ngo_ng Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Hi everyone, I need some advice about my current situation. I would appreciate the help. I was on this forum 3 years ago when my ex of 3 years broke up with me in the summer of 2010. I have been giving her the NC as best I could. As painful as it was, it worked. I eventually felt better; she came back to me many times even while she was in a relationship with other people. every time I was NC, and she kept coming back to me. I would give her another chance but it was brief every time. I ended up seeing her again this summer, she said she changed and was very jealous of the other women I was seeing at the time. She manipulated me all these years; I don't believe her words any more but kept seeing her on the side. We ended up having sex twice. I met my most recent gf in August of summer 2012. It was the most sane and perfect relationship I have ever been in. We never ever fought. We had a blast every time we went out, plus she was interested in all my activities and gave me trust and freedom to do and go as I please as long as I am honest. My ex enters the scene in september and october 2012 sending me love messages on facebook and texts. I don't respond so she tells me she thinks she is pregnant and it was mine. This forces me into breaking NC and trying to find out what was going on, this falls around her bday so I wish her happy bday and try to see her. It ended up being a lie. I enter NC again up until May 2013. She says my uncle, who she is working with, is cheating on his wife, which makes me want more information. We meet up for supper, I decide to test her intentions as well as how I feel towards her after all this time, I invite her to the movies. I hold her hand, she pretends to hold back but then accepts it, we also make out. After the movie, I drove her home and she says it was fun and we should do it again. I finally know her intentions. We meet again a second time, this time I hold her hand to bring her to the car, we had to make a pit stop at my apartment where I live with my current gf. In the end of the night, I end up telling her I would not leave my gf to be with her. She stops talking to me but never gave me closure so in an attempt to lure her into talking I asked her if she was willing to meet me if I were to break up with my gf. She uses this as leverage and calls up a meeting with my gf through a common friend of theirs. Now, I am broken up with my gf as she does not trust me anymore. I went back to living with my parents. This happened this last Monday, on the week of my birthday. She asked me for more details to which I gave her and basically she said that I should have told her all this, that it would have been different but that now she is extremely angry at me and thinks I lied and cheated her. I agree it is my fault, I thought I could get info about my uncle, find out my ex's intentions and have closure once and for all and tell my gf afterwards as I was too scared to tell her before. The gamble ended up blowing up in my face. She doesn't want to talk to me any more, and I have just read a letter she put in my mailbox earlier with a cheque including all the expenses I made for the apartment I renovated and furnished with her. She tells me to confirm that I receive it. It is also her birthday this coming Friday. This is what I am thinking of doing. Please let me know what you think and if you advise me weather you agree or disagree. Thank you! I will wait until Friday to send her a text saying that I have received her letter with the cheque and that I wish her a happy birthday then go NC and work on myself and making my life happier. I already have a gift for her ready but I will give it to her friend so that she may hold it until my recent gf (or recent-ex) is emotionally better to give it to her perhaps in few weeks. I intend on breaking NC in August near our supposed 1 year anniversary which is in 7 weeks from now. Her friend will hold an apology letter and a document summarizing our 1 year relationship and focusing on how it was always happy and that we never argued. If she is still hurt by then, I will not have the friend give it to her but if she has recovered from the 7 weeks NC then she will have the package to read. During which, I will be gone to have fun for a friend's bachelor party in Mexico for 4 days. I would like to emphasize that we never had any issues in our relationship except the ex so I don't have anything to really change except bettering myself and keeping busy. Otherwise, trust issue is something that works out only if she forgives me. I am doing this because I still love her and I want to give her the time and space to heal from feeling deceived. I would like her to be my date for my friend's wedding in september (12 weeks from now). What do you guys think? I would like to get back with her but is it too soon after 7 weeks of NC? Do you think this distrust will be impossible for us to ever talk again? I need your opinion. This forum has helped me once, I am eager to listen to your advices. Thank you, I love you all!
Delilah1623 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 You made out with another girl... To help your uncle and get closure? Wow 2
StrongLass Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I would like to emphasize that we never had any issues in our relationship except the ex Understatement of the day right there. You gambled away a "sane" relationship that you were supposedly really happy with to mess around with your ex. Your most current ex gf is TOTALLY in the right in cutting your A$$ off. Otherwise, trust issue is something that works out only if she forgives me. How about you become someone worth trusting? You clearly aren't now. I am doing this because I still love her and I want to give her the time and space to heal from feeling deceived. You DID deceive her... I would like her to be my date for my friend's wedding in september (12 weeks from now). Given the circumstances I'd call that a tall order. so I don't have anything to really change except bettering myself and keeping busy. I stand corrected. THIS is the understatement of the day You act like fundamental personal change is as instantaneous as ordering takeout. Good Lord man... 3
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) I met my most recent gf in August of summer 2012. It was the most sane and perfect relationship I have ever been in. We never ever fought. Yet you cheated on her two times with your cheating dirtbag disfunctional x girlfriend. (x girlfriend) came back to me many times even while she was in a relationship with other people. We ended up having sex twice. My ex enters the scene in september and october 2012 again May 2013. We meet up for supper, I decide to test her intentions as well as how I feel towards her after all this time, I invite her to the movies. I hold her hand, she pretends to hold back but then accepts it, we also make out. We meet again a second time, this time I hold her hand to bring her to the car, we had to make a pit stop at my apartment where I live with my current gf. So now this is a quandary, why did you need to know her "intentions" Why did you think a "date" actually two dates were needed? This is pure justification, you were just cheating plain and simple. Now, I am broken up with my gf as she does not trust me anymore. I lied and cheated her. I agree it is my fault, The gamble ended up blowing up in my face. She doesn't want to talk to me any more, Of course, she's a very smart girl. Too smart for you. I have received her letter with the cheque and that I wish her a happy birthday then go NC and work on myself and making my life happier. Good plan, you need some professional help with your disfunctional coping mechanisms. I intend on breaking NC in August near our supposed 1 year anniversary which is in 7 weeks from now. Her friend will hold an apology letter and a document summarizing our 1 year relationship and focusing on how it was always happy and that we never argued. If she is still hurt by then, I will not have the friend give it to her but if she has recovered from the 7 weeks NC then she will have the package to read. During which, I will be gone to have fun for a friend's bachelor party in Mexico for 4 days. I would like to emphasize that we never had any issues in our relationship except the ex so I don't have anything to really change except bettering myself and keeping busy. Otherwise, trust issue is something that works out only if she forgives me. I am doing this because I still love her and I want to give her the time and space to heal from feeling deceived. I would like her to be my date for my friend's wedding in september (12 weeks from now). Wha..what???? You are delusional. You did in fact deceive her at least twice. 1. What makes you think she will wait around for a lying cheater? I am sure there are a dozen guys who would jump at the chance to be with such a paragon. I think you screwed up. 2. Why would she forgive you? You do not seem remorseful for the pain anguish and heartache you have caused her. You sorta sound like you think "oopsie, my bad" but you seem more upset that you didn't get closure with the x dirtbag girlfriend. 3. She gets she is your backup plan and is too smart to accept it. Good for her. I think you have no shot...unless you wake up and realize you threw away the best thing you ever had for another change with a lying, cheating old flame. And beg for forgiveness every day and grovel and plead. AND SEE A THERAPIST. Good luck. Edited July 8, 2013 by It-is-what-it-is. Still pissed off 1
BC1980 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I will wait until Friday to send her a text saying that I have received her letter with the cheque and that I wish her a happy birthday then go NC and work on myself and making my life happier. I would recommend this without the happy birthday. Another question would be why you allowed this clearly dysfunctional ex to be a part of your life for 3 years. Man, she is laughing somewhere right now, having successfully screwed up your relationship with your help. Go NC with both of them immediately.
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