writergal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 You're the only one besides a brand new troller who things this way in this thread. Everyone else thinks it's because she confessed that she's falling in love with him and thinks her feelings for him are stronger than his for her. Take care. Yeah, well she did that confession while really drunk! No one sober would do that. So I stick to my answer: her drunk behavior caused this guy to leave. I highly doubt she would have confessed her strong feelings to him sober. And if she did, he'd still flee. But alcohol is the reason here. And Jon70 is not a troll just because you disagree with his post and he gave a straightforward, insightful answer that I happen to agree with. He's a new poster with an opinion. That's all and should be treated with respect whether or not you agree with him.
Author ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Going forward. Do you remember what you told him? Do you think it is too much for the time you both were dating? If he expressed the same thing - would you have been freaked out? Were you in fact.. moving too fast? I remember telling him I quite liked him and it was really nice .. By no means did I profess undying love.. I don't think it was that much considering .. I was by no means confrontational as it would def not be in my nature .. I was very tipsy and merry but this guy doesn't drink so I think it changed his perception of me which is all .. 1
writergal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Yes but her drunken behavior is her true feelings in the situation. How she told him really makes no difference. No, how she told him makes all the difference. Guys get scared off by girls who are drunk. It's too much drama to deal with. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 (edited) Yeah, well she did that confession while really drunk! No one sober would do that. Sure they would. I've known many to tell a guy they think they like him more than he likes them. I'm one of them! I've done it sober, and watched the guy run for the hills! But alcohol is the reason here. So, if he was before you, right now, and you asked him why he dumped her, you're saying his response would be: "I dumped her because she was drunk. Gross." Or, would it be: "I dumped her because she confessed falling in love with me and thinking her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her. And she was right." Really? Really? You think it's the fact she got drunk that was the dealbreaker? You think if she'd been drunk and not made that confession, he'd still have ended things? That he just didn't like a tipsy woman? Edited July 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
writergal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I remember telling him I quite liked him and it was really nice .. By no means did I profess undying love.. I don't think it was that much considering .. I was by no means confrontational as it would def not be in my nature .. I was very tipsy and merry but this guy doesn't drink so I think it changed his perception of me which is all .. Drunk is often equated with confrontational behavior, even if its the form of professing your strong feelings for a guy who doesn't drink (and may not approve of it for all you know). Very tipsy and merry is still drunk. I'm sure you getting drunk (tipsy is drunk, be honest) with him being sober was not something he enjoyed, and it probably did change his perception of you. He probably assumed you'd act like this again in the future. Some guys don't like that, esp. ones who don't drink. And if you feel bad about your behavior and embarrassed then maybe you should be more careful the next time you go out on dates with guys. Drunk girls (tipsy too) do and say things to embarrass themselves and the people they are with. They are not fun to be around either.
SmileFace Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I remember telling him I quite liked him and it was really nice .. By no means did I profess undying love.. I don't think it was that much considering .. I was by no means confrontational as it would def not be in my nature .. I was very tipsy and merry but this guy doesn't drink so I think it changed his perception of me which is all .. Ok, great So he didn't feel the same way and he ended it. It will happened either way. Time to move on. Better this happened sooner than later. It would have had the same outcome if you had "the talk". 1
KatZee Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 No, how she told him makes all the difference. Guys get scared off by girls who are drunk. It's too much drama to deal with. If she had gotten drunk on the first date and done this, absolutely. Not after 7 dates. 7 dates is more than enough time for a guy to know if he's into a girl LIKE THAT or not. If he was truly into her this situation wouldn't have made or broken what they were starting. He just would have seen the drunk side of her. He would have realized that she's a great person for the entire time thus far, she had one too many got drunk and that would be the end of it. As long as the OP wasn't getting drunk on every meeting together, there really isn't an issue here. Unless this guy is a super prude and so offended by drunk people. She didn't even make a mess of herself, puke, strip, or do something stupid. She blurted out her feelings for him. THAT'S why he ran. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I remember telling him I quite liked him and it was really nice .. By no means did I profess undying love.. I don't think it was that much considering .. Previously, you said: ...it came across as too much and that I must be falling in love with him If you change your story, no one can help you. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 No, how she told him makes all the difference. Guys get scared off by girls who are drunk. It's too much drama to deal with. I think you just don't like women and like to make them feel bad about their choices and mistakes and want to shove responsibility down their throat. Here, in your eyes, it's all her fault. She's "drama."
KatZee Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 OP... the guy I'm dating does not drink. He hasn't had a drink in two years. I myself, drink. The night we met, we had a great time. Talking, dancing, laughing, etc etc. Him and his buddy kept buying my friend and I drinks. Needless to say, by the end of the night I was "happy." Obviously drunk. He asked me out on our first date 45 minutes later. 5 weeks later we're still dating. He doesn't judge me for the fact I was a bit tipsy. And in all honesty, if this guy's impression of you HAS changed so drastically after all this time, and he's judging you so harshly, he's not a guy you want to be with anyway. 2
Author ellie10 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Previously, you said: If you change your story, no one can help you. Never once said to him I loved him it would take a lot for me to say that to anyone but I've said I really liked him .. But I honestly don't think that's what it was ..
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I don't believe it's unreasonable for her drunken behavior to have been a surprise or even a turn-off, that may have given some thoughts about compatibility over her behavior but that is a very unusual response and his choice of words and finality of it all seemed very conscious instead of reactive considering they've already been on quite number of dates. He could have said a number of things like "let's not talk about this right now". I think he felt the pressure and expectations out this and decided to move on since she was transparent about her feelings as he did not ultimately feel the same...to just walk away, is a pretty strong statement...one that would transcend words if it were me....I wouldn't even give him a chance if he wanted it, not with someone who runs away that easily and with that level of communication...if. we're in her shoes, even if the problem was her drinking or partly. 2
SJC2008 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I'm having a hard time understanding the context of what/how you told him. What exactly did you say?
Author ellie10 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 OP... the guy I'm dating does not drink. He hasn't had a drink in two years. I myself, drink. The night we met, we had a great time. Talking, dancing, laughing, etc etc. Him and his buddy kept buying my friend and I drinks. Needless to say, by the end of the night I was "happy." Obviously drunk. He asked me out on our first date 45 minutes later. 5 weeks later we're still dating. He doesn't judge me for the fact I was a bit tipsy. And in all honesty, if this guy's impression of you HAS changed so drastically after all this time, and he's judging you so harshly, he's not a guy you want to be with anyway. My best friend said something to this effect .. That its not as if I was so drunk I had to be put to bed I was ' happy ' and talked too much and was louder than usual .. When I'm normally very reserved.. She said everyone lets their hair down every now n again but I can't help but feel I let myself down and ruined a good thing before it started
writergal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Sure they would. I've known many to tell a guy they think they like him more than he likes them. I'm one of them! I've done it sober, and watched the guy run for the hills! So, if he was before you, right now, and you asked him why he dumped her, you're saying his response would be: "I dumped her because she was drunk. Gross." Or, would it be: "I dumped her because she confessed falling in love with me and thinking her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her. And she was right." Really? Really? You think it's the fact she got drunk that was the dealbreaker? You think if she'd been drunk and not made that confession, he'd still have ended things? That he just didn't like a tipsy woman? Read his first 10-15 posts where he was posting to distract. He joined today. I didn't read the poster Jon70's other posts and I don't really follow the whole "this is what an internet troll" does. I don't think his posts done here were to distract. I think they were honest and I happened to agree with him. And yes, I still think this guy dumped her because she had been drinking too much. I think what put the guy over the edge was her profession of strong feelings for him. I can't speak to what the OP's guy would say as I'm not him or the OP. Plus I don't think that's really relevant. It's just conjecture. It's a distraction from the whole discussion here which is: did the OP's drunk behavior scare this guy away? Yes or no? I say yes, it did. I can only share my opinion based on my own experience watching girls at sorority parties in college act the way the OP did and have the same result with guys they liked.
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Never once said to him I loved him it would take a lot for me to say that to anyone but I've said I really liked him .. But I honestly don't think that's what it was .. If he dumped you because he saw you drunk ONE TIME, he's a d!ck. If he dumped you because you told him you liked him, he's a d!ck. Basically you're losing sleep over a d!ck. BTW the real reason probably is you scared him off with your drunken confession. 3
writergal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Previously, you said: If you change your story, no one can help you. I agree with you Star. The OP isn't giving us the real story here, I feel. So we can't really help her if she isn't being honest with us. 1
writergal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 If he dumped you because he saw you drunk ONE TIME, he's a d!ck. If he dumped you because you told him you liked him, he's a d!ck. Basically you're losing sleep over a d!ck. BTW the real reason probably is you scared him off with your drunken confession. I actually agree with this. Esp. the last sentence. 1
Author ellie10 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I don't know what else I can tell you .. I'd been out with this guy seven times he's so nice every time he tells me how perfect the date has been and how he can't believe we're so well matched on the monday we had this perfect night I said I guess I won't see u till the weekend because ur working and I had have this work party he said let me pick u up I said no it will take u miles out of ur way he said no I insist because I want to see you .. He picked me up at 11 and came in for a coffee .. He was very affectionate and I know I was talking too much and loud etc dues to drinking I know I mentioned my ex I shouldn't have and I know I told him I liked him ... But he left saying ill come down and well go for lunch Saturday but then Friday night came and I I heard nothing ... Then sat morning I received a text saying ur beautiful and in some ways were perfect but u gave me the impression ur feelings for me are stronger than mine are for you and maybe your to amazing a person to hurt so maybe it's best not to move forward ?
writergal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 What? .......... :/ Well, I've seen enough drunk college friends lose guys by such drunken confessions as the OP has described. I'm not being facetious either. I really don't think guys like to babysit girls/women who drink too much. When I was in college, I was always the designated driver of my drunk sorority friends and I saw this sort of thing happen pretty much at every weekend frat party.
SmileFace Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Well, I've seen enough drunk college friends lose guys by such drunken confessions as the OP has described. I'm not being facetious either. I really don't think guys like to babysit girls/women who drink too much. When I was in college, I was always the designated driver of my drunk sorority friends and I saw this sort of thing happen pretty much at every weekend frat party. She is 29. 1
Author ellie10 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Well, I've seen enough drunk college friends lose guys by such drunken confessions as the OP has described. I'm not being facetious either. I really don't think guys like to babysit girls/women who drink too much. When I was in college, I was always the designated driver of my drunk sorority friends and I saw this sort of thing happen pretty much at every weekend frat party. I'm 29 yes old enough to know better ... I had was drunk enough to be a motor mouth but by no means needed a baby sitter !
writergal Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 She is 29. That makes it even worse knowing that now. At 29 you shouldn't let yourself get so drunk like that in front of a guy that you're dating because you know better.
SmileFace Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 That makes it even worse knowing that now. At 29 you shouldn't let yourself get so drunk like that in front of a guy that you're dating because you know better. I don't know. I kinda want to be able to get drunk around the guy I am with ever so often. Different strokes for different folks. If a guy dumped me because I got drunk around him. Bye! It isn't like she got drunk - kissed his cousin, punched his mom and he dumped her for that. He dumped her because she told him something that she could have told him sober. 2
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