meowmrrow Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I have been dating this guy for 2 years. We started off very passionately and we had a great time getting to know each other. we were living in different cities at the time. We met at an engagement party btw.!!...3 months into knowing him, i decided to find a job in his city and move there to be closer to him (and of course to start a better job for my career). A week after i moved, he became distant, and soon after he broke up with me saying that he did not want anyone to depend on him and sometimes he needs space and to do his own thing. mind you, i never asked him for help, i am a super independent woman who handled the job search apartment search and entire move by myself plus i am not the clingy type and appreciate my own space as well, and i neverrr got needy with him at all. once he said that to me, i told him i think we should not speak, and we didnt for a whole month. Then due to mutual friends and his occasional random texting we got back together after him saying he missed me and he realised he wants to be with me. Our relationship grew after that, we spend a lot of time together, it was all pleasant and great, met his family, etc. a year after, i found a better job opportuity in another city, an hour away from him, plus my father got very ill. This all happened so quickly that i had to be very strong for my family as well as for myself. When i mentioned the job to him he was very indifferent and encouraging of me leaving - and was so passive about that i was shocked. then a week before my move, he decided to help me find a job in his city through his contacts - when it was too late and i was about to sign an offer!! i thought it was quite strange to come in so late in the game?!! and confuse me like that. nevertheless, i moved to that city and have been there for the past year. we have been doing long distance (sort of) he comes when he can during the week and i go when i can (mind you he lives with his parents!!). He has not failed in coming and being there when necessary, however he does not initiate any ideas on what to do , he comes and just chills on the couch and hardly talks and plays with his phone. he has also been extremely rude on so many occasions with me in front of people and his family . He apologized, still...it hurt and was disrespectful for the past few weeks i have been very unhappy and decided to speak to him about how our relationship is stagnant and not healthy. he never talks about his feelings and never even asks about mine and how i feel and what i need. When i mention to him something i dont like he says ur pmsing and u dont know wat ur saying and u dont make sense. he also mentioned that he think i joke too much and he does not see me as feminine anymore coz of my jokes. as we stand, i asked for a break and said i dont like his tone with me, throwing the problem back at me and not admitting his mistakes or even trying to make any change needed, and his comment was " sort urself out woman!" he is also not very ambitious and likes to stay at home and not do much, he has not finished his degree which causes him a lot of pain yet lately he has been working hard to improve his job and get promoted and says its for me for us when we marry , he has mentioned marriage and is keen on it, but his actions are not consistent. on a personal note, we have great chemistry in bed always have! lately he has been asking me for a threesome with another guy i said no then yes then no and he was mad that i said no, and i told him reason is we need to connect and work on us better and feel comfortable mentally and emotionally he did not get it!!! and funnily enough now he has become super religious and a week ago said he wont have sex with me anymore till we marry?!!! lol please help a sistah out! im out....
nescafe1982 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 On first blush, he sounds like a loser. Sorry to be blunt, but a) lives with his parents, b) never says loving things to you, c) is occasionally rude to you in front of others, and d) encourages you to leave? Do I have that right? He sounds like he needs a reality check. But guess what? You're not the one who can do it for him. He's a man-child who needs to grow up, but if you wait around for him to do it, while accommodating him by moving yourself around while he sits around like a lump, the only thing you will get in the end if more heartbreak. When (and if) he does grow up, he will probably leave you for someone he can pursue more. And if he's as lax on his morals as he is in other aspects, he might just cheat on you to do it. Don't lie with dogs. You'll get fleas. Now, on a more upbeat note, romantic relationships don't have to be this burdensome if you first face some hard truths about your current situation. You can meet someone who will pursue you, woo you, take you out, and treat you right. But you have to be willing to clear cut your baggage first and "make space" in your life for the right man. I would ditch this guy, give yourself some time to grieve the romance you have been missing, and get back on that dating train with a solemn vow not to waste time with men who treat you poorly.
nescafe1982 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 and oh, if a dude ever dismissed my feelings with that old adage about PMS, I'd throat punch him. What is he, like 13?
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