raccoontt Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I don't post this to breaking up part of the forum, because I don't feel a need for any support, just sharing my experience. During the last few months I started to think that may be there is an exception, but today I got a proof that those two statements are still valid: 1. It's better not to trust women. 2. Long distance relations don't work. The girl I met three months ago seemed to be trustworthy, and considering my bad previous experience, that was the most valuable feature. During this time everything was perfect, we had no fights at all, enjoyed spending time with each other. I never asked her, but she kept repeating that she is very loyal, that she made her choice (me) and won't change it, that she was looking for someone like me and thanks God daily that she found me. I was skeptical to all those things, but of course I didn't show it to her. A month ago I left to another country for work, and I was going to be back and see her in September, not huge period of time, is it? She was informed that I'm going to leave for that time the day we met, so it wasn't a surprise for her. Two weeks ago was the first time she told me she loved me, before she only gave hints of that. About ten days ago she insisted me to promise her I won't cheat on her while abroad, and promised me she won't cheat too, even though I didn't ask for it. A week ago she told me she is afraid to lose her feelings to me before I come back (red flag!). Today she said she decided not to use internet for some time, which is our only mean of communication (skype and facebook), and the reason is me. She needs time to think. I didn't even demand any explanations, for me it's clear that someone who can change her mind in two weeks is not someone to have relations with. As for now I think I won't be willing to talk to her even if her thinking will have positive results. She lost the most important thing I valued in her - trustworthiness.
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Okay, the problem with your theory is 1. Long distance relationships have and do work for people. 2. Relationships in which men trust women have and do work for people. /End 5
Appleness Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 You can keep whatever theory you like. You can choose to see anything as "proof" if you want to but honestly, I don't buy it. You took a chance and was vulnerable. Someone exploited that. You're a bit hurt but truthfully, this is just a lesson that A) she's not that special and B) you have to work on being a better judge of character. Just because someone says that they're trustworthy doesn't mean that you should believe them. You have to wait and see how they unfold in certain situations and conflicts. Obviously, she failed but that doesn't mean that women can't be trusted or that long distance doesn't work. If you keep thinking that, then yes, you give your thoughts the fuel it needs to be true because you will never let anyone in. I didn't read your previous posts so I can't comment on your previous experiences. However, I do know this: the strength of human hope and belief has allowed for so many things that shouldn't be possible to exist. Should you never took a chance in life, then you might as well not live at all. Trust in your own self-worth that someone will come along who will be a decent person to see that you are someone worthy of them waiting for you to come back. Don't have a defeatist mentality. How would you like it if you met a great woman but she dumped you after 2 dates because she was abused and thought that all men were looking to take advantage of her by the third date? You'd think she was psycho, right? Have some faith. Keep trying. It's not the end of the world and this too shall pass. I know you feel rotten now but better now then when you're married, only to come home to have her cheat on you then. Good luck 1
nescafe1982 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm sorry that happened to you. But be careful about lumped "all women" together. Indeed, this might be part of your problem, if you actually think all women are alike. Relationships are built on trust. If you don't allow yourself to trust, you will not have relationships. But the sad thing is that opening yourself to trust also means opening yourself to betrayal. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. Try to refrain from making theories right now. Grieve for a while, then get back out there!
Author raccoontt Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I didn't read your previous posts so I can't comment on your previous experiences. This was my first post. Have some faith. Keep trying. I do, but it's harder every time this happens. It was a big step for me to start to date this girl, after my ex who is the biggest liar and intrigante ever known to the humankind. Now thais happens again, with a lower degree of cruelty, but still the same.
IHateHypocrites Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 1. It's better not to trust women.Good luck with connecting with them then. 2. Long distance relations don't work. Sometimes they do. But it takes two very special people and there should be a deadline for long distance situation to end.
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 This was my first post. I do, but it's harder every time this happens. It was a big step for me to start to date this girl, after my ex who is the biggest liar and intrigante ever known to the humankind. Now thais happens again, with a lower degree of cruelty, but still the same. Listen, It was 3 months. Of course it sucks, you have every right to be hurt and angry about it. But, it was 3 months. 1/4 of a whole year. 25 percento. If banks gave people the money for a home loan after 3 months of good credit we'd be in big trouble in this country. Alright, we're already in trouble in this country but you get my point. Trust has to be earned, yes you give people the benefit of the doubt to begin with. But, you have to be pragmatic about it and know that people have to prove themselves overtime with their actions, their commitment, and not just their words alone. Now that's about trust but more went on here in your situation. So, after a few weeks apart she realized she wasn't cut out for a LD relationship. You know what? It happens and it doesn't mean she isn't trustworthy necessarily. Maybe she's fickle or maybe she just thought she was capable of what she wasn't. It's a learning experience for both you and her. Don't put so much weight into someone's words after a few months. At worst she's a flakey gal. Also, don't expect people to do what you want them to do. It's a relationship and that means both people voluntarily enter and exit. All women aren't untrustworthy and all LD aren't doomed to fail just because this girl decided she didn't want to date you anymore after a few months. 2
JourneyLady Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Listen, It was 3 months. Of course it sucks, you have every right to be hurt and angry about it. But, it was 3 months. 1/4 of a whole year. 25 percento. If banks gave people the money for a home loan after 3 months of good credit we'd be in big trouble in this country. Alright, we're already in trouble in this country but you get my point. Trust has to be earned, yes you give people the benefit of the doubt to begin with. But, you have to be pragmatic about it and know that people have to prove themselves overtime with their actions, their commitment, and not just their words alone. Now that's about trust but more went on here in your situation. So, after a few weeks apart she realized she wasn't cut out for a LD relationship. You know what? It happens and it doesn't mean she isn't trustworthy necessarily. Maybe she's fickle or maybe she just thought she was capable of what she wasn't. It's a learning experience for both you and her. Don't put so much weight into someone's words after a few months. At worst she's a flakey gal. Also, don't expect people to do what you want them to do. It's a relationship and that means both people voluntarily enter and exit. All women aren't untrustworthy and all LD aren't doomed to fail just because this girl decided she didn't want to date you anymore after a few months. This. I found out I'm not too great with LDR's either. You have to know someone a pretty long while for an LDR to take the backseat of an in-person relationship. Actually, she IS trustworthy on that score, because she simply could have pretended to still be into you while dating someone else. She didn't. It seems she thought about it, and realized an LDR this early in a relationship isn't for her, and would rather try again to meet someone who will be there. If she has a bad day, can you be on the spot to help her get through? If she wants to go to a movie with a date, you won't be there to go with. Trustworthy is stating your intentions up front. She intended to stick with you when you left, but probably didn't figure it feel like such a long time and if she's never had an LDR before, probably she didn't know what was involved. Women generally have a hard time being left alone while in a relationship without a guy for a long period of time -- except those independent types. It takes a very special two people for that to work. No one can anticipate whether they are one of those people until it's been tried. If you come back and achieve a life where you don't have to leave the area for long periods of time or often, and she's still single, I'd not be afraid to ask her again... She was honest with you - and to me, that's trustworthy.
FitChick Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I got a proof that those two statements are still valid for me: 1. It's better not to trust women like that woman. 2. Long distance relations don't work for me, especially with a woman like that. Fixed it for you! 3
shexy Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I really get sick of the generalizations on this forum: the ALL women are bitches, ALL women only date hot guys, ALL women are money grubbers, ALL women are not trustworthy. Ugh, get over yourself OP 1
Author raccoontt Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I'm sorry guys, of course not all women are the same, it's just I meet that type all the time. I was angry after those news, I wrote my first post within an hour after receiving them. First day of NC is not easy. I'm proud of myself that I didn't ask her why, otherwise she could give me some additional details, and I would be restless subconsciously analyzing that sht. Hope to forget her soon, after all it was just three months, unfortunately I became attached to her more than I wanted during this time. I have to keep NC with two girls now
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