seen are the ones that are evenly matched in attractiveness with the woman slightly edging out the man.

 

Most men aren't really aware of their own attractiveness to women and thus shortchange themselves often.

 

I think women do put less emphasis on looks. But agree those of equal attraction or males being just a bit less attractive works well. Study seems a bit bias. It does not discuss whether the women are sexually attracted the the en. This is the problem. I know many women who would marry a man they had no or little sexual attraction to. Because they care more about emotional and financial security. But I also see many of these women who very much appreciate "handsome" men. They are just more logical.

 

Logically, if women did not prefer better looking men sexually, there would be no reason to worry he would cheat. But women subconsciously know, a better looking man will have more women seeking him out. Therefore more competition for the better looking men. Therefore many feel insecure with a better looking man.

 

I prefer someone who matches me in looks and personality. Not because I am shallow, but because I care about health and want someone who makes an effort on appearance. I also know the type I am sexually attracted to.

[USMCHokie]

I prefer someone who matches me in looks and personality. Not because I am shallow, but because I care about health and want someone who makes an effort on appearance. I also know the type I am sexually attracted to.

 

And this is what social shaming has forced people to do to avoid social backlash. They have to spit out more politically correct justifications to explain why they would rather date someone who was physically attractive. People are cultured to immediately jump into defensive mode, else they feel they'll be judged as "shallow"...

[hppr]

What do these couples have in common, other than the fact that they’re all extremely famous? You guessed it: All four couples consist of a gorgeous woman who married — how to say this gently? — a man who was shortchanged in the looks department.

 

Maybe you’re thinking this isn’t so unusual. After all, there have been many instances in which beautiful women were attracted to men of wealth and power, regardless of what they looked like.

 

That’s all true, agreed Benjamin Karney, professor of social psychology and co-director of the Relationship Institute at UCLA. But the key factor in determining whether such "odd" couples are happy in their marriages seems to depend on the "relative attractiveness" between the man and the woman, he explained. His research suggests that in cases where attractive women are married to less attractive men, the chances for happiness are fairly high.

 

"The [less attractive] husbands seemed to be basically more committed, more invested in pleasing their wives when they felt that they were getting a pretty good deal. Because for men, the attractiveness of their wives is part of the deal," said Karney, who is also an adjunct behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation.

 

"For women, that’s not part of the deal. The deal that women get isn’t being with an attractive man. It’s being with a protective man, or a wealthy man, or an ambitious man, or even a sensitive man. So they didn’t care as much about the appearance of their husbands."

 

 

When studying the opposite occurrence — attractive men who had married less attractive women — the researchers found that the husbands were less satisfied in their marriages, and less helpful in the interactions with their wives.

 

"They were basically saying, ‘Huh, looks like I settled a little bit,’ " Karney said. "They were saying, ‘I’m more attractive than you, but I’m still with you.’ But they didn’t seem to be quite as motivated to help out their wives when they were more attractive than their wives."

 

What’s interesting is that the wives’ own attractiveness didn’t seem to matter — they were more affected by their husbands’ satisfaction, Karney noted. When their husbands were happy, the wives were happy, and when their husbands were unhappy, they were unhappy. They didn’t seem as responsive, or sensitive, to how attractive their husbands were.

 

Do looks really matter? Yes and no, depending on your gender / UCLA Today

 

I would say it's obviously true.

 

It's not that looks don't matter though, just that looks are only 1 part of the equation. Women put a lot more value on things like ambition than men do.

[hppr]

"what the heck did I see in them?!"

 

You were horny. It happens.

[tbf]

So that people are aware, the demographics of this study are as follows.

 

These were all first marriages with on average, less than $20K combined income. They'd only been married less than three months, had no children and wives were under 35 years old. All participants were limited to one geographical location.

 

Husbands:

• Average age of 25.1.
  
• Average education level of 16.3 years.
  
• 54% full-time students and 40% employed full time.
  
• 70% Christian.
  
• 83% white.
  

 

Wives:

• Average age of 23.7.
  
• Average education level of 16.3 years.
  
• 50% full-time students and 39% employed full time.
  
• 70% Christian.
  
• 89% white.
  

 

I'd seriously take this study with a grain of salt since demographics and sample size were extremely limited.

[carhill]

What do you think about this study on Looks in relationships?

 

That both 'looks' and 'relationships' are so subjective and dynamic that it's essentially fruitless to form generalities about either, outside of the purely subjective, like an opinion on this forum.