bobwhite007 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I recently had to go out of town . When I got back I checked her phone and found a message from a man I suspected as a possible "friend".it said simply what's up? I haven't talked to you in a while? This text came on the evening I left town. There was no response and she says she has no idea why he texted her and she can't tell me when the last time they talked, its been forever she says. Before I left I thought of possible scenerios and he was on top of my list. I must say she has really bent over backwards trying to convince me she hasn't done anything.I just want to know what all has happened .I can't go on until I know the whole truth.she won't say anything except nothing happend.I'm having a hard time believing her.By the way this man is who she worked for over 20 years ago.His # is in her phone and evidently they are still communicating.I don't know what to do now.
Running Man Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Check the phone records. Tell your wife that you want her to take a polygraph test.( Whether your really going to do it or not just set a date and follow through with it until the last minute and see if she confesses something else thats new.)
Bryanp Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Running man is absolutely correct. You continue to run around in circles. Insist on a polygraph. Tell her this is a deal breaker if she refuses. If you do not do this then the rest of your life will be how it is today. Is this what you want?
Realist3 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I think demanding a polygraph test over text message that says "What's up I haven't talked to you in a long time." is a bit over the top. What type of message is an old friend supposed to leave someone that is just curious how someone is doing? If this is all you have I think you need to do a good bit more investigative work for something more concrete.
Bryanp Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 This does not have to do with the message. The problem is he is having is the wife in a previous incident said that she did not have sex with an OM while the evidence looked damaging and he feels she is lying about it. This is what is making Bob White so upset.
Realist3 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 What evidence looked damaging? He hasn't provided any so far.
Realist3 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Okay I read every single one of his posts and I see absolutely nothing to suggest his wife is cheating on him.
Realist3 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Basically the way I read it is that he has come up with the notion that she is cheating in his mind, yet can't find one lick of evidence to support his notion. I have said it before. It is very difficult to find something that isn't there, and he is driving himself crazy trying to find it. He is also probably doing quite a bit of harm to the relationship itself with these unsubstantiated accusations towards her. If he really really wants to damage the relationship he should ask her for a polygraph test. That will surely sink the boat. 1
janedoe67 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Basically the way I read it is that he has come up with the notion that she is cheating in his mind, yet can't find one lick of evidence to support his notion. I have said it before. It is very difficult to find something that isn't there, and he is driving himself crazy trying to find it. He is also probably doing quite a bit of harm to the relationship itself with these unsubstantiated accusations towards her. If he really really wants to damage the relationship he should ask her for a polygraph test. That will surely sink the boat. Based on my reading of every post I would say that if she takes and passes a polygraph, then he (along with several other posters) will just conclude that she either beat it or that polygraphs are unreliable. If his wife has cheated she ought to be very shamed. If she hasn't, god do I feel sorry for her - what a life she must have. 2
Realist3 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Based on my reading of every post I would say that if she takes and passes a polygraph, then he (along with several other posters) will just conclude that she either beat it or that polygraphs are unreliable. If his wife has cheated she ought to be very shamed. If she hasn't, god do I feel sorry for her - what a life she must have. Exactly. There is another thread on the cheating board which is pretty much the same. The guy had her take a poly and she passed and he still doesn't believe her. There are times when the person that suspects something is the person with the issue. And one of the problems with this board is that many posters will feed that paranoia to the destruction of the relationship. 2
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Exactly. There is another thread on the cheating board which is pretty much the same. The guy had her take a poly and she passed and he still doesn't believe her. There are times when the person that suspects something is the person with the issue. And one of the problems with this board is that many posters will feed that paranoia to the destruction of the relationship. Right on the money. I know which thread you refer to, as well. There are people who mean well that feed the paranoia, regardless, and then there are those who deliberately stir stuff up, just to see what happens. Without evidence OP, there is not much that can be done; you either come to terms with that, and give your wife a break-or don't, and deal with the initial fall out of your actions. Perhaps your suspicions are justified, and perhaps not. But without substantiated evidence, you'll never truly know. 1
Running Man Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Damned if he does and Damned if he doesn't. Overall I suggest just to follow your gut and go with it.
Darren Steez Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Interesting. Are posters supporting OP's theory of cheating even though she might have not? Not sure it's healthy to drive along a man's paranoia..
Realist3 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Interesting. Are posters supporting OP's theory of cheating even though she might have not? Not sure it's healthy to drive along a man's paranoia.. Yes, they are. But that is what happens here on a regular basis.
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Okay, we had a very long talk today.she says yes she hasbeen very aangry over a lot of issues.I had 3 surgey's over the winter which has hurt our finances.our grown children have been a pain in our asses causing us much worry and stress.she has takin it out on me, she said so.I have never really worried about anything.I don't know how I do it I just do.I haven't told her that everything will be ok because I never thought to.when she started blocking me out, so to speak, I started looking for the why.she works in an industry that is more or less a man's world and she is damn good at it.she has really helped alot of these men make alot of money.when they need something she has the right answers and the right solution.I can say after much investagation and interrogation she is the most upstanding reliable honest hardest working moat dependable responsable women I have ever known.I have taken her qualities for granted and yes I have forgotten that she is actually a human woman with needs and nurturing I wasn't giving her.I wasn't doing anything different than ever I just didn't see her struggling and she didn't want me to know she was.all the tects and phone calls were absolutly all business.I have put her thru hell the last few weeksand I regret ever doubting her.I will try and do better.Our marraige has been under attack both barrels have been shot right at us and with the good Lords help we will and have survived.Yes warning signs can be there and no affair or sexual misconduct.they were warnings that something was bad wrong and could have went that way quickly.These other men have relied on her to take care of them in there business dealings.if they weren't hood men she wrote them off and sent them packing The man that tect her the day I left was possibly "fishing"because he knew I left town.he says he was just checking in with her as he is looking for a new job and ahe might know of one, I say bs and if we can help hom to let us know.he didn't respond after that.there are a lot of men who have no morals and will do anything to get in someone's pants married or not. I can now say let them try.at least now I know what and what not to do as part of an investigation, lol.i cant blame them for tring to get my woman cauae she is truly one of a kind.I will be paying more attention to her and her needs from here on out.I will continue to check in here and if I can help any of you let me know.Without much prayer and communication we would have been done.
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I just don't really know anymore about anything. I try hard to not be so paranoid.maybe I am crazy.anyone ever heard of Caspio? What is it? Some knid of app manager I think .what is it for??
jnel921 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Check her phone records. It's easy to delete text messages however the back and forth will be available online. This is how I found out my H was making hundreds of calls and texts. When confronted what can she say?
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