LilGirlandOW Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 My MM was my boss and we started dating as boss/employee, and when EA started i thought it was a dumb rule, that as long as they keep it professional at work alls well. Fast forward, present looking back I understand why it's not allowed. There were definitely advantages in being the boss's girlfriend.
USMCHokie Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 However, it just looks unprofessional to be mixing business with pleasure especially when you're in a position of power over someone. But what if it is used to reach a position of power? That is, someone views it as merely a means to an end...?
thefooloftheyear Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 As a business owner for 25 plus years I can emphatically say NO, its a bad idea. Could it work out? Maybe, but it would be a ton of work... Not worth it... .02 TFY
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I would even though logically it's a bad idea. I would especially date my boss 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 But what if it is used to reach a position of power? That is, someone views it as merely a means to an end...? In this case it would only be a means of climbing the ladder - to his dad. I don't think so.... 1
John316C Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) there is nothing wrong with what you want. it is right. get out of the matrix. stop seeking approval. word of advice though - show boundaries, you are the leader. when the girl you want sees if you treat her and therefor others differently, she will loose interest in you. when she sees that you treat her the same as others. you'l gain the respect of her and your other employees. yes, you can express interest in her. stop seeking approval. ... if she sees you seeking approval... she will loose interest in you... yes, you can express interest in her in the workplace, you can be expressive, however treat her the same when it comes to work. if she makes a mistake, you punish her the same way anyone else. if you dont she will loose interest in you.... also. you can depending on her overlook her mistakes, favor her. it depends on her. she may or may not care. there's nothing wrong with favoring someone who's in a relationship with you. why...? because she's your mate and she is more important than your employees. again that depends on your relationship, if you spoil her, she's gona take more because you give more... but it will cause others to mistrust you, which makes your leadership skills over those other employees more important when they find out. Edited July 9, 2013 by John316C
Teufelhunden Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I think it depends on the situation. Supervisor dating an employee underneath him/her is almost always a very bad idea, too much can go wrong. At the same time if you are both mature about it then much of the risk can be mitigated. What are your reasoning for wanting to date her? If it's just for a fling and some quick sex then I would strongly discourage you from doing anything. If you genuinely like the girl and can see the a potential relationship arising from it then there is a little more reason for risking it. However, if you don't know her very well, if she is young and potentially more immature then do not do it. Also be very, very sure that she would be receptive to you asking her out. If she says no then leave it be, do not ask again nor even give off any impression that you are still pursuing her or you leave yourself open to harassment claims. My friends at work were dating, moved in together, and did well, for a while. After a few months they got very sick of each other and it ended with him kicking her out. She still wanted him and a month later he started sleeping with her again. He didn't actually want to get back together though, he just wanted the sex. He dumped her again after a week and hooked up with a different girl at work. Well she didn't like that and accused him of rape during that week they were back together. He lost his job, has a restraining order against him, and now has to go to court to defend against the charges. Moral is, be very, very cautious about any work related romances. 1
LilGirlandOW Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I agree with above poster, There has been more than one upper management in my former company loose everything due to dating a employee under his/her ranks. Even now, that I dont work for the company if the company were to find out about our relationship, my ex boss would be thrown uner that same bus. Its a tough line to walk cause you spend so much time and effort at work.
John316C Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 the only reason "99%" ppl say "no, don't/can't do it", is because they don't know how to date an employee. they are ignorant and because of that they're telling you what to do and you're seeking their good graces to hopefully say "yes, you can do it, it's possible" (well they're not going to tell you that... if they don't know how to do it themselves. you should ask the experts, if you want good advice. but you don't even have to ask anyone. this is a problem for you and others simply because you are lacking the confidence in yourself and you are looking to others for techniques/strategies to overcome these problems or shoot down your dreams. that doesn't seem like a very good strategy. haven't there been people who have successfully dated employees? sure thousands - everywhere. where are these people getting 99% said "no", what 99? who came up with that number. 99% of the how many of their friends, did they even take a survey? the only reason you are asking is because you lack the confidence in yourself and you lack the skills and if you listen to others who say you can't do it, you won't your defeated before you even try. and if you try who knows maybe you will be successful maybe you will fail, its up to you (its your skill-set) hope my message does you good. gl
carhill Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 It appears the key stakeholders in this closely held business are disclosed and conditionally supportive of dating your employees. One question: Is this 'dating' social interaction for the purposes of ostensibly growing the business and/or casual social and/or sexual activities or is it a quest for a life partner/spouse? IMO, your focus has play in the health of the dynamic. Personally, I'd be cautious and establish some clear guidelines for employee interaction which respect your current rules/guidelines published to the employees, as applicable. Good luck.
Babolat Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I just kind of went thru this recently. The woman works in a different building, different department and she does NOT report to me though I hold a higher position then she does. I think work is a great place to meet people. You can get to the know them before dating/hanging out with them. In my case I had no issues with it. She did though it would not have stopped her. other, non-work related issues stopped her. Be prepared to get "discovered"; meaning other colleagues will see you out. Be prepared for what they will say and what rumors they will start. And, potentially be prepared for one of you to leave the company should it get serious. The bad is , well, what happens if things end up bad? Will yopu BOTH be OK still working together? it's a talk you should have.
Babolat Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Am I the only one giggling everytime I see a reply "Underneath him"? Why can't she be on top?
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Wow thanks for all the feedback guys. You're right about the approval part but again, it just baffles me that others can do it while majority of the people say otherwise. It's very clear cut in my heart that I know I will never date an employee because I care more about the reputation of the company. As for my motives, well, I'm not doing it for sexual pleasures if that's what you're wondering. Rather, I would just like to "experiment" to see where things go. Some posters have suggested that once she quits, it would be a better idea to start the whole dating procedure, which I agree, but you know patience isn't a guy's game, especially when you're in your mid 20s. You wish everything could be done with a snap of a finger. But again, thank you LS community for your opinions and comments.
GorillaTheater Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I'm always surprised when this issue comes up. It's like asking whether it's a good idea to jump into a pond full of cottonmouths. But hell, lawyers need work, too.
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I'm always surprised when this issue comes up. It's like asking whether it's a good idea to jump into a pond full of cottonmouths. But hell, lawyers need work, too. True! But a little reassurance sometimes might get you back on track. I mean, isn't that what LS is all about? Reassuring all the posters that the things they are doing is right or wrong?
GorillaTheater Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 True! But a little reassurance sometimes might get you back on track. I mean, isn't that what LS is all about? Reassuring all the posters that the things they are doing is right or wrong? Okay, I'll buy that. But if I was your lawyer, and you asked me that question, I'd throw a book at your head.
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 okay, i'll buy that. But if i was your lawyer, and you asked me that question, i'd throw a book at your head. lmao. :d
Mycteria Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I met my boyfriend at work. He was my direct manager. We worked together and flirted for about 8 months before finally getting together. Then we kept it a secret for a few months. It was kind of fun, but somewhat stressful. I feel like he was harder on me than others, but not overly so. After a while another manager found out, and so did the owner of our company. It's against company policy for managers to date employees, but our GM wanted me to stay there so he let me stay, and the owner didn't mind. After a while I requested to be transferred because some of the other staff found out and I didn't want to cause any trouble. So anyway...it can work out. Work is a very common place to meet potential partners. Usually it's between coworkers rather than employers/employees but it can work either way. I do think that if you have a lot to lose and your company is fairly strict, you should be careful. But clearly you're not in the type of environment to worry about that too much. I have dated other people at work before too. My first boyfriend and I worked together and I dated another coworker after that. When things went sour, I never had any problems keeping civil at work. (That second guy was kind of a psycho about it, but I digress.)
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