Dubler Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 What do you do when your ex won't give you closure? We've been split about a month and a 1/2 now and I ideally want to get back together with her. We were together for about 7 months and I genuinely believe she is the one. We had our differences but nothing huge. I know the love is there. I've only tried to contact her a few times so no stalking/blowing up her phone. In my final message to her I laid out where I had gone wrong, lack of romance/initiative and other really minor things and said I could change and that I wanted another chance. But I did say she must of course do what makes her happy and if this wasn't me then I hoped she found someone who did. My main hang up is that in the last line of my message I said 'Can we meet? This seems like a waste to me, I know you still have feelings for me.' To this I received no reply? Surely that last line just screams to be answered. If she wanted nothing me to do with me, which is what her behaviour suggests, then why not just say 'I don't' or 'I did but I don't now'. To not answer is in a weird way making me hang on. I just wanna be told to ***k off if you get me? So I know there is no hope of reconciliation, at the moment I feel in limbo. Anyone else been in this situation
SimonSerenade Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Hey dude, like you it's been 6 weeks since she left, I wanted closure too but none of my questions were answered, I've been ignored since the day she left me, eventually it fades away, you have to accept it for yourself that it's over, I think closure for me was her friend ringing me and telling me she gave away the gifts I sent her after the break up, at that point I cracked and I said **** this!, mr nice guy doesn't exist anymore, since then I've got on with my life and I'd say I'm nearly over it.
Author Dubler Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I wish it was that easy for me. I think it's the last conversation that I'm struggling with. Like I said I basically said to her 'I know you still have feelings for me' which basically says 'tell me you don't and let me go or lets talk'? I can't get around how that was answered? If someone said that to me there's no way I would just leave them hanging? She must know that's gonna make me hang on?
SimonSerenade Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 That's very selfish of her to leave you hanging but that should be your answer, if she wanted to let her feelings known she would but her silence tells you to move on, try not to think about it and don't wait around, I know it's easier said than done but right now you can't do right from wrong and that's just how it is, better to leave it alone and give yourself your own answer from her actions.
Babolat Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Closure is over rated; you have your closure, the relationship is over, she did not respond to your last text..what else does one need? You should move on.
Waz Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Anyone else been in this situationI was. Just right before the "final talk" (you know the one when you hear the bad news ) . And Babolat is right. There is no closure. All is in your mind. Because for now you are emotionally vulnerable and you can't see a thing. You need to calm down, and again to calm down and get over it, so after some time, when you'll try to figure out what went wrong, you could think about it with an objective approach. Like a third person. Then, you can have your closure on your own, you can understand what went wrong. No one wants to be told to fck off. Obviously, she had feelings, more or less. Think of yourself (irrelevant with the whole situation, but you'll understand): If you had a relationship with someone you hadn't feelings for anymore, and you broke up with that person, but that person kept going buggin you, would you tell them to fck off, just to stop them? You couldn't do it, you wouldn't feel it right. Now think of that: If she told you to fack off, and you moved on, and after a long time, with a new girlfriend (let's say your 30th one ) when you looked back at this specific relationship and the way things came to an end, would you still be satisfied thinking that this story ended when she told you to fck off? I guess not, you would think that she really didn't care and you would hold hard feelings without reason (well in this situation you would have reasons to be angry ) So calm down, and let time do the work.
Ordinaryday Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Closure comes from within, not from other people. no matter what your ex says, it will just lead to more questions, and even if she answers them as well, they will just lead to MORE questions. closure is reaching the point of not bothering to ask the questions or caring what the answer is.
mplates Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I've been chasing closure with my ex for 4 months now and i've accepted that it will probably never come. I need to find closure within myself. Don't go seeking the '**** off' from her. Turn around, walk away and get busy! Sounds like she might be a bit flakey. My recent ex kept is flakey, would muck me around and in the end i laid it out; I told how i felt, what i wanted and ONLY to contact me if she wanted the same thing/s. She came back with a message saying "blah blah...i'll call you tonight..." and then that night she messaged saying "blah blah...i'll call you on the weekend..." to which i replied "Don't bother". Point being that flakey chicks won't come out and tell you to 'go away, no more' they'll dance around it because they don't have the guts to come out and say it. Sometimes even if you give them a easy way out they still dance around like a fairy so the decision is yours as to whether you continue playing this silly game or shut it down... My advice; get busy and let her come to you. When/If she does contact you, act cool, make a time to catch up, show her a good time and make her feel comfortable. Don't talk about serious stuff unless she starts bringing it up just have fun!
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