lifeislove88 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 So my boyfriend and I were in a LDR for the first 2 years while he was in the military. Well, when he got out he went home to visit, and decided he couldn't leave again. I should mention that his home is 900 miles away from mine. So, he decided to start school and leave it to me to make a decision. ...3 months later and I decided to move to be with him since I had just gotten my degree. Left my parents, friends, my life behind. Fast forward a YEAR now, we are living with his parents still because we can't afford to move out. He never even mentions it and changes the subject when I ask because we have a dog and not nearly enough money. (Plus mommy and daddy pay for everything). I am going INSANE. Every time I visit home, the more I want to move back. Like, it crosses my mind every day. The rough thing is, my boyfriend works when he can, but has classes and schoolwork all the time, and the opposite schedule as me. So, I spend my nights with his parents (or alone in our bedroom) and go to bed when he gets home. I see myself married to this man one day, but not anytime soon since he's SO busy and broke. And I can't waste 2 more years of my life living with his parents. I regret leaving my family and friends behind so much. He has told me he knows I'm happier there. My question is, should I try to move back home where I can maybe go back to school or find a better job (I've applied 300 places here and only got 1 meager offer), even though I'll still miss him? Would it be possible for us to stay together in an LDR until we are more set in our careers?
shexy Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 OMG, that would suck so bad! If I were you I'd totally 100% move out! No way would I live with some dude's parents!!!!!! do you have a job? Why can't you get an apartment on your own? Seriously? they let you have dogs in an apartment - I have 2 dogs in an apartment.
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I have a job but I have a car payment and loans and not enough left over. At least not enough to live on my own in New England. No apartments around here allow pets, especially 100 pound dogs . Living here is not worth the little time I get to spend with my boyfriend. It sucks
shexy Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Girl, I got a car payment and student loans too....I'd work 3 jobs to get out of his parents house! There's gotta be some place that will let you have dogs....call around a few places and see. Then you and that adorable dog get your own place and get away from the parents!
FitChick Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Rent a room in a house where you would have kitchen privileges. There are lots of them around college campuses. Or rent a place with several other women so it would be cheaper. At least you'd have more privacy. 2
Mrlonelyone Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Is it just the embarrassment or lack of privacy of living with his parents? Is it that his parents are difficult to get along with?
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 It's the lack of privacy and the fact that he's so busy I never see him. When I go home to visit, no part of me wants to come back here. My boyfriend even says maybe I should move back for now if I'm so unhappy. I love HIM, but he has school and work and hangs out with all of his friends and family in his free time, that we still don't really get alone time.
clia Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I'm honestly trying to think if I've ever been in love with anyone enough to put myself in the position you are in when you obviously have other options. Nope. It sounds terrible. Ugh. My boyfriend even says maybe I should move back for now if I'm so unhappy. I think you should listen to him and move back home. I love HIM, but he has school and work and hangs out with all of his friends and family in his free time, that we still don't really get alone time. So you are there for him, but aren't getting much alone time with him because he's too busy doing other things? Yeah, you should move back home. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 It's the lack of privacy and the fact that he's so busy I never see him. When I go home to visit, no part of me wants to come back here. My boyfriend even says maybe I should move back for now if I'm so unhappy. I love HIM, but he has school and work and hangs out with all of his friends and family in his free time, that we still don't really get alone time. Why can't / don't You spend time with his friends and family? If you were to get married to him his family would become your family. If you really can't stand them then perhaps you should just end it? Closeness to family as a young adult isn't a character flaw. In many cultures and families that is the norm until marriage. Even in mainstream us culture getting along with potential in_ laws is a sign of long term potential.
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I do spend time with his family and friends but I'd like to spend one on one time together too. Which we rarely get to do. I feel like I'm imposing. I know it was their decision to let me move in. If we lived on our own and visited his family, that's an entirely different story. I have to spend more time with them than he does though, since he's always at work or school.
Treasa Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Sell your car (I hate having a car payment, but I make more than enough to have one), move back home, and live your life for you. If he's motivated to be with you, he'll find a way. Right now you're miserable, and he's content and doesn't have to do jack ****.
Els Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I guess the first question that popped into my head when I read this was: "Didn't you two talk about this before you moved?" I mean, he was already living with his parents, and you knew he was a student and had x number of years before graduating. What did you think would happen in the future? Now, I suppose there is no point in talking about bygones - you are here, he is in school, you live with the parents. If you are this unhappy one year into the move and there seems no chance of things changing within the next year, then yes, do move back. There's no harm in doing a LDR until he graduates, after which both of you can decide where to move to.
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 We talked about it. But he's like " I'm not everyone else, I don't have a 5 year plan." He pretty much plans day by day. But he was looking for an apartment when he was going to move to my state. So it was more under the hopes we would move out. But the cost of living is so high here.
CarrieT Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 We talked about it. But he's like " I'm not everyone else, I don't have a 5 year plan." Red Flag! Red Flag! Red Flag! Red Flag! Red Flag! Dahling, you need to look after yourself and realize you are with someone that has no interest in preparing for a future as a couple or part of a sustaining relationship. He is comfortable living with his parents and has no motivation to do anything different. Move home - you will be much better off... 1
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Well, he's said he wants to get married and get a house. But nooo idea when. I'm thinking you're right. I can't wait for an infinite amount of time in a place I'm not happy.
Mrlonelyone Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Well, he's said he wants to get married and get a house. But nooo idea when. I'm thinking you're right. I can't wait for an infinite amount of time in a place I'm not happy. What concerns me more is that you apparently aren't compatible with his family. For marriage it is way better when both partners can get along with and love both sets of parents and family. If you loved his family, and vice versa, this would be less of a problem. Living with them only made it happen faster.
CarrieT Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Well, he's said he wants to get married and get a house. But nooo idea when. I'm thinking you're right. I can't wait for an infinite amount of time in a place I'm not happy. Also, if he has not idea "when" and has no five-year plan, he probably has not plan on HOW to accomplish a home or wedding. This does not bode well either. Let's look at the list: You aren't happy.You don't get along with his family.He has no plans to change your collective situation.You don't spend quality time together.You miss home. As others have said, if he were motivated, he would be moving heaven and earth to figure out a way to keep you two together. I think the writing is on the wall and now it is just a matter of doing what you know needs to be done... Telling him and getting the heck outta there.
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