Hoaks Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Is it better to know the truth during/after a breakup? I dont know if my ex was cheating on me while becoming very distant or if she wasnt. In my head I think she ran because I was asking for a commitment. So this is spinning around in my head, would I get over her more if I knew there was another guy? Make me hate her more? Or is it better not knowing anything? Which one is better for faster healing? I could possibly find out the truth, but not sure if it will do more harm than good. Day 5 of nc
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Some people need to know the truth. A lot of folks beat themselves up always wonder what THEY did wrong in the relationship that made their boyfriend or girlfriend leave. And a lot of our Ex's want it that way because they don't want you to know that they were the bad guys in all of this. They would rather you think that the relationship died of natural causes. 2
Tenderheartbear Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I'm the type of person that needs the facts. If I just ignore what could have possibly happened then that person is getting off scott free and I might be open to accepting some contact or invitation in the future once the smoke has cleared. But if I knew the person committed something completely unforgivable, they are gone and for good. It would further solidify that the break up was for the best and a loser like that would not deserve the pleasure of breathing the same air as me. For some ignorance is bliss...for me...knowledge is power.
SimonSerenade Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Your better off not knowing, like you I have my doubts, I could of swore I saw her with a new man cuddled up on a bench after we broke up, broke me in two, she no contacted my ass as soon as she left so I never got any answers, i also had a rash on my business that wouldn't go away which concerned me but it turned out to be a stubborn water rash, eventually you get to a point where it doesn't matter anymore and you just move on regardless so I wouldn't waste your time fixating on these things, none of it matters in the end and if you ever did find out the truth your better off finding out when your good and over it all. My ex treated me badly and pushed me away, frequently changed her mind and her feelings towards me, it's hard making sense out of something like that, your better off just being happy she can't treat you like that anymore rather than question why she did it in the first place. 2
flitzanu Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 unless you find the proof yourself, it's VERY UNLIKELY that your ex is ever going to admit to anything. and i mean hard proof, not conjecture or assumption. i was lucky with a couple of my breakups that the girls had stayed logged in to fb/myspace on my computer one day and i was able to see their messages (to satisfy my suspicion based on plenty of evidence) and there it was, messages about sleeping with another guy.
Echo000 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I have learned through my own experience that you should NEVER ask questions that you dont want to know the answers to. If the potential answer can do you no good, then asking the question is a bad idea. You guys broke up, asking if she cheated now makes you look desperate and gives her the power. You need to accept that whatever happened in the past has already happened. You knowing about it really can do you no good. Just cause hurt. 1
Author Hoaks Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I have learned through my own experience that you should NEVER ask questions that you dont want to know the answers to. If the potential answer can do you no good, then asking the question is a bad idea. You guys broke up, asking if she cheated now makes you look desperate and gives her the power. You need to accept that whatever happened in the past has already happened. You knowing about it really can do you no good. Just cause hurt. Yes, after thinking about it alot today (wish I wasnt) I think you are right. I just have so many stages of thought and hurt I go through in one day. Its a fast rollercoaster at the moment. Even questioning whether she loved or cared at all about me. Which at the moment is making me think I may not find anyone else. But I just have to give it time I guess.
Legatus Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I needed to know the truth. I was kept in the dark for 1.5 weeks after the break up. Then tried to understand for a month, but given barely any answers. It was killing me from the inside. I had to know exactly what and why it happened. Otherwise my mind was creating images that only suited my imagination. Of course I didn't believe 100% in what she said, because my trust was demolished but at least I had some facts. Once you know the truth you can deal with it. Otherwise you're dealing with your imagination and "possibilities" which can be endless, therefore extending the time needed for dealing with it exponentially..
Ordinaryday Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 if the relationship is completely and utterly beyond repair, then to be blunt I don't see what good will come from 'knowing the truth' 1
LostOne1 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Heck it's been 1 year and I still don't know the full truth. To be honest.. I'm at a point where I don't care. I care more about my own self, than to sit and worry about why my ex left. Fact is she left.. could be a zillion reasons why... but I just don't care. I'm in a better place in life now and I'm going to remain happy no matter what!
TaraMaiden Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Hoaks, please - Let - Go. In your specific case all you're doing right now is grinding glass down and rubbing it in your eyes. Any further discovery simply adds to your pain and holds you back. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters any longer. And the woman you broke up with is seriously phukked in the head - you KNOW that. Quit letting her psycho attitude mess with your mind. You can't fix anything about this, and knowing more, if indeed there is more to know, will only stick you further in the quicksand. Stop it, now.
Author Hoaks Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Tara you are right I do know it . I just miss what I wanted it to be, what she promised. I know im a sucker. I guess I will just try to help others on here with what I have learned. Really tough class this was though .
SimonSerenade Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Your not a sucker man, like so many people on the planet, it could take years to find the one that's right for you, I've been hurt before and I'll probably be hurt again but I wouldn't trade my times with these people for anything in the world.
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