Author Baby123 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I left my exH several months into the A. dMM went back and forth for months--even years-- until it finally "stuck" about two years into it. He and his BS are "civil", I guess, but really have little contact except about the kids, who are old enough at 13 and 11 to speak to him directly about scheduling, etc. dMM and I are at a standstill. And today I am very very angry with his behavior (see my other post). But should we ever decide to move forward, it would be very slowly and from a distance (we live nearly 4 hours apart). Right now, though, I don't even see a future with him. Too angry. I do hope you feel better soon... I read your through your threads and think dMM had a very silly moment, but we all have them, what he said wasn't overtly vindictive or cruel but does maybe show he expects you to jump through hoops for him. I think B is just mr right now and you and dmm should take things slow, but I believe you can get to a point you guys can have a great relationship- theres obviously a lot of love their- maybe just a lot of work too.
I Miss the Kiss Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I read your through your threads and think dMM had a very silly moment, but we all have them, what he said wasn't overtly vindictive or cruel but does maybe show he expects you to jump through hoops for him. I think B is just mr right now and you and dmm should take things slow, but I believe you can get to a point you guys can have a great relationship- there's obviously a lot of love their- maybe just a lot of work too. "Mr Right Now" might just be the exact words I was looking for. I don't want B to be that man. He isn't perfect, but he doesn't deserve that. He had a very messy divorce with a wife who cheated on him with three different men, then left with the last one and is going to marry him (4 years later). So B has trust issues that began way before I came along. I am sure I haven't helped that, but nonetheless... He does deserve someone who loves him like crazy. I fel like I love him as a friend like crazy, as a habit like crazy, as someone I admire like crazy. But that might be all I know dMM had a silly moment, and believe me I have had so many of my own. I keep reading into it... "He wouldn't have asked me up there if he didn't want me there". But of COURSE he wanted me there! He would've gotten sex from it! I am NOT saying he doesn't love me. I know he does. But where is the respect? He had just spent three weeks telling me to work on myself and separate from B so we could figure out where to go from there. I don't hate him for asking me to come up there, but I am taking pause from it. I let him know that I was not "that girl" and he could at least be respectful if he was missing me and wanted me there, not just saying (and I quote), "I wanna f***!" My emotions are everywhere...
Author Baby123 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 (edited) It definatly sounds like you need to set B free even if you have to be cruel to be kind. He will find real love, he needs the chance. I think dMM got drunk and carried away. It is SO annoying to be getting drunk messeges and drunk booty calls but I don't think he meant anything bad by it, maybe because hes finally single he wants to be able to be spontaneous again- give him a chance. Maybe he just had an overpouring of feelings when he was drunk- maybe he wanted you emotionally but felt silly asking that. That along with horniess and alcohol probably is what led to his outburst. Trust your instincts, make sure you don't put yourself so out there that your hurt. Edited July 19, 2013 by Baby123
I Miss the Kiss Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 It definatly sounds like you need to set B free even if you have to be cruel to be kind. He will find real love, he needs the chance. I think dMM got drunk and carried away. It is SO annoying to be getting drunk messeges and drunk booty calls but I don't think he meant anything bad by it, maybe because hes finally single he wants to be able to be spontaneous again- give him a chance. Maybe he just had an overpouring of feelings when he was drunk- maybe he wanted you emotionally but felt silly asking that. That along with horniess and alcohol probably is what led to his outburst. Trust your instincts, make sure you don't put yourself so out there that your hurt. I think you are right. I was trying to figure out how to put in words what I think was happening with him that night, but you hit the nail on the head. You are absolutely right about the "finally being single" part. His exW was very reserved, he is not at all. She would get angry with him if he tried to be spontaneous or if he said anything "adult" to her in front of friends, etc. His friends told him "She should have married a preacher and you should've married a stripper..." They did not mean anything bad by that, but it pretty much sums up the difference in their social and sexual personalities. So yes, dMM is now free to be who he is, of sorts, and that includes drunk booty calls, I guess. But that doesn't mean I have to jump when he calls. I used to. It was ridiculous how many times I drove up there late at night, but it was because I wanted to, not because he asked me to. I am not as upset with the booty call as I am the fact he totally disappeared afterward. Not to mention his comment "What do you want from me? I gave you the opportunity..." THAT is what really gets me.
Author Baby123 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I think you are right. I was trying to figure out how to put in words what I think was happening with him that night, but you hit the nail on the head. You are absolutely right about the "finally being single" part. His exW was very reserved, he is not at all. She would get angry with him if he tried to be spontaneous or if he said anything "adult" to her in front of friends, etc. His friends told him "She should have married a preacher and you should've married a stripper..." They did not mean anything bad by that, but it pretty much sums up the difference in their social and sexual personalities. So yes, dMM is now free to be who he is, of sorts, and that includes drunk booty calls, I guess. But that doesn't mean I have to jump when he calls. I used to. It was ridiculous how many times I drove up there late at night, but it was because I wanted to, not because he asked me to. I am not as upset with the booty call as I am the fact he totally disappeared afterward. Not to mention his comment "What do you want from me? I gave you the opportunity..." THAT is what really gets me. I think what he meant from that is he is confused by what you want, do you want him or B. He has given the opportunity to you to have a r by giving up his M or maybe he just means to see eachother and reconnect. Its silly to over analyse the words of a drunk person, I think he was drunk, and you were what he was thinking about when he was drunk, as gf and as a sexual partner. It isn't a crime to get drunk and horny. Don't judge him to harshly. It is so so annoying to be sober and to be dealing with a drunk person though so I completely empathise.
Archanaart Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I think it's time you woman up and take control of your actions and be held accountable. You chose this type of relationship now move on, learn from it and become stronger.
Author Baby123 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 It probably is- but after all me and Mm have been through I wanna give it one last chance. He's single, I am, and we seemed to have stopped the arguments
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