mrniceguy6 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) hey guys... im new to the forum... the worst part is over but i still need help... so here's my story. me and my ex have been together for 3 years and 7 months. she is 21 now and i am 23...we were happy together... never had fights... never had major problems until this... she broke up with me last month. dont really feel like reiterating the whole story, but her reasons are in thisÂ*linkÂ*... except for 4, 11, and 14... aside from these reasons, what caused this was actually because we lost communication... i was dealing with family, friends, and personal issues at the time, while she kept her problems and pain to herself... i was warding off other problems and became insensitive to her feelings... part of our immaturity i guess.. when she openend i resolved all those problems so theyre gone now. we spoke about six times... the first 3 times i begged, i was frustrated and desparate... the last 3 talks i was composed and we talked naturally as if we weren't breaking up... the first 5 talks happened in a week... i stopped contacting her for 3 weeks until she contacted me wanting to talk... we didnt really talk.. more like i gave a speech saying sorry, telling her things i realized, and promising changes... she acknowledged these but said it was too late, she felt numb, and just kept saying sorry.. this is the 2nd week since that happened... and a month since the breakup.. since then ive blocked and unfriended and unfollowed her everywhre... she confessed to me that there was another guy texting her while we were still together. they are officemates but they dont hang out, just through chat or text.. she said he makes her happy sometimes but she wasnt entertaining him because we were still together and knew it was wrong... she got together with her friends recently and they told me that she told them that she cares for me and is worried about me... they said she said she and the guy are just friends... and that she is trying to shove off the guy because she knows it isnt fair to me... and she is unsure if he would just be a rebound... the guy is shorter than me and older he is 26... my ex is 5'10'', i am 5'9'' and a half... i know it sounds ridiculous but im trying to find any sort of advantage to make me feel better lol... there arent many tall people in my country... most guys prefer shorter girls becuase it makes them feel insecure...anyway if anything happens between them im sure it wont last long..right now im just waiting for august.. 2 months should be enough NC...we work for the same company and i will moving to the same buildig as her and the other guy (they are together in a project), ill be on a different floor.. as far as i know... she will be moving to a different project by september (away from the guy so i guess it works to my advantage).. i will just text her right before the move.. ask her how shes been... tell her ill be moving the next day... and that ill see her around... thats it... im planning on gradually talking to her often afterwards and then courting her until i get a chance to get back together... we dont have major issues, no fights, no personality conflicts...we have chemistry and years of being together... her family and friends really like me a lot and actually urged her to give me a second chance though she ignored them... so yea i guess reconcilling might be a possiblity... thanks for me hearing me out.... id appreciate your thoughts on this Edited July 9, 2013 by mrniceguy6
StrongLass Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I think that you should work on yourself instead of plotting a reconciliation that isn't currently possible & may very well never be. Her friends & family like you. So what? The only thing that should be registering with you right now is that SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU. NOTHING ELSE about the situation really matters. If you two actually have a snowball's chance in Haiti of getting back together it won't be because of the half-baked fantasy you're cooking up in your head here. 2
Author mrniceguy6 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) well its been a month and im still confused... from reading around, i think she went through GIGS. most of her reasons for breaking up point to it. she said we lost deep communication, things felt routinary, she feels like shes being choked and want to experience things but she cant with me around, she felt numb and burned out... she was really really confused at the time.. also, she has strict parents and hsr family relies on her a lot so she cant really go out much... i put up with that lol which may also be a hindrance to the other guy.... i guess because of that also, she have been deprived of experiences... she grew up always asking for her parents permission until now... then we started working... she has new set of friends... new environment... and a new freedom... which opened her eyes i guess, thus she felt like she could explore a lot more things outaide of us.... and that is why im just as confused. thinking if i should let her be with the guy she doesnt even know much about but happened to be there for her in my absence (rebound) which i feel wont flourish and they may not even end up together... or if i should fight to win her back... i am focusing about 60% of me on myself... actually startin a photography business with my friends... went back to working out as well... but i cant stand just not doing anything and let her slip away farther.... i cant believe how people can just forget someone theyve been with for a long time just like that... we even used to talk about marriage and raising kids... reconcilling may take a while... i know... ill contact her by august then take things slow and casual... i wont mention getting back together... starting back from zero.. Edited July 9, 2013 by mrniceguy6
mplates Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Get busy, get focused on your purpose and get your mind off this chick. If she wants you she'll come to you. The best form of action with her is 'no action'. If she contacts you, make a date, hang out, make her feel special and let the good times roll but until then it's all about you buddy
Author mrniceguy6 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 i have been reading through threads in LS and its really helped alot. your responses are appreciated as well... to be honest...im quite exhausted... mentally and emotionally... i have been overanalyzing everything since day one... trying to justify if my actions so far were correct.. i did beg and plead out of desperation, but thwt is just natural reaction right? i do think i redeemed myself in the following talks we had by being composed... anyway... i finally realized my self worth.. she threw me away like trash and it hurt... if we were to get back together, it should be her doing the begging and pleading this time... the other guy doesnt seem serious about her and would probably just end up leaving nd hurting her.. i think i may not reach out to her bt august anymore.. gonna stick to NC.
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