Stay Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Ok so I'm 25 and I used to work with this girl so the work situation of dating is out of the way. I just recently got out of a 7 year relationship that shocked me with the things I found out. I'm pretty much completely over that because of what was discovered. Cannot see that person the same again. Anyways this girl that use to work with me went through similar issues in her past so I contacted her to talk.. She asked to hang out and talk over it then. So we did, ended up spending the whole night with her and some friends but by the end of the night it was just me and her. I've always sense a vibe from her, not sure if it's playful or interest. Anyways she said a few times that she's glad I came to talk to her, she told me later that she was glad we got to know each other. We hugged at the end and it seemed like she didn't even want to let go, I didn't want to let go for sure, it felt good. She then said I hope I didn't scare you away. I'm not looking for anything it's just she's a pretty cool person to hang out with and I would like to hang out with her more. I don't know how to approach this and I prTeeobably should have asked her to do this again but I didn't and no that opportunity is gone. There were times where she would reach out and touch me as I was walking she rubbed my shoulder slightly with her hand. She has quite the number of guys after her so there's quite a bit of competition but I'm honestly just looking for someone I can hang out with and talk and just not have any worries at least for now. It'll be a lot easier if I asked for her number and she gave it to me outside of work but we got each other's number through work so it's a bit harder to gauge if she's interested.
white Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Whether there is "something there" or not, you can be forgiven for thinking there might be. You're not pulling the idea out of thin air and daydreams. You've spent quality time together and she enjoys your company. My personal philosophy, which has made things a lot easier since my teens, is that if she spends time with you and enjoys it, you're entitled to take a shot (assuming she's single, which she probably is under the circumstances). Simple. Wouldn't happen if she'd rather be elsewhere or thought you suck or had better things to do. Solves all the 'is she isn't she' questions. Is she with you, does she smile and laugh? Feel free to make a move. 1
Author Stay Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) Whether there is "something there" or not, you can be forgiven for thinking there might be. You're not pulling the idea out of thin air and daydreams. You've spent quality time together and she enjoys your company. My personal philosophy, which has made things a lot easier since my teens, is that if she spends time with you and enjoys it, you're entitled to take a shot (assuming she's single, which she probably is under the circumstances). Simple. Wouldn't happen if she'd rather be elsewhere or thought you suck or had better things to do. Solves all the 'is she isn't she' questions. Is she with you, does she smile and laugh? Feel free to make a move. You're right.. I'm just not sure how to approach this.. I just got out of a relationship so I want to take it slow and avoid hurting her. I'll be happy with casual texts at least just to build up something, don't want to move too fast and scare her away. I just feel so out of the dating scene and never really have done anything like this.. at times I feel like I have nothing to lose and just go for it and at times there's that doubt on the back of my mind that I might be fooling myself and she's not that interested like I thought. I just texted her and we had a small talk about things going on with her now.. she seems to be open to tell me about stuff. She replied to the conversation with a, "hey stranger" instead of just a generic "hey". The main thing that bothers me is she might find me freshly out of a relationship and going after her weird... like how can I get over things that quickly. Edited July 10, 2013 by Stay
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Before you proceed with anything you need to figure what is it that you want from her. Saying: I'm not looking for anything it's just she's a pretty cool person to hang out with and I would like to hang out with her more. doesn't mean much. If you pursue her now and then you find out you're not ready to be with somebody you will have led her on. Which never ends well. Get clear with yourself first. You seem confused.
Author Stay Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) Before you proceed with anything you need to figure what is it that you want from her. Saying: doesn't mean much. If you pursue her now and then you find out you're not ready to be with somebody you will have led her on. Which never ends well. Get clear with yourself first. You seem confused. Well that's what I don't want to do, rush into things that's why I want to think of it more as getting to know each other but you're right I need to be clear on what I want. I do want to know her better.. my old relationship was technical over 5 months ago but she kept leading me on, stringing me along until she finally had that new person secured.. so technically we've been broken up a while for me to think about things. However I will take some more time to think about things to make sure this next girl isn't a rebound. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially like that. Edited July 10, 2013 by Stay
Lansing Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Maybe you should consider "friendzoning" her.... Just basically imply (directly or indirectly) that you are looking for a friend. Get to know her as a friend... If there REALLY is something there in 6 months or a year.... then you never know... 7 years is a LONG relationship.. I wouldn't get involved with dating someone again if I was you. But, new friends can be good.
Author Stay Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 Maybe you should consider "friendzoning" her.... Just basically imply (directly or indirectly) that you are looking for a friend. Get to know her as a friend... If there REALLY is something there in 6 months or a year.... then you never know... 7 years is a LONG relationship.. I wouldn't get involved with dating someone again if I was you. But, new friends can be good. You're right 7 years is a very long time.. however when you find out this person had been lying and keeping secrets from you the whole relationship it kind of just flies out the window. The relationship to me is nothing anymore since there really wasn't one. I just learned some valuable lessons but that other person is out of my life and is nobody to me. But yea that's pretty much what I'm thinking of doing.. at least be good friends now and the future is unknown so I'll see where it goes.
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