ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Seven dates and was told that we seemed almost perfect then he met me after a work party where I'd had one too many and said my feelings for him came across as much stronger than his and he thought it best to end it..I'd like another shot I don't really drink and I don't want him to think that girl was me what do I do x
Author ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I do take responsibility I don't really drink more than the odd glass of wine I got carried away and had more than that.. I take full ownership .. He thought I was a lady and didnt like me drunk or tipsy or whatever and what he thought was perfect isn't so much I'd just like to make it right make amends but I'm not sure how ...
writergal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Have to agree with the poster Jon70 here. You're an adult and drank too much and blew it with this guy as a result. If you're personality is to be a party girl, then maybe this guy decided he didn't want to date a party girl. You made a mistake. It happens. It's not the end of the world unless it continues to be a pattern for you. Which is more important to you; get pissed drunk or stay sober while out on dates? One or two drinks is fine, but beyond that is the road to drunksville that's littered with empty pint bottles. Have a good time, but keep yourself in check so that this doesn't happen again. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Seven dates and was told that we seemed almost perfect then he met me after a work party where I'd had one too many and said my feelings for him came across as much stronger than his and he thought it best to end it.. What did he mean by this? Did you do the whole drunk, "I like you sooooo much!" and hang all over him thing?
writergal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) Just because he gave an honest answer? I do think the OP is making excuses for her drunk behavior. She claims she never usually drinks that much, but I've heard that excuse a million and one times from all the drunk party girls I went to college with, who didn't want to take responsibility for the consequences (guys dumping them) of their binge drinking. My reference to drunksville is more of a warning to the OP not to make excuses for her behavior. That's all. Edited July 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
writergal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Just to add, OP, saying that you don't really drink, and then going off on a bender is like saying you don't have a license to drive, but then speeding down the highway anyway. It doesn't fly. Not to be harsh but just being honest. Take it with a grain of salt or a lime. It's just my opinion. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 He didn't leave for her drinking, he cut it off because he didn't feel the same way about her. 7
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 He didn't leave for her drinking, he cut it off because he didn't feel the same way about her. THANK YOU. 1
Author ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Ok I am by no means a party girl or headed to drunksville, I would normally only have a glass if two of wine every so often but I made the silly mistake of mixing my drinks and it went for my head I should have had more sense I'm not a kid I get that ... I was in a serious r ship for a long time and I'm new to dating again ... I thought I was being a bit cold with this guy and thought I should drop my guard a little but by doing it after a few drinks it came across as too much and that I must be falling in love with him Bottom line I really like him, he's lovely a gentleman and as he said in many ways wed me good together .. I'm not in love with him it's only been a few weeks but until I blew it I was really enjoying his company and I'd like to continue that .. To see where if anywhere it could go I know I messed up... I'd love to put it right but if he doesn't wanna nothing I can so
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Ok I am by no means a party girl or headed to drunksville, I would normally only have a glass if two of wine every so often but I made the silly mistake of mixing my drinks and it went for my head I should have had more sense I'm not a kid I get that ... I was in a serious r ship for a long time and I'm new to dating again ... I thought I was being a bit cold with this guy and thought I should drop my guard a little but by doing it after a few drinks it came across as too much and that I must be falling in love with him Bottom line I really like him, he's lovely a gentleman and as he said in many ways wed me good together .. I'm not in love with him it's only been a few weeks but until I blew it I was really enjoying his company and I'd like to continue that .. To see where if anywhere it could go I know I messed up... I'd love to put it right but if he doesn't wanna nothing I can so Yeah, it was your confession, not your tipsyness, that scared him off. Unfortunately, I'm not sure you can fix it. Best you can do is contact him and say that the booze made you act silly, and perhaps a little joke that we all occasionally say silly things we don't really mean when under the influence. 1
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 He didn't end it because you got drunk at a party. He ended it because he didn't return the same feelings for you as him. Well, and he apparently didn't see himself ever doing that either. Unless you're saying that the feelings you shared aren't how you really feel..but good luck convincing him of that. 1
Author ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I did say yesterday there was crossed wires that I didn't mean to give the impression my feelings were stronger than his that really I'd been content going with the flow taking it for what it was but it was though text and maybe we should have a chat and he replied yea that would be good ill ring u when I get home but he didnt .. I guess I blew it and its like the more I try to fix it I make it worse .. Things were going so well too before this 7 dates in 12days which is quite a lot .. I guess I just blew it and have to walk away
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 if she hadn't drunk so much it wouldn't have happened. you can't separate them. Yes, she might have been more careful with her words or expression but the alcohol gave her a loose tongue so things were said, which did herself a favor because it is now clear he doesn't feel the same way. The fact that she drank wouldn't be an automatic deal breaker, which allowed her to simply express her feelings. I don't think he magically just changed his mind in that moment, that doesn't seem realistic to me. She wants to believe this is something she can fix or repair like it would make a difference to his feelings, so she can go back and start over...but this guy isn't into her...he wouldn't have cut her off that easily, not just for her saying how she feels. 3
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Booze is not an excuse. there's consequences for drinking too much, even once. I feel for her because she knows she made a mistake. Yeah I get what you're saying but the point is this guy gave her the boot because she was more into him than he into her. Maybe the drunk boozey behavior turned him off too, but his reason for the dump was that she was more into him. 1
Author ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Hmm I don't know this guy actually scared me because it got very cosy very fast .. To the point a couple of times he asked me was I ok with the pace.. Even Monday past we had a dinner date he came back to mine and we had a cup of tea and he said u know tonight was almost perfect I'm so happy with how things are going .. I said we wouldn't see each other till the weekend but he insisted even though it was late and miles out of his way taking me home from the party the other night ..I think he thought he had a quiet and reserved lady and the girl he gave the ride home to was talking non stop about nonsense and said she realllyyyy liked him and it was too much ..
Author ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Woooaahhh no no no this does not equate to the thing I have never and would never cheat !!!! 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Booze is not an excuse. there's consequences for drinking too much, even once. I feel for her because she knows she made a mistake. It's not her fault to the extent of taking that much responsibility for what he expressed and what he in turn said, you're just exploiting her insecurity and exacerbating her guilt because she already wants to believe she messed this whole thing up and she's to blame, based on your agenda/opinion of her behavior. She wants to believe that silly mistake cost her supposedly a great guy...don't take advantage of the opportunistic vulnerability of this girl to make your own unrelated point on the topic of drinking or being intoxicated. 4
writergal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Again, did you read the OP? Where does it say he dumped her because of her binge drinking? He dumped her because: "I'd had one too many and said my feelings for him came across as much stronger than his and he thought it best to end it." WTF? Where the heck are you coming from with this? READ the g'damn OP. He used the EXCUSE that he wasn't as in to her as she was in to him, but she always admitted that her drinking too much was the cause. I did read the OP, several times. If alcohol wasn't a factor then the OP wouldn't have even brought it up and her post would be about getting dumped by a guy who claimed his feelings for her weren't as strong as hers were for him. It doesn't take a genius to add 2+2 and see that her drunk behavior is what really caused him to back off, and that he used the polite excuse about his lack of interest in her as a convenient way to end things (and excuse by the way that guys overuse in situations like these).
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 He used the EXCUSE that he wasn't as in to her as she was in to him, but she always admitted that her drinking too much was the cause. I did read the OP, several times. If alcohol wasn't a factor then the OP wouldn't have even brought it up and her post would be about getting dumped by a guy who claimed his feelings for her weren't as strong as hers were for him. It doesn't take a genius to add 2+2 and see that her drunk behavior is what really caused him to back off, and that he used the polite excuse about his lack of interest in her as a convenient way to end things (and excuse by the way that guys overuse in situations like these). You're the only one besides a brand new troller who things this way in this thread. Everyone else thinks it's because she confessed that she's falling in love with him and thinks her feelings for him are stronger than his for her. Take care. 1
writergal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 The OP drunkingly blurted out that she liked the guy more than he liked her, possibly in a confrontational way since she had one too many to drink. And you really think he'd continue to date her after that display? Her drunken behavior is what caused the guy to flee. It's that obvious. Alcohol is the theme of the OP's post. And she's a pretty lame excuse of "I don't drink that much" to avoid taking responsibility for her behavior. Until she does that, getting that drunk in front of guys isn't going to end well for her dating life. Or didn't you go to college, which is the age I"m guessing the OP is.
Author ellie10 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I actually agree I don't think it was because I confessed anything I think it was because his perception of me changed and the rest I think he should be able to get past as we all say silly things when we've had a few
SmileFace Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Going forward. Do you remember what you told him? Do you think it is too much for the time you both were dating? If he expressed the same thing - would you have been freaked out? Were you in fact.. moving too fast? 1
KatZee Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 He didn't leave for her drinking, he cut it off because he didn't feel the same way about her. ^Absolutely this. The drinking had no play in his decision to end it. It's been 7 dates, but I feel in his mind things were casual. She opened up about her true feelings, they were way more than he had, and most likely more than he had wanted. His best course of action was to then leave instead of leading her on. OP don't beat yourself up for getting drunk. It happens. Those vilifying you for that are inaccurate here. 3
SmileFace Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 The OP drunkingly blurted out that she liked the guy more than he liked her, possibly in a confrontational way since she had one too many to drink. And you really think he'd continue to date her after that display? Her drunken behavior is what caused the guy to flee. It's that obvious. Alcohol is the theme of the OP's post. And she's a pretty lame excuse of "I don't drink that much" to avoid taking responsibility for her behavior. Until she does that, getting that drunk in front of guys isn't going to end well for her dating life. Or didn't you go to college, which is the age I"m guessing the OP is. Yes but her drunken behavior is her true feelings in the situation. How she told him really makes no difference. 1
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