ls32ssibm Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Long post short, do you guys ever go out to places by yourself just to look for girls to talk to? For example, have you ever gone to Barnes and Noble to look for pretty girls instead of books? I'm at a point where my daily dealing and hobbies leave me NO chance to meet girls my age (21-25). I don't go to bars and no longer go to school on a physical campus. I've given up on OLD. Just wondering what you guys think.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 There can definitely be a bad stigma about that sort of thing but if it's the best practical option, who cares, do it. When I was in college, living away from most of my friends, I used to have a long break between classes. I ate my lunch on the lawn of another neighboring university most days simply because it was swarming with cute girls. I'm not ashamed in the slightest.
MrCastle Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I've considered joining dance classes or something since I don't go back to school until Fall. And like you I don't go to bars or do OLD at all. Bookstores have always been on my list of places to meet chicks but it seems every time I plan to actively look for women, they're never around. I typically meet chicks when I'm not looking to meet them.
veggirl Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I don't see anything wrong with that. People do all sorts of things to find a partner--they online date or they go to single events, etc. Nothing wrong with hitting up the coffee shop and looking for girls.
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I dunno, I seem to be able to pick up on the "I'm just here to pick up chicks"-vibe when guys are in a particular place with your particular motive. Maybe if you're really sly... 1
CarrieT Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Long post short, do you guys ever go out to places by yourself just to look for girls to talk to? There was a point in my life where I was self-employed and not dating and I went to places (restaurants) by myself to talk to WAITERS to have a conversation with another human being. Nothing pathetic at all about what you are doing. 1
fishtaco Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Absolutely not pathetic. It works. Any opportunity to meet new people is great. Dating is a number game. Quantity matters, period. However, I group these types of outings into two general groups: 1) Dating specific places Like for example, going to a singles event. Everyone there know why you are there, because they are there for the exact same reason. So do your thing. If a woman still go... OMG he's totally here to hit up on chick, and are surprised/turned off by that, she is someone you should stay away from, because she is drama. 2) Fun social places General fun social places are things people do for fun, like poker groups, hiking meetups, dance classes, whatever. People do meet and they do hook up, but the #1 priority is actually the event/activity itself. Here's the thing... you CAN hit up on women, but you have to have genuine fun and actually really do enjoy the activity. If you're there just to hit on up chicks, then you'll stick out like a sore thumb, and don't be surprised if some women will go OMG, he's totally here to hit up on chicks. Bottom line, if a chick thinks you're cute, you'll score anyway, even if 15 other women think you're lame. But they most likely weren't interested in you in the first place, so no loss for you. So you CAN just disregard all that and just power right through it. Depends on how hardcore you want to be. Bars, and clubs, kind of fall in between the two. But it'll never look bad if you are actually really enjoying whatever activity that the event is about, and having a good time.
phineas Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I go where there is live music. Alone. It's really no biggie & lot's of women. I also have a small group of women friends that I've started to hang out with. My though process is: Their women, they like to go to certain places to hang out & have fun....other women must also like to do this so why not go with them. 2
Necris Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Long post short, do you guys ever go out to places by yourself just to look for girls to talk to? For example, have you ever gone to Barnes and Noble to look for pretty girls instead of books? I'm at a point where my daily dealing and hobbies leave me NO chance to meet girls my age (21-25). I don't go to bars and no longer go to school on a physical campus. I've given up on OLD. Just wondering what you guys think. Yes I've tried that, no luck whatsoever, now however I don't care if I stay a single virgin for the rest of my life.
Emilia Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Long post short, do you guys ever go out to places by yourself just to look for girls to talk to? For example, have you ever gone to Barnes and Noble to look for pretty girls instead of books? I've developed male-oriented hobbies over the years for this reason Just wondering what you guys think. Personally I think it's the smart thing to do. Much smarter than OLD
sillyanswer Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Regarding the thread topic, presumably the alternative is staying at home doing nothing... in which case going places just to meet girls is better than staying at home hoping they'll just turn up and ring the doorbell. Long post short, do you guys ever go out to places by yourself just to look for girls to talk to? Sort of, yes, but I'd go somewhere that I would enjoy spending some time. 3
Buck Turgidson Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) I dunno, I seem to be able to pick up on the "I'm just here to pick up chicks"-vibe when guys are in a particular place with your particular motive. Maybe if you're really sly... I sincerely doubt you know that. In order to know that, you would have to perform a controlled study, by picking out a reasonably large sample of the dudes you pick up this feeling about, and then interviewing them later to find out if you were right, and then doing the same with the dudes you *didn't* get the feeling about. I strongly doubt you have done this. What you've done is gotten the feeling, and as a result not talked to those dudes at all, preventing you from getting any meaningful information about the accuracy of your feeling. But since you were able to successfully avoid them, you tell yourself in each instance, "whew! dodged a bullet there!" and add it to your success column, regardless of not knowing whether it's actually a success or not. This is known as "confirmation bias," the tendency of humans to accept any data at all as evidence for their pet theories, and one of the major reasons all scientific experiments are designed to *disprove,* not prove a theory. I delve into this, because you are using your bias to discourage people from doing the one thing that is most likely to result in their finding happiness in a romantic match: going out and looking for one. Edited July 9, 2013 by Buck Turgidson 1
swenann991 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 No,it is totally OK I love when nice guy have courage to try taking my attention in B&N for example, so that is totally OK
grkBoy Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I don't think it's pathetic, but you shouldn't go solely on the idea of meeting women. For instance, don't suddenly take up yoga or join a dance class just to meet women...when in actuality you don't like yoga or dancing. Find an interest to try that you can get into. For me it would be cooking. From what I've seen, most of the time women can tell when a guy is genuinely interested in them versus when he's just looking for any available single attractive female. If you clearly show you're only there looking to meet girls, the women will avoid...unless you're so "alpha" that they see you as worth a risk. Regardless, going out like this will help one be sociable, meet people, do things, have a life. Those all still count for something in the dating game. 1
Babolat Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 My dad has always told me you are going to meet woman doing the things you like to do. For example, when i force myself to go to a bar with friends, who I know are looking to meet chicks, I am usually quiet and shut down as I am not comfortable. And I usually leave early as I get bored. Now if I go with friends I enjoy hanging out with, without the premise of looking for girls, I have a blast as I am comfortable, I am myself. And i actually have more fun going out with my female friends now...no pressure and for some reason I am finding I like hanging out with them more than I do some of my male buds. 1
JustJana Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 No,it is totally OK I love when nice guy have courage to try taking my attention in B&N for example, so that is totally OK Funny this should be brought up. The guy I am talking to/sort of dating I met at Barnes & Noble. We were in the same section which lead to talking about the books there we had read, which lead to coffee right there & then we've been talking & texting, had a really nice date the other night & are going to a concert tomorrow as well. If he came to B&N with the intention of meeting a girl I don't really care, but he was smart enough to hang out in the section of books he genuinely enjoys reading & talking about, which lead to meeting me, who also enjoys reading & talking about that topic & those books. It was a much better meeting than if he had no interest in reading at all. Do you follow?
Babolat Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Funny this should be brought up. The guy I am talking to/sort of dating I met at Barnes & Noble. We were in the same section which lead to talking about the books there we had read, which lead to coffee right there & then we've been talking & texting, had a really nice date the other night & are going to a concert tomorrow as well. If he came to B&N with the intention of meeting a girl I don't really care, but he was smart enough to hang out in the section of books he genuinely enjoys reading & talking about, which lead to meeting me, who also enjoys reading & talking about that topic & those books. It was a much better meeting than if he had no interest in reading at all. Do you follow? I follow..keep in mind though... Some of my female friends share stories with me of metting a great guy, who shares their interests, only to later discover he "shared" their interests as a way to get them to like him. One story that sticks out is a friend of mine met a guy who, after she said she loved to read, he said the same. The first time she went to his house she could not see/find one book. And he does not own a Kindle or a Nook. She called him out on it and he admitted he never reads.
Emilia Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Some of my female friends share stories with me of metting a great guy, who shares their interests, only to later discover he "shared" their interests as a way to get them to like him. One story that sticks out is a friend of mine met a guy who, after she said she loved to read, he said the same. The first time she went to his house she could not see/find one book. And he does not own a Kindle or a Nook. She called him out on it and he admitted he never reads. that's retarded though. She was going to find out easily enough and it could be a deal breaker for bookish people
will1988 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 yes, of course I used to do this... I'd go to a strip club maybe once a month for a few years. lmao. My friends, they go to regular clubs just to get girls. now that I'm engaged I don't go to either types of clubs. I just prefer to go to a bar and grab a drink. So no I don't go to places just to talk to girls anymore. However, if I did, I'd probably go to a strip club or B&N like you said... although I spend like 45 minutes in the World War II history section looking at every single book and reading the backs and maybe a page or two... never seen many women hovering around there!
GravityMan Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Calling it "pathetic" might be a bit harsh, but it's not a good idea to go anywhere with the sole purpose of meeting women you may want to date. Others can detect guys exhibiting such a vibe and will either keep their distance or act in a polite but not overly friendly manner. It is also a bad idea to stay at home...duh. Try not to think or obsess too much about women. Just about everyone has things they like to do, and nearly everyone has things they haven't done but are curious or intrigued by. Get out of the house and do those things (both old and new) in a mixed social environment. You're more likely to relax, be yourself, and be a happier, more fun and interesting person. In other words, you're just living your life to the beat of your own drum. That will eventually draw others to you...for friendships and dating opportunities. Often when you're not expecting it. My dad has always told me you are going to meet woman doing the things you like to do. For example, when i force myself to go to a bar with friends, who I know are looking to meet chicks, I am usually quiet and shut down as I am not comfortable. And I usually leave early as I get bored. Now if I go with friends I enjoy hanging out with, without the premise of looking for girls, I have a blast as I am comfortable, I am myself. And i actually have more fun going out with my female friends now...no pressure and for some reason I am finding I like hanging out with them more than I do some of my male buds. Your dad is a wise man.
Author ls32ssibm Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I suppose the difficulty is finding something you enjoy that may also attract girls. For me, I am looking for gals in the 21-24 range, so yeah, good luck. I even have a very attractive looking dog that gets infinite attention, but even at the dog Parks its all older people there. And this is after having him for a year. Honestly cannot think of anything else that I could be doing that I'm not.
Lansing Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I am more of the mind to do what you want to do, enjoy life, and if you meet someone while doing it all the better. One of my friends decides whether or not he is going to do something based on whether or not he thinks girls his age that are attractive have the potential to be there. It is a bit over the top really. If there are older ladies/unattractive ladies he discounts the value of the activity. For me, I just talk to everyone when I go out. I have met ladies that are old enough to be my mom while volunteering and I will see them around at other events and chat with them. I am not one to be ageist/discriminate. Like others said, I think girls are good at reading people and can get that "vibe" if your intentions are just to pick up women.
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