OrangeSnack Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Before I begin, majority of the people, in fact 99.9% of the people I have asked in regards to dating your employees is a NO. But my question is why? Why is dating your employees a bad thing? Especially in my situation. I run a company (not the owner) and I have a few employees under me that I would like to get to know on a personal basis. I don't know if dating is the right term but I just want to hang out with them and see where things go? Is that a bad thing? Your thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. PS, i've met so many couples that are happily married and they met via work. Maybe their situation was a bit different. I don't know but I just want to hear the LS opinion.
princess66666 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 yeah that's a big NO. don't date them unless or until they quit. the power dynamic will make things super weird
stormymonday Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I am completely opposed to supervisors dating employees, it's too much potential for workplace drama and hard feelings down the road.
soccerrprp Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I am completely opposed to supervisors dating employees, it's too much potential for workplace drama and hard feelings down the road. Are you okay with supervisor with supervisor and employee with employee? Frankly, regardless of power structure, I think dating a co-worker is not a good idea.
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Before I begin, majority of the people, in fact 99.9% of the people I have asked in regards to dating your employees is a NO. But my question is why? Why is dating your employees a bad thing? Especially in my situation. I run a company (not the owner) and I have a few employees under me that I would like to get to know on a personal basis. I don't know if dating is the right term but I just want to hang out with them and see where things go? Is that a bad thing? Your thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. You mean.....you've asked all these people and 99.9% of people have told you 'NO' - but have never stated 'why'? OK. So you start dating this hot chick in your company. Things get hot and steamy, she neglects her work, other employees experience jealousy because you favour her, so she has to endure resentment. Then - you break up/have an argument/you cheat/she cheats whatever... Suddenly, the atmosphere isn't so cool any more. Rumours fly, people become disrespectful, insubordinate, take sides, and make things extremely uncomfortable. She becomes depressed, her work suffers - YOUR work suffers, the company suffers, she has to change jobs, leaves the company (the atmosphere is just unbearable and seeing you every day - as her boss - just places her in an untenable position) but even though she leaves, she can't find work. She falls behind on the rent, loses her apartment and has to give her dog up. Worse still, she tells you she's pregnant.... And it's all your fault, you B'stard... 1
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Interesting. But what about all the "happy" stories of couples meeting at work. I understand that there are cons to dating your employees but there are also facts and concrete success. It's like, if they can do it, I can do it as well. No?
paigej91 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I say do whatever you want to. Many people will say no, and you seem well aware of the reasons why, but if you still feel otherwise, then do it. I would be a hypocrite to be against it, but I will say that it can be a very messy and confusing situation. There are many benefits as well though, including a better reputation if you're the employee haha
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 You don't seem to realise that your position places you at a disadvantage. You say there are a load of success stories... Where? Show me. I can show you plenty here which begin "So I started dating this girl/guy at work..." and believe me, they didn't go well....
CarrieT Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 But my question is why? Why is dating your employees a bad thing? Especially in my situation. I run a company (not the owner) and I have a few employees under me that I would like to get to know on a personal basis. I don't know if dating is the right term but I just want to hang out with them and see where things go? Is that a bad thing? Building on TaraMaiden's potential event, here is one that happened to a good friend of mine... Just like you, the guy ran the company (not the owner) and he liked a particular girl that worked under him. She liked him too -- or so he thought. They had a relationship that lasted several months until things went sour. But, instead of just quitting and moving on, the girl filed sexual harassment charges, citing my friend as an abuser. He lost his job, most of his friends, and was personally sued for a chunk of change from the employer -- who also had to pay out the nose for settling out of court for the suit. Just don't go there! It is a stupid, stupid thing to do. ---------- Then here was my situation: When I was 19, I had a thing for my boss. We both worked at a bookstore. Eventually we got an apartment together and got engaged. Then the corporate heads found out about it and fired both of us. That was 30 years ago, but still....
tbf Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Try it and see what happens. Some can only learn through experience and while there are successful to neutral stories, there are also a substantial number of stories that scale from discomfort to trauma to tragedy. One question, why would you risk your firm for a little wanky, wanky? Not a smart business decision.
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Yes, i've heard about the lawsuit part. That's quite scary and frankly, it can happen to anyone. The risk of dating your employees is definitely there. I wouldn't say it's a bad business decision, more like a risky business decision. But isn't life about taking risks? I know deep down in my heart I will never do it but it does bother me with the fact that my old corporate america job, a lot of my bosses dated their employees whom now they have become happily married. (One was a manager and the other was a trainee). It's like when you're a kid you see your friend carrying a brand new hot wheels lunch box and your like COOL so you rush home to mommy and daddy demanding a "cooler" hot wheels lunch box. Was that a piss poor analogy? LOL All in all, I see the negative impact that it may have on you and your company but the reward is also there? And thank you for those that 'suggest' to give it a shot. Y'all are more of a risk taker than myself lol
tbf Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 A business is a separate entity from the owner. From a business perspective, there are no business advantages to dating employees for an owner but there's the risk of substantial detrimental effects on the business. So...bad business decision.
tbf Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 A business is a separate entity from the owner. From a business perspective, there are no business advantages to dating employees for an owner but there's the risk of substantial detrimental effects on the business. So...bad business decision.Oops, replace owner with supervisor/manager.
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Oops, replace owner with supervisor/manager. What if I said it was a family business? And that the owners are my parents. Does that change anything? Dating your employees or dating your co-workers? Technically, it would be employees
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 What if I said it was a family business? And that the owners are my parents. Does that change anything? God yes! it makes things 100 times worse! nepotism, favouritism and being born with a silver spoon in your mouth, taking advantage of your position... spoilt kid who thinks he can get away with anything... Try asking your mom and dad what they would think if you began dating someone at work.... Technically, it would be employees Technically it would be professional suicide. 3
hoping2heal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 What if I said it was a family business? And that the owners are my parents. Does that change anything? Technically, it would be employees Okay, So if you start dating your employees you'll look like a ****ty businessmen. Since it's a family business, you'll make your parents look bad too. Unless, you're like some young high school kid then you can probably get away with it. However, it just looks unprofessional to be mixing business with pleasure especially when you're in a position of power over someone. Yes, some people meet at work and even marry. If there is no policy against coworkers dating then that's fine. It's a risky gamble but it's still "okay". But, many places of business, etc. do not allow dating of superiors and subordinates. 1
tbf Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 What if I said it was a family business? And that the owners are my parents. Does that change anything?No. Your need for sex has nothing to do with the well-being of the business. Why are we even arguing about this? It's business and common sense 101.
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 (edited) God yes! it makes things 100 times worse! nepotism, favouritism and being born with a silver spoon in your mouth, taking advantage of your position... spoilt kid who thinks he can get away with anything... Try asking your mom and dad what they would think if you began dating someone at work.... Technically it would be professional suicide. :laugh: Thanks Tara for clarifying. You've always been a tough SOB on this board. But I have to say, my parents are the one that suggested this, not me LOL. :laugh: I am totally against it. Trust me, there is no argument here. 99.9% of the responses I have gotten here are correct and from my past experiences with corporate america, i've seen sour relationships amongst employees. It's really sad No. Your need for sex has nothing to do with the well-being of the business. Why are we even arguing about this? It's business and common sense 101. Yeah! But I'm not in it for sex :/ But I understand where you're coming from. Okay, So if you start dating your employees you'll look like a ****ty businessmen. Since it's a family business, you'll make your parents look bad too. Unless, you're like some young high school kid then you can probably get away with it. However, it just looks unprofessional to be mixing business with pleasure especially when you're in a position of power over someone. Yes, some people meet at work and even marry. If there is no policy against coworkers dating then that's fine. It's a risky gamble but it's still "okay". But, many places of business, etc. do not allow dating of superiors and subordinates. True! Absolutely SPOT ON. But my parents thoughts are different. Could it be a cultural difference? I really don't know. I was born here and I grew up in the states. My parents are pretty traditional and I know as a company we don't enforce the whole "dating your employee is a bad thing." But I know that if you are dating someone within the company you would have to let your superiors know so that you can't A). be working in the same department B). You will have to be relocated. Edited July 9, 2013 by OrangeSnack
shexy Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Um, a lot of bosses don't date employees because it's against company policy. don't you have an HR department? Why would you want to risk your career like that?
D-Lish Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Where I work there are married couples, dating couples, family, etc. There are over 600 people that work at my location- and there are a lot of connections. People would connect regardless in such a huge population, so HR manages it instead of prohibiting it. Where there is an imbalance of power- people who are connected, don't work in the same department. When it comes to being co-workers- there are couples in the same department. I dated a manager for a while- not someone I reported to, but an indirect manager nonetheless. I was moved to a different department/shift to avoid any potential issues when we disclosed it to HR. It sucked because I loved my old position and hated the new one- but disclosure is encouraged and also proper to avoid problems. People aren't discouraged from dating where I work- but we have to participate in sexual harassment seminars about once every three months.
Imported Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Interesting. But what about all the "happy" stories of couples meeting at work. I understand that there are cons to dating your employees but there are also facts and concrete success. It's like, if they can do it, I can do it as well. No? If I was the owner and I knew this is how you run the business.....you wouldn't be in charge. You're gonna **** it up, it'll cost me. It'd be a very cut and dry decision. All because you wanted to **** some chick that probably has you power tripping over them. I am not against dating peers at work at all, but if I am directly in charge of deciding their fate at my work, I don't screw around with them at all.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Why not ask your parents to set you up ? joking aside... have you asked your parents how they would view you dating an underling ? Would they encourage it ? there is where the real answer lies....
Seductive Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I'm the opposite where I've had friends tell me that I should ask my cute co worker out. No way in hell! I'm a supervisor, and I could get in deep **** if I ask a coworker out. My boss will say its unprofessional, it will ruin my reputation, and it can make things awkward. Not to mention that the coworker is just a 22 year old kid, and i'm 30. There's no future there.
Author OrangeSnack Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Why not ask your parents to set you up ? joking aside... have you asked your parents how they would view you dating an underling ? Would they encourage it ? there is where the real answer lies.... I have and frankly my answer was simple to them: No, i would never date an employee mainly because it could potentially jeopardize the company's reputation if we break up, it would cause jealously amongst employees and there could potentially be lawsuits. Their response: well keep your eyes open and we aren't against it if you do it because it will only help our business grow. (which to a certain extent, I agree, but it can also make your business suffer. So in reality it goes both ways). In other words, they don't oppose me doing it, rather they encourage it. It's quite an odd situation to be in but sometimes I get so side tracked with my firm decision that I have second thoughts of: "well what if I dated so and so, but not call it a date, just getting to know her more hah." I understand 99.9% of the community opposes this action but what baffles me is that people I know of in the past and current have dated their employees (whom were their superiors) have had good healthy long term relationships. But there are people who have had negative experiences as well.
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