Tina747 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I just met a guy I really like and we went on date last Saturday and I had a wonderful time. He just texted me asking me to dinner Wednesday evening (even set the time he would come up - it sounded very definite) and I almost immediately texted back "that sounded wonderful". He then texted back... "ok, lets make it tentative and I'll let you know if anything comes up" ... I don't know why, but something makes me want to ask... why wouldn't he state to begin with it was tentative?....(and now I gave him a definite yes) so now it's flexible for him and not for me?
WearyWanderer Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Is that exactly what he wrote? As in, if something better pops up he'll opt to do that instead? If it were something out of his control, such as having to go to work, I could understand. What does he do for work? Does he have children that he might have to take care of, possibly on short notice? If it's a matter of him finding a better social option, I wouldn't wait. You deserve better. 1
clia Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I would say "Okay, but please let me know by Monday so I can make alternative plans for Wednesday evening if it won't work for you." I don't get the "tentative" thing either, but you don't want to be left wondering at the last minute whether you have plans with him or not. It does sound like he's putting you on the back burner. 4
Author Tina747 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Is that exactly what he wrote? As in, if something better pops up he'll opt to do that instead? If it were something out of his control, such as having to go to work, I could understand. What does he do for work? Does he have children that he might have to take care of, possibly on short notice? QUOTE] He works in Finance but I think it is pretty much 9 to 5... I don't think he works a lot of over time but then again I don't know him that long... he does have an 18 year old who lives at home and a 17 year old who stays with him part time (dual custody).
WearyWanderer Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I agree with clia's advice. It gives him the benefit of the doubt and prevents you from having to wait last minute. Good luck! 1
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I would say "Okay, but please let me know by Monday so I can make alternative plans for Wednesday evening if it won't work for you." I might be a bit more passive aggressive ... Like Tentative? Oh sorry I thought you wanted to go out Wednesday, we can do it some other time if you are busy. Why don't you give me a ring when your schedule frees up. Have a lovely week! :rolleyes: 1
hellischrome Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Maybe just wait a bit next time You know how guys are!
soccerrprp Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 My response would have been: "Okay, let's make it a date. I'll let you know if anything changes." NOT "Let's make it 'tentative'....." Huh? Even as a guy, that is puzzling and certainly not strictly a guy-thing...perhaps he's been in the finance world too long and is using business-type lingo in his dating. 2
Author Tina747 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Maybe just wait a bit next time You know how guys are! Thank you hellischrome... Do you mean I said yes to quickly to the date... should have waited a couple of hours to respond? Or should have not agreed to a second date so soon after the first? I was worried that I sounded too enthusiastic by responding yes so quickly
soccerrprp Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Maybe just wait a bit next time You know how guys are! I wasn't going to respond to this, but after OP's recent queries, I say....RUBBISH. I'm a guy, so tell me, how are guys? Let get away this chasing bull-bologna. Not all guys, I would wager to say, most, are not into chasing if they don't have to. These mind games are so silly and not at all my experience. Gag...
soccerrprp Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Thank you hellischrome... Do you mean I said yes to quickly to the date... should have waited a couple of hours to respond? Or should have not agreed to a second date so soon after the first? I was worried that I sounded too enthusiastic by responding yes so quickly Don't start playing games, please. You responded as you wanted and he sounded very receptive, albeit, oddly, to your response.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 (edited) The phrasing wasn't professional phrasing it was evasive non committal, I wanna leave myself an out phrasing. Just need to give him negative reinforcement for that nonsense (oh no you did not just say that crapola to me mister). The nice clia way or the mean itis way or some other way. Totally off topic, but autocorrect turned crapola into carpool. Too funny. Edited July 8, 2013 by It-is-what-it-is. Punctuation
hellischrome Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Oh oh, calm down hey? I said you know how guys are just because guys sometimes do it. Full stop. And being a girl I know much more about other guys than you guys do. It's just obvious that the guy is playing a bit, or got pushed away when she said yes so soon. I am not saying she has to start play games too - it's something I personally hate - , I am just saying she should get to know the guy and his reactions first. That's it.
Archgirl Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Text him saying "something just came up. Let me know when you're definitely free" Whatta dick
bubbaganoosh Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 What I would do is not be there when he shows up. If he calls or texts (which he would) I would say woops my bad. I'm a guy and when I ask a girl out on a second date and she says yes, it's because I enjoyed the first date and if all goes well, then a third. You don't let someone hang like that.
D-Lish Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Thank you hellischrome... Do you mean I said yes to quickly to the date... should have waited a couple of hours to respond? Or should have not agreed to a second date so soon after the first? I was worried that I sounded too enthusiastic by responding yes so quickly No way, it wasn't too enthusiastic- he asked!
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 "ok, lets make it tentative and I'll let you know if anything comes up" ... The only times I've heard this from guys is when they ended up cancelling/not showing up. One time a guy suggested getting together on a specific day but asked to make it tentative, then when that day came, he waited until 8pm to message me to ask if we can leave it for "some other time". It's just rude and inconsiderate and gives that person all the control for calling the shots. Besides, it means they are probably not that interested in seeing you. When you get back to this guy, if at all, make sure to tell him he needs to let you know a day or two in advance.
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