Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 "They are not going to be stable enough to stay in any relationship, and it's very likely they are also emotionally unavailable. That's why they tend to chase or pine for emotionally unavailable or emotionally distant men. So, if you find yourself chasing after guys, the likelihood is you are not as ready for a relationship as you believe you are and you have passed many decent guys who will be great partners to you but whose only sins are they are too easy for you because they don't make you chase them (because they're busy chasing you!). They are not a challenge to you, thus they don't activate that sense of uncertainty in your brain that tells you, 'I'm in love!' " Any female current or reformed chasers relate to this? I sure can!! 1
Treasa Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Reformed chaser right here. Last chase, January of this year. I got bored two weeks after my "conquest" and still tried to make it work for another month or two, and then realized that I was tired of the chase and the butterflies and wanted real love, which I already had. 2
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I don't really understand the concept of "chasing"... Care to give an example? Is it goin after someone who is unavailable? 1
soccerrprp Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I don't really understand the concept of "chasing"... Care to give an example? Is it goin after someone who is unavailable? Good question. I'm curious too. 2
Treasa Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Not for me it wasn't. For me it was about seeing a guy I wanted, and sometimes didn't want that much, and seeing if I could get him, which I pretty much always could. And then I got bored easily. The challenge was the fun part, and once the challenge was over, the incompatibility problems surfaced pretty quickly. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I don't really understand the concept of "chasing"... Care to give an example? Is it goin after someone who is unavailable? Chasing to me is pretty obvious. "Going after him" instead of him coming after you. For me, it involves whatever affirmative acts a woman takes to "get" a man in he early dating stages: regularly initiating contact, asking him out, etc. Displaying masculine aggressive energy, rather than feminine receptive energy.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I guess I don't really understand. I mean, I have been the one to make a love plenty of times, it want really chasing though, just making my interest known. If that is being a chaser then I have always been one. Throughout my life it never mattered who contacted or initiated first, it was the end result. I wouldn't call myself a thrill seeker in terms of dating or unable to commit. I just have an outgoing personality and when I want something ill make it known. Lol 2
Divasu Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Yes, of course. A big reason why I abstained from dating altogether during a time in my life for a prolonged period of time. I needed to (for lack of a better word) get my sh*t together. I went from one long term relationship to the next from the age of 16 up until my early 30's, with maybe a year being single in between. And, I was with someone for 6 years who was emotionally unavailable. That relationship was FULL of drama. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I guess I don't really understand. I mean, I have been the one to make a love plenty of times, it want really chasing though, just making my interest known. If that is being a chaser then I have always been one. Throughout my life it never mattered who contacted or initiated first, it was the end result. I wouldn't call myself a thrill seeker in terms of dating or unable to commit. I just have an outgoing personality and when I want something ill make it known. Lol You picked two men who weren't/aren't 100% available to you (one deployed repeatedly in the military, and the current moved to Europe). Perhaps you're EU and you don't really realize it. The fact that your current relationship is drama free and leaves you wanting some drama and excitement kinda points in that direction. Just something to think about, from an ex-EU girl. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Not for me it wasn't. For me it was about seeing a guy I wanted, and sometimes didn't want that much, and seeing if I could get him, which I pretty much always could. And then I got bored easily. The challenge was the fun part, and once the challenge was over, the incompatibility problems surfaced pretty quickly. Had an gf in college that fit this profile -- we were together for about 6 months which was probably about 3 months longer than she would have preferred. She had a VERY magnetic personality and was manipulatively flirtatious. Her M.O. was making shy nerdy science guys her conquests. Of course, shooting fish in a barrel is way more challenging, so I don't know what she got out of it. Is she reformed? I assume she is. We don't stay in touch, but I know she is a science professor at a liberal arts college and she's married with a little girl. Sounds more stable to me. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 You picked two men who weren't/aren't 100% available to you (one deployed repeatedly in the military, and the current moved to Europe). Perhaps you're EU and you don't really realize it. The fact that your current relationship is drama free and leaves you wanting some drama and excitement kinda points in that direction. Just something to think about, from an ex-EU girl. I didn't ask for drama, I asked for an adventure. Lol I don't follow you at all. So because I married a man in the military I am emotionally unavailable? I don't follow... 1
soccerrprp Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Hmmmm. Interesting, interesting. I hope I never become a victim of this. I would not be pleased to find out that I was simply a novelty to be won and then discarded after the thrill of the chase ceased. Hmmmm.... 1
hoping2heal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I can definitely relate! I thought that was called being 16 - 23 but maybe it is thrill seeking..lmao. I'm guilty as charged of all of that well, at least I once was. Well no wait let me clarify; I didn't go after the men. Also, no married men, men in relationships, etc. I'm reformed now in the sense that I do my thrill seeking not in the relationship realm and enjoy and appreciate my lovely man 1
Divasu Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Hmmmm. Interesting, interesting. I hope I never become a victim of this. I would not be pleased to find out that I was simply a novelty to be won and then discarded after the thrill of the chase ceased. Hmmmm.... If you're not emotionally unavailable yourself, then you won't have a problem.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I didn't ask for drama, I asked for an adventure. Lol I don't follow you at all. So because I married a man in the military I am emotionally unavailable? I don't follow... You specifically chose men who couldn't be available to you. That is a tell-tale sigh of being EU yourself. EU women pick men who are unavailable in some way: physically far away, in relationships with others, emotionally closed off, insanely busy with careers/children, addicts, etc. They CHOSE men who can never really be there for them; as such, they can never really be left. You obviously disagree. That's fine; you don't have to continue in the discussion if you can't relate to it.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Hmmmm. Interesting, interesting. I hope I never become a victim of this. I would not be pleased to find out that I was simply a novelty to be won and then discarded after the thrill of the chase ceased. Hmmmm.... If you're a man who chases/courts a woman, you likely won't be chased by an EU woman. You'll catch an available one. 1
Treasa Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Had an gf in college that fit this profile -- we were together for about 6 months which was probably about 3 months longer than she would have preferred. She had a VERY magnetic personality and was manipulatively flirtatious. Her M.O. was making shy nerdy science guys her conquests. Of course, shooting fish in a barrel is way more challenging, so I don't know what she got out of it. Is she reformed? I assume she is. We don't stay in touch, but I know she is a science professor at a liberal arts college and she's married with a little girl. Sounds more stable to me. Oooh, I shrank down a little in my chair, wondering if you knew me personally for a moment, there. For me, once I securely had them, I would often be bored, but also be reduced to someone who would get a little clingy and anxious about keeping them. It was very bizarre and uncomfortable.
Divasu Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Here's a quiz: Are You Emotionally Unavailable | Lifescript.com
FitChick Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Chasing is hard work. I'd rather have the man do the work. 2
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I guess the wording is what I don't get. So if you are a chaser you are automatically eu? Because the two men you mentioned pursued me. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 *raises hand* I'm so done with all of it though. So very done. This last time was the straw that broke the camel's back. I've completely sworn off OLD, since that's largely contributed to my problem of being attracted to guys who are not just emotionally distant, but physically distant as well. I want real love, not a fantasy. Don't take this the wrong way, but I love seeing this from you. The breakthrough won't be instantaneous, but recognition is HUGE. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Many people...not just women, are chasing something to fill that void within...and when that something is out of reach or far away, the prospect of attaining it becomes more magnetic...the almost there but not having it especially, this is the "thing" that will make them feel whole or complete. Once you have what you think you wanted or needed..you are then are faced with the reality, that is different than your expectations of fulfillment, because likely what you were expecting was unrealistic or unattainable, and mostly fantasy. Something that has to come from within. You are looking through rose colored glasses...expecting, or hoping that this next adventure or unattainable romance will give you the peace or everlasting thrill at the end of it's road you so desperately desire...because it is simply unknown, and the unknown can be anything..the ride itself is a little bit dangerous and thrilling. Something you can't have must surely be the answer, and something you cannot ever get won't ever give you the real answer...which maybe you don't care to know in that moment. For some, it's easier to thrive in the chaos than accept the predictability of peace and stability. The heart can want many things, and often times they are contradictory. The prospect of real love and true intimacy is often frightening for many because of the level of vulnerability that must be endured is too uncomfortable. 3
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I guess the wording is what I don't get. So if you are a chaser you are automatically eu? Because the two men you mentioned pursued me. You're not understanding inductive vs deductive logic. If you're a female chaser, yes: You're very, very likely EU. BUT you can be EU and not have chased the men you chose to be in a relationship with. Just because you were chased, doesn't mean you're not EU. Many, many, many women are chased by EU men, and they pick the EU man because he's EU himself.
tbf Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 While there's an element of thrill-seeking when it comes to challenge, is there an underlying question of lovability, hence proof of through acquisition of challenge? 2
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Many, many, many women are chased by EU men, and they pick the EU man because SHE is EU HERself. Fixed my boo boo.
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