We love each other but she does not want to get a go with a relationship

[hovoss]

Well I have been dating this girl for 2 years and we are in the same class...

It started 2 years back, she already had a boyfriend( 3 years they were together and then she learnt that he cheated on her)...

During this time, she knew I had feelings for her and I told her about them...She was delighted because she also had feelings for me but she was not sure until I told her...She broke up with her bf but she told me that she needed time...I was always there for her but in doing so i gave her the space she needed to move on from her break up..

 

Now in February 2012, I learnt from one of his best friend that she was going abroad to study after her degree.. Well I was shocked that she did not even tell me this because we both wanted a relationship.. and her friend even told me that she would not be willing to go abroad if she entered into a relationship with me...This has taken a toll on me and on Valentine's day I acted angrily and sadly towards her...And then I told her that I loved her very much but that I won;t stand in her way if she decided to go away because I'm not the guy who is there to harass her etc..

 

The day after, after classes her ex came to fetch her and I was totally disillusioned by this because she told me that she did not keep contact with him...I went into a depressed mode and later found out that she was at the clinic and that she had treatment with a psychologist because she was unable to make choices and so on...

 

We remained friends until May where our feelings lit up again...however she already made the business of going abroad..I was completely isolated and thus, i went to tell all the sorty ot my BFF as he was into a LDR for 3 years now...In June my friend (she only knew him on facebook) reacted angrily towards her,spilling the story of his ex cheated on her and that she did not move on from her ex...

 

She reacted angrily towards me because I had told the story to my friend but I partially took the blame on myself but on the other hand, my friend had some points to tell her all this because she constantly isolated me from my friends...She wanted our relationship to remain secret so that people will not ask questions...BUT how on earth would I be able to do this ?? we are together all the time, we sit together, we do everything together...Maybe she kept playing with me ...

She told me that she was happy about how things are now, she does not want a relationship..

 

Recenlty, she told me that in December, she met with a guy(they actually kissed) and wanted to be in a relationship with him...Telling me this, as if nothing mattered...I just told her,,,few times ago you wanted to remain single and now you want to be in a relationship....

Was she playing with me all this time??? She then told me that she might not go abroad and so on...So Was i Fighting for nothing?? Was i taking all the blames for nothing :/ ?

Was i dumb because I was so patient to wait for her?? Did I sacrifice my time for obtaining things like this in return ???

I truly love her and should I say, it was an epic but now that all this happened....I'm all down :/ and my exams are finishing on the 14th of June....She constantly keeps telling me that we will see each other afterwards but I don't think it will ever be like this...Because I want more than just being friends but in her case no... and maybe she would go with this guy...

 

The last day of the semester (well our courses came to an end and we are waiting for the results) she told me that I should not worry, that I must not get jealous and so on...Gosh maybe i should not be friends with her and ler her go. :/