forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I would appreciate some feedback here: I met a guy online 3 weeks ago. We shared some emails for about 3 days. I told him I'm not looking anything serious at the moment, and he told me neither did he, as he just got separated from his wife. We arranged to meet the next week, but he disappeared. Two weeks had passed and today he emailed me. He apologized for the silence, and he told me he was seeing another woman, but things didn't worked. I replied that it was a surprise to receive his email, and that I was curious to know what has happened with the other lady. He told me they didn't click emotionally and sexually and that she wanted to commit very quickly. How should I respond? I like him very much, and he's totally my type (I'm just trying to forget someone else, and this guy just makes me feel like is the perfect one to help me to forget the other) I'm not looking for something serious, as I don;t think I'm ready yet, he seems to feel the same, but I'm afraid he'll disappear on me as I wasn't his first option in the first place...
Tinie Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Go on a date with him. You have nothing to lose anyway. So you weren't his first option, but you're still an option. He's trying different things to see what works for him. That other girl didn't but you might. It's difficult to tell who is going to be compatible so early on.
phineas Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 OP, you've never had to choose between two guys before? You've never picked the wrong one, realized it & went with the other one before? Every woman I've met who wanted to get with me quickly was very aggressive, flirty (sometimes sexually) & pretty much chased me. From a guys point of view that's awsome & given equal amounts of attraction i'd go with the one chasing me VS. the one I had to chase. It's a no brainer for a guy given the state of OLD. 1
soccerrprp Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I would simply say- "stay away." You say that he just "separated" from his wife? So, he's still married??? 3
Emilia Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I like him very much, and he's totally my type (I'm just trying to forget someone else, and this guy just makes me feel like is the perfect one to help me to forget the other) Um, you've never actually met so how do you know? 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I wouldn't worry about being "the first option" to someone I have e-mailed for 3 days with. In OLD, I take none of what happens before the meeting seriously. To be honest, when I exchange numbers with someone and he doesn't text/call when he says, I barely notice. Because it doesn't bother me, I am open to going on a date even if it's few weeks later. Now if I was dating someone and he disappeared like that, it would be a different story (i.e. he would be dumped). 1
Zahara Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 You shared emails and you like him very much? You cling on the first man that you feel will be able to rescue you. Just like the one before this whereby you only corresponded for a couple of days and had to post because you were upset and confused about his interest in you. You'll never learn a thing if you keep looking for men to make you feel better about yourself. Take break from guys. Heal. Be alone. Feel your pain. Learn from your mistakes. Reflect. Focus on yourself. And if you already like this one so much, there is no way you can limit it to "nothing serious". 3
Chief Wiggum Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Well, seeing as though you're not looking for anything serious, then what exactly are you afraid of with this guy? If he leaves you stranded again, then it's no big deal. It's just a fling to help you get over someone else. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Well, seeing as though you're not looking for anything serious, then what exactly are you afraid of with this guy? If he leaves you stranded again, then it's no big deal. It's just a fling to help you get over someone else. Exactly. She is not looking for anything serious yet she obsesses after few emails...
Leegh Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Since you have never met him I don't think you can say you were not his first option. Communicating on-line with someone is not at all the same as seeing them face to face. I would give the guy a chance, possibly show that you are interested in meeting, but let him take the initiative. A good way to do that is to say "Gee, I'd love it if you asked me out". That way he knows you are interested, and it doesn't sound too pushy. Above all, do not have sex with him early on, as men do not bond through sex, and there are so many diseases going around. Perhaps there was even no other woman, as sometimes people tell white lies, and to why they haven't called. Two weeks is not a long time for a guy not to call. I've had guys call me several months after meeting. 1
Chief Wiggum Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Exactly. She is not looking for anything serious yet she obsesses after few emails... She may not realise it, but she might be similar to the 1st option -- the one that wanted to commit too quickly -- this guy just walked away from. I don't think the OP is cut out for this non-serious relationship thing. Especially if, like you say, she obsesses after just a few emails.
ascendotum Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Um, you've never actually met so how do you know? Guess why...coz he's hot looking. You know how you get that 'amazing chemistry' when the person you are interested is good looking well you don't need to meet them in person these days to get that feeling. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Guess why...coz he's hot looking. You know how you get that 'amazing chemistry' when the person you are interested is good looking well you don't need to meet them in person these days to get that feeling. Well, it can happen but not after exchanging 3 emails
ascendotum Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 She may not realise it, but she might be similar to the 1st option -- the one that wanted to commit too quickly -- this guy just walked away from. I don't think the OP is cut out for this non-serious relationship thing. Especially if, like you say, she obsesses after just a few emails. I'd say she should follow up and have a date and see how things go. If she is not looking for anything serious then I don't know if it really matters he fancied someone more. So many people who go on dates with OLD are not people's first options. How many people both strike gold at at the same time. At the same time I tend to agree with you..when she talks about the 'perfect one'. You worry about that when you want serious relationship, unless she secretly wants this to go that way after she's bonded with him.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I would simply say- "stay away." You say that he just "separated" from his wife? So, he's still married??? Yes, still married I suppose since she cheated on him last month...
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Um, you've never actually met so how do you know? I like the way we communicate and his physical appearance...
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 You shared emails and you like him very much? You cling on the first man that you feel will be able to rescue you. Just like the one before this whereby you only corresponded for a couple of days and had to post because you were upset and confused about his interest in you. You'll never learn a thing if you keep looking for men to make you feel better about yourself. Take break from guys. Heal. Be alone. Feel your pain. Learn from your mistakes. Reflect. Focus on yourself. And if you already like this one so much, there is no way you can limit it to "nothing serious". Ugh you are the voice of my conscience, huh? Truth. And I'm already feeling anxious...
Drseussgrrl Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Hooking up with a married man from OLD is the very worst thing you can do if you're trying to break the pattern of falling for men who aren't that into you. Just don't. 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 No email so far today, and I'll let it flow. I guess he was still unsure about his "first option", so he's testing the waters. Last night I asked him, teasing him, if he was going to disappear again, he replied no, but who knows...I wont get obsessed this time, and I wont chase!!
Sunshine87 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Forgetmenot You are NOt caught out for casual relationships when you are "in like" or "in love" with the guys in question.
BradJacobs Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I like the way we communicate and his physical appearance... Your online persona is attracted to his online persona. Reality may yield different results. 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Hooking up with a married man from OLD is the very worst thing you can do if you're trying to break the pattern of falling for men who aren't that into you. Just don't. Oh, he's separated!
Drseussgrrl Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Oh, he's separated! Yep like I said - MARRIED. I'll bet his wife doesn't even know they're "separated." 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Oh yes, she knows. They are not living together anymore.
sabre80 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 You may not necessarily be his 'second' choice. It could have just been a timing thing. I had been on 2 dates with my current girlfriend by the time I met girl B. However date with Girl B was scheduled before I had met my girlfriend. I decided after three dates with my girlfriend that it was time to really focus on her. I let girl B know. Had date 3 gone bad I would have totally asked girl B on more dates. Timing really. But luckily for me date 3 was awesome.
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