Remember me? Update on how breaking nc went and what just happened

[Echo000]

I have a story for you guys..and I have not been here for a long while so its a big update for sure.

 

So i broke four months of no contact in mid May with a text and a call shortly after. It went really well--she straight off told me she still was in love with me and that she was really happy to hear from me. Over the past month and a half, we stayed in contact. We would text every few days and occasionally speak on the phone. She eventually let out all the pain she from our breakup and things that led up to it, and eventually after some time i got to do the same.

 

I started feeling nervous and a ton of anxiety, however, that us talking would lead to us getting back together as soon as the school year rolled around and i went back to where she lives (where i go to school). Its not that i dont love her--the exact opposite, I am IN LOVE with her still. But i know that we each have our own issues, and we needed to sort them out and be friends at first before exploring the possibility of more. That we also needed to focus on school as well, and make sure that things had changed enough so we wouldnt make the same mistakes IF we did end up pursuing more than a friendship. I told her all this via phone just last week, we talked for hours and it was a great conversation. She was understanding, and said there was no need for expectations and that she agreed to not rush into anything.

 

Fast forward to this June 30, 2013. That was just days after that conversation, when she planned on seeing some family (that she just met for the first time last summer) over in Massachusetts. We planned on not really talking while she was away, to allow her to focus on her trip and all. No big deal.

 

Then July 5th comes along, and i get a text from her after days of not talking saying, "when are you coming back up here?" (where she lives and i attend school). Told her i didnt know..and she said "oh, ok". I asked her umm why watsup and she said this:

 

"I am moving to Massachusetts this fall and wanted to see you before i leave. this was decided yesterday"

 

I was SHOCKED and sickened. My heart started beating out of my chest, my breathing became rapid and shallow. i wanted to throw up, pretend i had never seen that text..melt away. This couldnt be happening.

 

But it was. She had always mentioned the possibility of moving to Mass., but she also was assuring me before her trip that while she would decide while over there, that she definitely wanted to finish school in CA where she said she also loved her job and family there. We spoke on the phone shortly after, and she said she wanted to stay there for at least the next three years, where she would go to school.

 

She tried playing it off as no big deal. She was not very emotional at all and treated it like it was not something huge. She told me "its just for school, ill still be around for summers (false) and its not like im going to Mars or anything"

 

To end this long update, I told her that i love her so much and support her move- that i would never hold her back and want whats best for her. I also said, however, that i felt absolutely crushed and so saddened because i know that this means its over between us for good. That i cannot be the type of friend that just hears from you once every couple months and only MAYBE sees you once in a year, and if that, for a couple hours or just a day. She begged me to see her after i move back up to school before she leaves in August (next month), but i told her that i couldnt. That i needed to heal and get over her and all this and seeing her right before she leaves would crush me all over again. I also told her I was going to block her, because i need now to fully move on now that its over. She hated the idea that i was going to do that, but i told her i support and love her but cannot be around anymore. My dreams and hopes for her and potentially us were crushed in a single text message. My world felt flipped on its head. My first love, i knew, was officially out of my life..potentially forever. And today is just two days since this news entered my world, and i still feel crushed.

 

SO, i have since followed through with my words. I sent her a goodbye text and a very nice email, telling her i support her decision and hope she finds a home out in Massachusetts (which is 3000 miles away from my california home). I blocked her cell phone number so she cant call or text me, i blocked her email so anything she could write me goes to archive, and her fb has always been blocked. I HATE that i had to do this, but i cant hold onto her anymore. All the expectations we had built this summer- i didnt know if we would ever really be back together, but i found comfort in knowing she could still be apart of my life. And just like that, in the blink of an eye, she is gone, probably forever.

 

And that is truly a hard pill to swallow. Crushed.

 

Any advise, any shared experiences would be so greatly appreciated. I feel so alone, and hate that i am back here once again. She was my first love, and i truly love her still with all my heart. And i never expected she would move 3000 miles away just like that.

 

so very sad

[drpepper1886]

It's been 10 months post breakup (NC 98% of the time) for me and my ex moved away almost 4 months ago, she never told me she was moving and I found out from friends that she did. I felt the same as you did; that this was IT; the sign that it was over for good.

 

It will help you both move on that much easier. This will be good for you. Focus on yourself and continue to move on the best you can by focusing on your school and hobbies.

[Echo000]

how long did it take you to feel okay with that though? i felt totally devastated when we broke up..my heart felt broken. This doesnt feel as sharp or as bad..we have not been together since January and only started texting/phoning occasionally since mid may. I only have seen her once since we broke up, only for about an hour. So i dont feel shattered like i did when we broke up..but i feel IMMENSELY sad and hurt as well. Part of me wishing she will change her mind/this isnt happening..that its too sudden. I know thats the irrational/emotional pull, but i am still in utter shock.

 

Did i do the right thing to totally block her based on the situation? Or should i have given it a little more time? Thanks for the advise

[drpepper1886]

It took me about 6 or 7 months to feel what I'd call some version of "normal". Now it's just the thoughts without the sadness and then continuing on. I'm much better at stopping the thoughts now.

 

I think you did the right thing, if you've read these forums enough and others; you need to heal and move on. If she changes her mind she will let you know.

[Still Searching]

I read your other thread from in May, and now this one. My personal opinion is that you're doing the right thing in blocking/deleting her. The saying, "Out of sight, out of mind" applies here. An ex of mine of 3 years broke it off, and even though I lived 25 miles away only, I never saw her, never heard from her, and it was easier. The mind has a way of creating these "false realities" or assumptions, but a person has to realize that they are just that, nothing more. You'll wonder what she's doing, if she misses you or thinks of you at all, if she's dating someone knew, all of that, but you need to remember simply this: it doesn't matter. It takes two to make a relationship work, and only one to end it. Maybe it was mutual with you, but regardless, it's over.

 

Resume NC, focus on yourself, and just try to accept things for what they are. As others have said, if she wanted to be with you, she would be, plain and simple. It's a tough pill to swallow, knowing someone chooses to live a life without you in it, but it's out of anyone's control.

 

Funny, but after well over a year of NC with an ex, she just recently contacted me, asking to meet up for dinner, and basically gave me an apology for the way things went. As others have said, it was a selfish act, meant to ease her guilt and make herself feel better. I've been indifferent in regards to her for some time, and while I accepted her apology and thanked her for the dinner invite, I declined. That ship has sailed, and I see no reason to meet up, as I have no desire to have her in my life as simply a friend. You'll get there, in time. We all wish for a "reset" button or that we could hit fast-forward, but as others have said, and I'm still trying to believe and understand fully myself, the difficult times and pain now will make us better people in the long run.

 

Ok, rant over...