g_man Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 Hi all, My story is as follows.I'm going out with a girl for the last six months.I must admit...at the beginning of the relationship I wasn't that serious about her as I didn't think it would last.The main reason...is because she's not fluent in English so there's a slight communication barrier.However after 6 months together now....her english is really really improving. At the start...yes she was much more into me...than I was her.Now that's not to say I've been with anybody else...because I haven't been...I've never cheated on her or on any girl and never would.End it first...and then move on...if you want to be with somebody else....that's the way I am. She had told me on a couple of occassions before that she loved me....but I never returned the favor.Up until about 3/4 weeks ago...when I realised I actually do love her.We've now even talked about marriage....kids in a few years time.Yeah now I'm 100% sure she's the girl for me......and I've told her lots of times in the last few weeks i love her. In the last few weeks...however is when the problems seemed to arise. First she's got really upset...and been abrupt with me on 3/4 occassions....for no real reason...each time she was totally wrong.Although she did apologise afterwards.Ok I let it go....didn't say much....but it bothered me.Also because she's been really busy in work lately...she's had to work some Saturdays recently....so last friday night...was the first time I went out on a night out ....without her with... my own friends.Seems she wasn't too pleased....about me going out alone.Gave me a big speech about jealousy....not trusting me 100% etc etc.Although she did accept....me going out without her...that it would be unfair to ask me to stay in.....which i wouldn't do anyway.I've told her a million times I'd never cheat on her which I never.would....and to please trust me.I mean sometimes....she's even come out with me....even though she's got work the next day at 8am...just so she's there.....and sometimes she's even missed work the next day which i feel guilty about. Anyway I called her before I went out...to reassure her...I miss her...love her etc etc....don't worry.I called her during the night also.I then went home.....and slightly drunk called her apartment at 3.30am.The thing is her parents were there for the weekend and picked up the phone.They were not happy for calling at that time...and for me being a little drunk.You gotta understand her family are a really really strict traditional family....and she's their little girl. Anyway it seems they were really angry and unhappy for me calling and she got into big trouble.All I said was tell her I'm home..I miss her ...love her etc...thank you...goodbye. I've tried to call her the next day...but she's ignored my calls.....which is really childish. I haven't called her since....but we've text each other...and it seems as if she's calmed down and all is forgiven. My point is this....just because you tell somebody you love them...and declare your true feelings....does that make them more secure.......and think they can get away with more? You know...next time I see her...I'm gonna tell her.... (a)In future don't ignore my calls.....if we don't talk we can't sort out the problem. I won't tell her this but....next time there will only be one phone call if we have an argument....if she doesn't return it....then it's bye bye.If you care enough you'll put aside your stubborness. (b) Should I should take a step back.....not tell her I love her.....for a while.......treat her harder....ie. treat them mean to keep them keen.Maybe I've been too soft recently.It's 50-50...in the amount of times we call each other...maybe I should call less. Maybe if I stop caring....or at least showing it.....then that'll stop her complacency right there. Maybe it in her case...the harder you treat her....and the less interest you show in her....the more interested she becomes. Although really........i don't think I can be bothered to play silly little games...I'm just........me. This has opened my eyes...and put doubts in my mind. What do you think?
Jilly10340 Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 Well, I think being a d*ck to her is a really bad idea. What kind of strategy is that? Then she would probably just dump you. Plus, you don't do that to a girl you say you love. I would talk to her about her not answering her phone, but don't stop calling her, being nice to her, etc. Maybe only say that you love her if she says it first? Just act normal. The weirder you act toward her the weirder she's going to act toward you.
surfergirl Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 As my friends here know I can get on a "soap box" about these situations. . #1 If she loves you 100% and you guys are talking marriage then she needs to trust you 100% - that means if "the boys" want to go to a strip club for example she should be ok to "let" you go. #2 She's not your mother and to start a relationship with a "leash" is a dangerous thing- what's next she's going to chain you to the house? Don't allow her to tell you where you can go, who you can go with and when to come home? That's not a relationship that's a dictatorship. #3 You are an adult and she should realize that you are going to treat her with respect and do the respectable thing with going out and coming home. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you can't hang with the boys from time to time. I could go on and on and on and on - but I'm not. These are just some things to think about. Good luck with your choices SG
Author g_man Posted October 22, 2004 Author Posted October 22, 2004 Ok ....update. We've now agreed to see each other.....just as friends. Too many problems....the future .....who knows....maybe we will sort everything out.......maybe not. If we get back together....it's on my terms. It's hard to just turn off your feelings for somebody....but she's making me harder....stronger.
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