lukekarts Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Ok, I posted last weekend in panic after my girlfriend broke down and kicked me out (after ending it via text message). It was particularly difficult, but the hardest bit was not knowing why. Anyhow, last night we met and chatted for 3 hours. The conversation basically boiled down to the fact that she didn't love me anymore; she still finds me attractive but sees me as her best friend. I discussed all the details with her about what she felt wasn't right about the relationship, then expressed regret she didn't give me a chance to work on these things with her. After 10 years its a bit weird to be friendzoned, and obviously I can't help it; but does anyone have any advice on how to move past this or perhaps get to the point where reconciliation would be possible. Right now she insists because its not right it will never be right. She was my world and I'm truly gutted.
Nyclovin Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Similar story here. 5 years living together throws me out , out of nowhere. Subsequent conversation , she loves me just not like that, people grow apart, I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them, blah blah blah... Cried , begged, texted called for 2 weeks= nothing, after all those years when they want out, they really have though about it and they want out. I'll give you the advice I got from people, therapists and this website.... Do not contact her ! Do not be her friend! Go through your pain without her, it will only make you look weak and the fact that you are hurting wont change her mind. She is dead to you. The memories and years are just that= your past, nothing more. Your life has and will continue to shift and change dramatically and everything from the small reminders to the big holidays will be different and sad and at times lonely. Look around you for people and things to be grateful for. Seek out ways to better yourself . Read books watch movies take walks anything to ease your mind even if it is for only a few minutes. Accept she is not coming back ( if she does it will be because you didn't chase her and she sees you as strong and she misses you) , accept that she no longer loves you, accept she will end up with someone else( and so will you), accept that the powers that brought you together have determined now that you must be apart. Accept your pain, feel it, let it remind you that you are alive, that you hurt, that you cry because you love her. But that is it! As much as possible, hold your head high , be proud of who you are without her, and do important things that contribute to your own well been and the hopefully society as a whole. I've been NC for over a month. Waking up alone for me is the hardest part. I have not been able to fully accomplish my goals in terms of acceptance yet, but each day I hope to love her a little less until she is nothing but a stranger to me , exactly the way she looked in m eyes and told me I should leave and need to move on. 3
for666 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 are those reason just something you know you did wrong??? explain like what reasons or??? it sounds like she invent reason's??
for666 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 nyclovin btw man from from what you wrote here you know you did wrong so how you dealing now is k you have no choice you f it all up but you didnt even ask him what went wrong some time's it can be something defrent
Author lukekarts Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 are those reason just something you know you did wrong??? explain like what reasons or??? it sounds like she invent reason's?? I don't know really, it's hard to explain. She just said since last October it stopped feeling right and she's been trying to come to terms with those thoughts but they've kept coming back and making her feel guilty / upset, to the point she 'couldn't go on anymore'. When we talked about problems, really the only problems with me she identified were that she felt she couldn't be herself (listen to her music or be silly) which really hurt. I've never felt like I've blocked her from being herself. I then told her that it was a complete failure by both of us to have not communicated better. The only time she brought anything up before I misunderstood her to be having doubts about moving in together. Anyway, she's basically at the point where she is 100% adamant there's no reconciliation. I left her with the thought that if we're 'best friends' then we'd have the foundation for the best relationship ever but that's pretty much it. She doesn't care anymore. It's really weird because for 9.5 years things were amazing - spending most of our time together, wonderful holidays, trips, meals, nights out.
Author lukekarts Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 I think breakups with her sister and basically all of her best friends also reinforced doubt in her mind. Her little niggles with me were that she felt I didn't understand her (in the sense that she sometimes felt I wasn't listening). I always felt I was a good listener but it turns out she wanted more understanding. She said earlier in the relationship she wanted stability and now she wants something different but doesn't know what. Other niggles were that I would not always 'appear' interested in her - like playing on my Xbox, though I always felt I only did that when she was doing her planning for school. I just wish, if the little niggles combined to a bigger feeling of falling out of love, she could have communicated better. I feel really disappointed in her because she's allowed me to move cities for her (5 weeks ago) and with her religious beliefs I always felt she would be somebody who would work hard at a relationship, not 'work hard by herself'. She's also disappearing to Australia for 6 weeks over the summer with her best friend.
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