MoooOinkBaaa Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 (edited) I've been in a long distance (270) miles relationship with my girlfriend for seven years now. She is 25 I'm 26. We usually visit each other by train once every 2-3 months for 1-2 weeks during term holidays. We hate being apart and do love each other deeply still. She is probably the best girlfriend I could ask for up until recently. This is a pretty strong relationship just like any other good LDR, just some things bother me when we're apart. Well after seven years I feel like things have got nowhere in regards to living together. I feel like she wants to live the single life and I'm just an accessory to her. She was a cool calm girl, few friends but they were close quality ones. Now she's got tons and tons of friends, and goes out clubbing about two times a week. I don't go out drinking but she used to hate it if I ever did on a special occasion. I don't see the point in doing it if you're not single, that's why I haven't been out drinking for over six years because it's boring as a single guy. She doesn't know I know she goes out and doesn't mention it, I don't have facebook but I looked at her Twitter and it's full of photos. She even left me alone at her house all night when I visited to go out with her friends. She goes to house parties all the time too, sometimes traveling to different cities. She never mentions these parties but I don't think she's cheated on me, but who knows for sure. It's annoying because I do none of that, I don't even drink. I'm a dedicated powerlifter on a strict diet whilst she never exercises, eats a ton of crap is technically obese (she's 32) on the BMI scale. She drinks all the time. She used to say she hates drinking too, and clubs. She is of the same opinion as me that clubs are sweaty meat markets for singles. Now she can't get enough of them. Last time I visited in April she had a massive house party before I came and there was drinks still in the garden and fridge. She poured all the leftover drinks down the sink and made out how disgusting it was but now I think she was just trying to impress me. The main problem is we could of moved in together this year. I was going to move down there as she has too many friends to move up here. She told me this year we can move in together as her mum is helping her buy a house. Now I found out she's moving out and taking one of her new friends into a two bedroom house. I'm about to be made homeless in two weeks but she won't know, so that kind of sucks too. Why after seven years would she move in with her friend?? I'm about to call it quits because I can't deal any longer with the distance. I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. I'm sick and tired of every little thing being planned, meals, movies, visits, e-mails. I want to be able to just call my girlfriend randomly and say hey do you fancy going to the beach today, or a movie. Edited July 8, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa
CherryT Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 It sounds like you both are on different pages and are growing in separate directions. People change and she's in the zone of just wanting to have fun. You shouldn't be her second, third, or fourth option. Why wouldn't she know you would be made homeless in two weeks? Has your communication always been like this? Why are you afraid to question her change in attitude and saying "I thought you looked at partying this way and now you're out so much. Is there something going on?". 7 years is a long time to be in a relationship and to have a SO be brushed off like this. I feel like she may have lost interest in the LDR and perhaps have already moved on. You should have a conversation with her and let her know that you don't feel like you're in a relationship anymore and that maybe it was best for you both to take some time apart. If she wants to party she'll party and if she doesn't fight for you, then you know that her priorities have changed. 3
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 That's what I thought. She's always going to gigs and festivals too and doesn't invite me. We hardly communicate, probably e-mail each other once a week. I admit some of that is my fault as I just don't want to talk to her recently because of my depression from this relationship. That's why she doesn't know, I'm not telling her because I don't want her to worry. I don't want to ask about the clubbing and stuff because I don't want to appear insecure or controlling. If she wants to do it then I'm not going to say anything about it. Let her be her true colours rather than mention it so she can pretend like she cares. It's just something I have to deal with. I don't want to make her decide between me and her friends, I want her to do it without my intervention otherwise it's just fake and I'll feel like she only did it cause I had to ask. What do you mean take time apart? We've taken seven years apart.
CherryT Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 That's what I thought. She's always going to gigs and festivals too and doesn't invite me. We hardly communicate, probably e-mail each other once a week. I admit some of that is my fault as I just don't want to talk to her recently because of my depression from this relationship. That's why she doesn't know, I'm not telling her because I don't want her to worry. I don't want to ask about the clubbing and stuff because I don't want to appear insecure or controlling. If she wants to do it then I'm not going to say anything about it. Let her be her true colours rather than mention it so she can pretend like she cares. It's just something I have to deal with. I don't want to make her decide between me and her friends, I want her to do it without my intervention otherwise it's just fake and I'll feel like she only did it cause I had to ask. What do you mean take time apart? We've taken seven years apart. I meant to say it as a nice way to tell her you want to break up. It's your way to gauge whether she will choose you or the partying... that's if you want to get back together. I think if you're only emailing once a week and you're only 300 miles (rounding up) apart, then your relationship isn't as substantial as it once was. The lack of communication may have made her feel lonely so she went looking for things to be included in. Unfortunately, those were friends who she's since started partying with. I am in a LDR so I know how you feel. We are closer to 1800 miles apart and can only see each other by plane. If I were only getting one email a week from my BF, I would probably start moving on too. I think the fire is gone and that's hard to get back. You might as well break up since a) you don't want to deal with her partying anymore and don't want to feel like you've been put on the back burner and b) there really isn't a foundation in your relationship anymore if you're only communicating once or twice a week via email. 1
Chris516 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I've been in a long distance (270) miles relationship with my girlfriend for seven years now. She is 25 I'm 26. We usually visit each other by train once every 2-3 months for 1-2 weeks during term holidays. We hate being apart and do love each other deeply still. She is probably the best girlfriend I could ask for up until recently. This is a pretty strong relationship just like any other good LDR, just some things bother me when we're apart. Well after seven years I feel like things have got nowhere in regards to living together. I feel like she wants to live the single life and I'm just an accessory to her. She was a cool calm girl, few friends but they were close quality ones. Now she's got tons and tons of friends, and goes out clubbing about two times a week. I don't go out drinking but she used to hate it if I ever did on a special occasion. I don't see the point in doing it if you're not single, that's why I haven't been out drinking for over six years because it's boring as a single guy. She doesn't know I know she goes out and doesn't mention it, I don't have facebook but I looked at her Twitter and it's full of photos. She even left me alone at her house all night when I visited to go out with her friends. She goes to house parties all the time too, sometimes traveling to different cities. She never mentions these parties but I don't think she's cheated on me, but who knows for sure. It's annoying because I do none of that, I don't even drink. I'm a dedicated powerlifter on a strict diet whilst she never exercises, eats a ton of crap is technically obese (she's 32) on the BMI scale. She drinks all the time. She used to say she hates drinking too, and clubs. She is of the same opinion as me that clubs are sweaty meat markets for singles. Now she can't get enough of them. Last time I visited in April she had a massive house party before I came and there was drinks still in the garden and fridge. She poured all the leftover drinks down the sink and made out how disgusting it was but now I think she was just trying to impress me. The main problem is we could of moved in together this year. I was going to move down there as she has too many friends to move up here. She told me this year we can move in together as her mum is helping her buy a house. Now I found out she's moving out and taking one of her new friends into a two bedroom house. I'm about to be made homeless in two weeks but she won't know, so that kind of sucks too. Why after seven years would she move in with her friend?? I'm about to call it quits because I can't deal any longer with the distance. I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. I'm sick and tired of every little thing being planned, meals, movies, visits, e-mails. I want to be able to just call my girlfriend randomly and say hey do you fancy going to the beach today, or a movie. Like you said, it seems like she is treating you as an accessory despite the 'small'(it is when it comes to LDR average) distance. I am in an LDR that is 1800mi., and I know of LDRs' that are close to 3x the distance I am from my SO. So, I feel that the physical distance between you n' your SO is the least of your problems. Communication is important, regardless of being in an LDR, or living under the same roof. 2
FitChick Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Sounds like she has moved on with her life and you are just a friend whom she sees a few times a year. Find a new girlfriend, maybe someone sporty and into health and fitness so you have more in common.
RedQueen Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I have to pipe in as a chick who has done a lot of clubbing/gigs/festivals. Some people are extroverted and/or don't like being alone. When I go 'out and about' it's because I can't take the loneliness anymore. I want to dance, live, be around people and enjoy sights etc. But when someone has my heart, it ends there and I could literally have 50 male gods gagging to get with me and not care. Maybe she doesn't know where your relationship is headed so she's just passing the time and trying to get herself together. Have you defined things? May be time to state your case, lay down the law and tell her how you'd like for things to be. Could be she just doesn't know, but if she refuses to solidify things, then you have your answer.
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Yeah the distance isn't as far as you guys but it's still stopping us seeing each other. I got an e-mail off her today after a week. It was just a reply from my last e-mail about food. I told her my phones dead and she put Its alright I dont have any credit!! Where abouts you moving too?? And if you get a chance go to the library and email me your address or send me a letter so I know you are okay i worry about you remember!! And ta I will look tomorrow She asked when I'm moving out and I told her I'm gonna be on the street if I don't get a hostel in a week. I always worry about you its part and parcel of wanting to be with you and thinking about you lots *kisses you lots* okies send me a letter when you can. It will go in the pillow! I always wear your necklace at night and I spray myself with your spray at night so it reminds me of you at night. At least you will finally be getting away from your mum! Are you staying in Hull? Do those e-mails look genuine? That's what she said so I just realized she doesn't really care about us. If she did she wouldn't be looking to buy a house for her and her friend. She'd be talking about us living together and getting our own place by ourselves. Even if I do find a place to live, I don't think we'll be seeing each other for a long time since we'll both have work and separate lives. I'm not going to visit for a weekend, there's no point at all for a time that short.
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