keyzer47 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 My BF of 3 years, we recently purchased a house together were discussing marriage.. and he made the comment about getting married when I lose weight. I'm the same weight give or take 5 pounds since we started dating. I am trying to lose weight for myself not him, but that comment just made me feel like I wasnt worthy of marriage until I lost weight He was married before for 20 years, and his last X wife gained alot of weight... They grew apart, he fell out of love with her.
Turtles Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 My BF of 3 years, we recently purchased a house together were discussing marriage.. and he made the comment about getting married when I lose weight. I'm the same weight give or take 5 pounds since we started dating. I am trying to lose weight for myself not him, but that comment just made me feel like I wasnt worthy of marriage until I lost weight He was married before for 20 years, and his last X wife gained alot of weight... They grew apart, he fell out of love with her. It sounds like an ******* comment when pinpointed like that but I am sure (I hope?) there was a bit more context to it.
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Call him out on it. Tell him you consider his comment offensive - if you're only a little overweight since you began dating, ask him what he perceives to be the issue: And tell him it's easier to lose weight than it is to get a personality implant.... How rude.... Also, if you SERIOUSLY want to consider getting fitter, take a look at the first item in my signature. But it's not something you should EVER consider undertaking because someone's "shaming you into it". It's something you should consider for yourself, for your own benefit and for your own satisfaction. Screw anyone else. 1
BetheButterfly Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 My BF of 3 years, we recently purchased a house together were discussing marriage.. and he made the comment about getting married when I lose weight. I'm the same weight give or take 5 pounds since we started dating. I am trying to lose weight for myself not him, but that comment just made me feel like I wasnt worthy of marriage until I lost weight He was married before for 20 years, and his last X wife gained alot of weight... They grew apart, he fell out of love with her. Marriage includes compromise: not either person controlling or manipulating the other. You and your fiance need to have a serious talk, and it'd be good if you let him know how his comment made you feel. My husband is a health freak. I am not, yet out of love and care for both myself and him, I decide to take care of my diet and to work out. My husband told me before we got married that he doesn't want a fat wife. Now, while some people would understandably take offense to that, I understand. I wouldn't want to be married to a fat guy either, though weight isn't as big of an issue with me as it is with him. So, please consider if you are willing to take vigilant care of your weight. If you are willing, I think it'd be good to simply let him know the comment hurt you, but you are serious about losing weight. If that damages your self-esteem however, I think it'd be good to reconsider making a commitment to a man who obviously wants a physically fit wife. I don't mean to be harsh or mean. Again, my hubby is extremely into fitness, and I willingly decided to take care of my weight first for my own well being, and second, for my husband's pleasure. Turning him on thrills me more than eating more than I should, anyways!
Nyla Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 My BF of 3 years, we recently purchased a house together were discussing marriage.. and he made the comment about getting married when I lose weight. I'm the same weight give or take 5 pounds since we started dating. I am trying to lose weight for myself not him, but that comment just made me feel like I wasnt worthy of marriage until I lost weight He was married before for 20 years, and his last X wife gained alot of weight... They grew apart, he fell out of love with her. I wouldn't marry someone who said that I was not good enough to marry him just as I was. What happens if you have children and you can't lose the weight fast enough for him? Will he divorce you for that reason like he threw away 20 years of marriage because of weight gain? Physical attraction is important in a marriage, but it sounds like this man is ruled by appearance and trying to make partners feel small. If he is this hurtful over FIVE POUNDS, imagine what would happen if you gain more than that. This man is not husband material. My husband and I have both gained far more than five pounds since we got married. Thank God we still find each other sexy. My husband is always talking about my "curves that won't quit." I once dated a man who blamed his erectile dysfunction on me. He said he couldn't get it up because my stomach was too fat. He was nothing but an inadequate limp dick who loved to blame others. A real man doesn't need to put down a lover to make themselves feel better.
xxoo Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 You are essentially the same weight as you were when you started dating. Does this mean he wants you to be significantly thinner than you were when he began dating you? Why did he start dating you in the first place if your weight is an issue for him? 3
Author keyzer47 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Yes, I am basically the same weight. I wear a size 12, and am 5'8". It is the heaviest I have been in my life, so I would like to get 20 pounds off. I am always trying to lose weight, and he is supportive but just dont know if I will ever marry him now because of that comment. I want someone to love me unconditionally
MidwestUSA Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Yes, I am basically the same weight. I wear a size 12, and am 5'8". It is the heaviest I have been in my life, so I would like to get 20 pounds off. I am always trying to lose weight, and he is supportive but just dont know if I will ever marry him now because of that comment. I want someone to love me unconditionally And you deserve that! A marriage proposal shouldn't come with conditions. I'm so sorry, that's not the way a proposal should be.
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