Sgt. Pepper Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 In May I got out of a 13 month relationship.... It was a passionate relationship. We moved very very fast....Within two weeks we wanted to get married and within 4 months we were living together....I'd never been in such an intense relationship before. I suppose I began to take her for granted...Unknowingly, I just...put so much of myself in her, my conception of the future, my self worth...I just accepted her presence as a fact of life, in a sense. She met me at probably the lowest point in my life....I've been crippled by a dependency on a medication. Our core personalities clicked immensely... We loved all the same things and we seemed bonded and connected in the most amazing ways....I'd say what she was thinking, just as she was thinking it, and vice versa...We were able to make each other laugh like no other.....We had an amazing, deep bond...We tried to have a child numerous times and hoped for one and dreamed of what it would look like. It was a very intense affair. She had a little "shrine" of sorts dedicated to me in her room, with framed pictures and a collage of pictures of me in another frame on her desk.... Then the bad entered. The medication crippled me, made me a shell of myself, made me act not like myself...Made me like a zombie, incredibly lazy, she had to pull all the weight in the relationship, even basic things like washing the laundry or cooking she did alone while I was zonked out on the medication staring at the computer like an idiot. I didn't mean to be this way--It's a long story.... But that combined with a lot of other factors made her resent me, and I resented her for some things on her end (she was very very insecure from the beginning of the relationship and had me delete all female friends)....It just became toxic and she began to become physically abusive--hitting, punching--and spitting in my face. As a result of the toxicity, I did something I never thought I'd do: In March, I had a dalliance for one night through text with a girl who lived 200 miles away, who I never met before. I'm against cheating and it goes against everything I believe in, yet I did it for that night...She discovered the texts the next morning and moved out..... I fought for us to come back together, and we did....And then the next month, in April, in the midst of a fight, in front of her mother, she punched me in the neck....And her mother (who was like the third person in our relationship--my ex depends on her mother's approval and input emotionally; If her mom says jump, she'd ask how high) declared us over..... Now, I fought for us to remain together, because even despite that, I loved her, and love her still. We didn't break up and stayed together...... In the end, she just got tired of "the dishonesty" on my part and all the baggage and felt she was living like an old lady at 21 and whatnot and left in a very bitter, nasty way..... Within two weeks, she was (and is) dating a 40 year old man who had tried to get with her even before we broke up. He told her he had "magic in his eyes" when he saw her...... Everytime we've talked, it's been very bitter. Apparently, the thought of me enrages her, makes her angry and want to feel violent, yet she claims indifference. Yet at the same time less than a week ago, she went on for an hour with weird, random texts, and gloating about a "hot older man" taking her and justifying older men dating younger women with talk about celebrities...."What did Robert plant...G or seeds?" (her name begins with a G). It's just a very weird, ugly, sad situation, because at our best, before all the darkness entered, we had a connection like no other, her family loved me like a son, she was obsessively in love with me and viewed me as her husband, we just were like, two of a kind, I can't even explain it...It was beautiful and even her mother admitted how beautiful it was before the problems began. And my ex said something to her mother about how much we clicked and she said to her mother "And he ruined it...*******." I've kicked the medication and fixed pretty much all the flaws that led to her exit, on my end....And while I still want her, and still love her, I'm pursuing women, and I figure if she's going to go younger, I'm going to go younger and have been talking to girls who are 18-19 (I'm 22)....She wants to brag to me about a "hot older man taking her"....I'd like to be around a hot younger woman.... I just feel a weird range of emotions, but my ego is in tatters that she left me for a middle aged man, who sounds sleazy with his "magic in his eyes" line......
itto ogami Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 She will drop this older man within months if not weeks. She's young and looking for experience. Eventually she'll want somebody on her maturity level. You are too mature for her now and that's good.
Author Sgt. Pepper Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Anyone else??? I keep sending her apologetic texts, nostalgic texts...sometimes she replies, rarely...I have other women who want me, women who want me bad, who are catching feelings for me, but I feel like she was the one.
Echo000 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 if she was the one..she will be the one in the future as well. I honestly suggest seeing what else is out there, and exploring. Because she is doing the same exact thing right now, so why should you just sit at home? And stop with the texts, she needs to know that you are a valuable person and not someone whose presence should be taken for granted. She will just assume you will always be around, even as she is with other men.
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