Depending on men to feel good about myself

[Hopeful30]

I don't have close or intimate friendships. I always envied people who had a friend, or even a group of friends, that were always there for each other, always backing each other up and showing up at each other's houses with junk food and movies when they were feeling down.

 

I'm a very lonely person, and I've recently realized that I am extremely starved for love and affection. I didn't grow up in a very loving family, so when I started dating around 19 years old (my first serious relationship) I was so fulfilled and so happy to be loved and adored.

 

I've realized recently that I depend on men to feel okay. I need the love of a man to be happy. And I don't mean casual dating, I mean genuine love. Without the love of a man I feel so alone and irrelevant. Just some girl whose potential and unconditional love no one sees or knows exists.

 

Do any of you feel the same? And how do you go about dealing with it?

 

I find myself asking to see my exes over coffee, wanting to get that tiny bit of kindness so I know that I'm still worthy of a man's affections. I wonder if anyone else is out there like this.

 

I'm just in a really lonely, loveless place right now. I want to be hugged and kissed on the forehead, I want someone to tell me they love me and care for me. I crave this so much and it hurts that I don't have it.

 

I guess i'm just reaching out for anyone who might have any advice. Thank you <3

[nescafe1982]

This will become a problem for you if it hasn't already. Seek professional help with a licensed therapist. You can learn new social patterns and seek healthy relationships and enjoy them in a healthy way.

 

Right now, you run the risk of a) becoming addicted to men/sex/love, which will lead you into risky behaviors (you've already mention seeking out Exes, which is unhealthy behavior), cheating on romantic partners, and losing respect for yourself, b) ruining healthy friendships with men by acting out inappropriately, c) losing meaningful friendships with women who will fear how you act with their husbands, or d) unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and other compulsions/addictions that will coexist with your current illness.

 

Make no mistake: if you do use love/men this way, you do have an illness. So treat it like an illness, and see a therapist to rehabilitate yourself. You'll be glad you did, trust me.

[Quiet Storm]

I don't have close or intimate friendships. I always envied people who had a friend, or even a group of friends, that were always there for each other, always backing each other up and showing up at each other's houses with junk food and movies when they were feeling down.

 

I'm a very lonely person, and I've recently realized that I am extremely starved for love and affection. I didn't grow up in a very loving family, so when I started dating around 19 years old (my first serious relationship) I was so fulfilled and so happy to be loved and adored.

 

I've realized recently that I depend on men to feel okay. I need the love of a man to be happy. And I don't mean casual dating, I mean genuine love. Without the love of a man I feel so alone and irrelevant. Just some girl whose potential and unconditional love no one sees or knows exists.

 

Do any of you feel the same? And how do you go about dealing with it?

 

I find myself asking to see my exes over coffee, wanting to get that tiny bit of kindness so I know that I'm still worthy of a man's affections. I wonder if anyone else is out there like this.

 

I'm just in a really lonely, loveless place right now. I want to be hugged and kissed on the forehead, I want someone to tell me they love me and care for me. I crave this so much and it hurts that I don't have it.

 

I guess i'm just reaching out for anyone who might have any advice. Thank you <3

 

 

You need to learn how to love yourself. Then you will be happy & content regardless of the status of romantic relationships.

 

Counseling can help you learn to love yourself. It can be a life changer when it comes to improving self worth issues.

[hoping2heal]

That all sounds very sad but it doesn't have to continue to be this way for you. If you grew up not having much love and care it only makes sense how you would be seeking it out now.

 

What is your socialization like? Do you have a career or are you going to college or involved in any other type of education/apprenticeship/internship/etc. ?

[nescafe1982]

That all sounds very sad but it doesn't have to continue to be this way for you.

 

^ yes. this is the most important thing to remember.

[zebracolors]

Hello Hopeful

You're letting your desperation and loneliness make the decision about whether you're worthy of a man's attention or not. I really think you should address this point before you even worry about finding a man to be in your life. You need to get where you can tell yourself you don't need a man, or anyone, to feel 'relevant' and happy. I know, easier said than done, but I would suggest leaving your exes alone and really putting yourself out there in social situations, join meet up groups that are of your interests and hobbies.

 

Start by building quality friendships this way, treat people the way you want to be treated and act the way to others that you'd want from friends. That means shedding the loneliness and desperation when you go into these situations. When you build friendships this way, your friends will come to treasure those warm and kind traits of yours, and then they will help you to see and feel your own worth and happiness should come from this. The only people you need in your life are the ones who need you, even if all you can give to them is yourself.

 

As I understand, one trait that men tend to really find attractive in a woman is when she has a positive outlook on herself and appearance, how to have the right mix of femininity and confidence. A man can be attracted to you, and want to get to know you but really, if you are desperate it'll show itself and it might cause a man to feel he's got to walk on eggshells around you.

 

And please don't build barriers to your own progress by telling yourself there aren't any social groups nearby. It may take a little work as part of putting yourself out there may mean a bit of effort on your part.