Boyfriend asks for a few days of space but still messaging me

[WearyWanderer]

Things have been rough, and we had a long discussion yesterday morning which ended in us deciding to take a few days apart. This was his choice, and I agreed. I am taking this time to think about the relationship too. I thought this meant we would not speak until a few days had passed. That's what I was intending to do.

 

But... he messaged me last night to ask how my day was. I answered, saying that it was good and that I hope his was too. I did not ask any questions. He replied that he had actually been a little lonely. I wrote back saying that I was sorry he felt lonely and that I had missed him at the gathering he was supposed to go to with me. I told him I was going to bed, goodnight.

 

Today, I spent the day with a friend. We had a great time. I just got home and am unwinding when another message comes in. He is cooking something that we always cook together and it is reminding him of me. I have not responded.

 

What is going on here? I am not into game playing so am trying not to think of this as a power game. But really, HE wanted a few days of space.

Edited July 7, 2013 by WearyWanderer

[leafguy]

Let him come to you. He's the one that wanted the space and the best thing you can do is show him you are going on without him.

 

Im in a situation (if you haven't read my other posts) where my gf/fiancee of 5 years broke up with me on Friday. Wont bore you with the details, but I wanted NC to start healing and before the weekend was over, she texted this afternoon to ask if I was ok because she had not heard from me in 2 days.

 

I responded saying I was open to talking if she wanted to discuss things and that my head was still a bit messed. She said she should have listened and apologized for texting me. Im 6 hours past that and I feel alot better knowing shes not taking it as easily as I thought she would.

 

For me it's not so much a power thing, its knowing that even though she is the one that ended it, its the fact she is as miserable as I am. I honestly do wish her all the happiness in the world, but I am happy knowing that she is heart broken as well.

 

I did break the NC to email her again tonight to tell her my feelings and why I wanted NC to begin with and that I was working on myself. I also have all her belongings cleared out and hidden by my mother so that all reminders are out of sight.

 

Sorry to ramble / vent, but the point is...show him you are capable on your own. Just be sort of mysterious. If he asks you what you did, just say you went out. No details. He will come running back in a hurry when he realizes you are ok without him.

[WearyWanderer]

It's been a few hours and I haven't responded.

 

It seems unfair of him to ask for space and then message me last night about being lonely, and tonight about how he's thinking of me. Especially since he is taking this time to determine if we are going to continue the relationship. To contact me with these messages is offering false hope. I don't want it.

 

He is a very open, emotional and sensitive guy, and I do not think he is playing games. I just think he isn't sure what choice to make, and he is missing me (the attachment to me). I am sure a part of him is scared by the thought of ending things, and he might be wondering what I'm doing/thinking, so he is reaching out.

[WearyWanderer]

@leafguy, I totally relate to the slight relief experienced when you find out an ex (the dumper) is having a hard time with the separation. I've been there. For my current situation though, we are separated (yet), we're supposed to talk on Wednesday and decide that. And, I know for a fact we'd both be upset if it ended. If nothing else, I'm grateful for the communication and honesty we've had throughout the relationship.

[leafguy]

My advice on the situation is then text him on Tuesday night or wednesday morning and ask him when he wants to chat. Ignore him until then.