Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Well no. We had about 3 dates in the span of about a month, just on the weekends, but texted daily. Then after the 3rd date things got weird. So I sent one message, no response. I waited a few more weeks, again no response. Then another month went by and I still didn't get an answer. So I sent another message. AND STILL NO ANSWER. All I wanted to know is are we still dating? Or should we just be friends so I knew where to put myself emotionally. That was ALL I needed. But he wouldn't even respond to that. And that's what pisses me off. Woah. Um, the first, and maybe the second lack of response was your answer. Following that up weeks later, and then a month later, asking if you're still dating? That kinda comes off as a crazy person.
Tinie Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Actually I'm with Jana. There is nothing more irritating than the sudden "fade away". Frankly it's immature. I'd rather get a "stop talking to me" in my face than a fade away, because it takes me a while before I realize that the guy is not interested (but I'm often not the most observant person so perhaps it is my fault). Leaving me hanging is just annoying. Because I continue expending energy on the person which I otherwise wouldn't if I got a direct response, no matter how douchey. But perhaps it is too much to expect adults to communicate as such. OP, this guy pulled the classic "fade away" because he didn't have the balls to face your response to his lack of interest. Maybe he was multi-dating and found someone else. Either way, someone like that isn't worth your energy expenditure. Forget about him and move on to someone else. 4
TheFinalWord Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 (edited) Yes Emilia, I have met him only three times, but the connection we had was so much deeper than that. We were chatting/texting for a whole month before we met, I've mentioned that. Through this time, I went through a death in my family. And even though we haven't even met, this guy took a day off from work to stay at home to make sure that I can talk to him whenever I need to. This guy sent me Valentine's Day flowers and presents even before we met. It took us so long to meet because he wanted to make sure the first date was perfect. He wouldn't let anyone else share his bed when his friends stayed over because he didn't think it would be right. Firstly, sorry for your heartache. I know it hurts and most of us have been recipients of the silent treatment. Here is my initial opinion... In the initial stages of dating, people are generally living in the moment. "I'm an open book" "I'm an adult during a break up" Reality is, after the honeymoon wears off, and incompatibility surfaces, those statements we said during the heat of the moment, take a back seat. My initial thought is that he may have met someone else. Or he suffered from the phoneship paradox. This is a phenomenon that is pretty unique to OLD. Let me explain..you meet someone on-line, his/her profile is great. Pics look great, profile is laden with philosophical quotes, great career, "I'm looking for a relationship" jargon in the profile. All the pieces fit. You both get caught up and enter the phoneship zone. This is when the two people spend weeks or months chatting on the phone and texting, before meeting. What this does is create a weird chemistry, in which you can build a fantasy of this person based on their OLD profile and great texting skills. When in reality you don't know the person. It's sort of like turning someone into a celebrity and then realizing, they put their pants on the same way we do haha What happens is then you meet the person and feel nothing in their physical presence. You try to feel something, but nope, not there. The thing is, when one (or both) realize nothing is there, and the phoneship is severed, it hurts. Like you've spent all this time getting to know someone, and it's gone without explanation. It's not fun, and why I would recommend using OLD as a way to connect and meet soon to determine actual compatibility. Maybe a couple of e-mails, and then make plans to meet. Edited July 8, 2013 by TheFinalWord 2
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Hey everyone, This issue has been bugging me for a LOOONGGGG time and I need more perspectives on this, both from men and women. Apparently it's pretty common cause a lot of my friends have been through this, but I just need answers! This in particular, relates to Australian men, and I have dated men from many different countries. So I met this guy online and we really hit it off. We were chatting/texting for over a month before we met, sometimes we spent HOURS just texting each other and he'd say things like he sees us in a long term relationship in the future etc. The first date was great, we ended up hanging out and chatting till 6 in the morning after a dinner date, it was all very romantic. Second date went well, just a simple dinner and movie date. Then things started getting confusing. He started feeling emo, and the next time we hung out, I stayed over at his for a weekend. (We didn't even have sex yet) He became all quiet and distant, we barely spoke. After that weekend, he started having some personal and family problems which he refused to tell me about. And all of a sudden, he totally pulled away from me, and talked to me less. I confronted him about it, he just kept saying he was busy, so I replied saying I would like to be involved in your life in some way or another even if you're busy. No response. Next time I asked him what exactly are we now, are we friends? Are we dating? Just let me know, I don't mind either way, I just want to know where we stand and I'll still care for him no matter what. No response again. Then I sent him an ultimatum saying something like, "You know where to find me when you figure things out. Goodbye." Then a few months after, we got back in touch once, and he says he's been hiding, but never said from what. And he gave me a "brb meeting" answer and NEVER came back. I am still so annoyed with this whole situation. Why do men just disappear when I outrightly ask for an answer? At least have some balls to tell me the truth, which he claims he is, but obviously not in this situation. Thanks friends! K Had a girl do this to me recently. Except she projected her rage at me instead of telling me what the real problem is. That lasted two weeks. Finally she told me the truth. If she had told me up front we could have been friends, but she turned out to be a total headcase. Sometimes I think people see they're getting too close or too open too fast and they pull away. Could be fear of intimacy, or any number of reasons. Could be they just don't like you and don't have the guts to say it. Be much better if they did though.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Firstly, sorry for your heartache. I know it hurts and most of us have been recipients of the silent treatment. Here is my initial opinion... In the initial stages of dating, people are generally living in the moment. "I'm an open book" "I'm an adult during a break up" Reality is, after the honeymoon wears off, and incompatibility surfaces, those statements we said during the heat of the moment, take a back seat. My initial thought is that he may have met someone else. Or he suffered from the phoneship paradox. This is a phenomenon that is pretty unique to OLD. Let me explain..you meet someone on-line, his/her profile is great. Pics look great, profile is laden with philosophical quotes, great career, "I'm looking for a relationship" jargon in the profile. All the pieces fit. You both get caught up and enter the phoneship zone. This is when the two people spend weeks or months chatting on the phone and texting, before meeting. What this does is create a weird chemistry, in which you can build a fantasy of this person based on their OLD profile and great texting skills. When in reality you don't know the person. It's sort of like turning someone into a celebrity and then realizing, they put their pants on the same way we do haha What happens is then you meet the person and feel nothing in their physical presence. You try to feel something, but nope, not there. The thing is, when one (or both) realize nothing is there, and the phoneship is severed, it hurts. Like you've spent all this time getting to know someone, and it's gone without explanation. It's not fun, and why I would recommend using OLD as a way to connect and meet soon to determine actual compatibility. Maybe a couple of e-mails, and then make plans to meet. Watcha mean by OLD? A lot of people keep using a lot of privy acronyms here. Is there a list? Lol
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Woah. Um, the first, and maybe the second lack of response was your answer. Following that up weeks later, and then a month later, asking if you're still dating? That kinda comes off as a crazy person. Well it is hard not to feel crazy when someone isn't acting like a mature adult enough to answer a simple question. Expecting someone to get the hint is nearly worst kind of bull**** anyone can play on another human being, next to spitting in their face. 2
Author kaydubz Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 (edited) Woah. Um, the first, and maybe the second lack of response was your answer. Following that up weeks later, and then a month later, asking if you're still dating? That kinda comes off as a crazy person. No, I only asked if we were dating the first time. The other times were just trying to find out what's going on with him. But he still wasn't able to answer any of my non-committal questions directly. I'm not a crazy person! This has been the only time this has been such an issue. I am the most casual person when it comes to dating, if you're into me, that's cool, if you're not, JUST SAY IT, simple as that. I tell other guys how I feel instead of avoiding the issue. Edited July 8, 2013 by kaydubz 1
Author kaydubz Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Watcha mean by OLD? A lot of people keep using a lot of privy acronyms here. Is there a list? Lol Think it's Online Dating
Author kaydubz Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Firstly, sorry for your heartache. I know it hurts and most of us have been recipients of the silent treatment. Here is my initial opinion... In the initial stages of dating, people are generally living in the moment. "I'm an open book" "I'm an adult during a break up" Reality is, after the honeymoon wears off, and incompatibility surfaces, those statements we said during the heat of the moment, take a back seat. My initial thought is that he may have met someone else. Or he suffered from the phoneship paradox. This is a phenomenon that is pretty unique to OLD. Let me explain..you meet someone on-line, his/her profile is great. Pics look great, profile is laden with philosophical quotes, great career, "I'm looking for a relationship" jargon in the profile. All the pieces fit. You both get caught up and enter the phoneship zone. This is when the two people spend weeks or months chatting on the phone and texting, before meeting. What this does is create a weird chemistry, in which you can build a fantasy of this person based on their OLD profile and great texting skills. When in reality you don't know the person. It's sort of like turning someone into a celebrity and then realizing, they put their pants on the same way we do haha What happens is then you meet the person and feel nothing in their physical presence. You try to feel something, but nope, not there. The thing is, when one (or both) realize nothing is there, and the phoneship is severed, it hurts. Like you've spent all this time getting to know someone, and it's gone without explanation. It's not fun, and why I would recommend using OLD as a way to connect and meet soon to determine actual compatibility. Maybe a couple of e-mails, and then make plans to meet. I like this explanation. Funniest thing is we both weren't even looking for a relationship when we started talking. It just happened later on, and I have a good head on my shoulders, I understand the building a fantasy in your head, which I have reminded him so many times to NOT do that. :shrug: 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Think it's Online Dating Should have known. It's pretty late. *rubs his head*
Author kaydubz Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Well it is hard not to feel crazy when someone isn't acting like a mature adult enough to answer a simple question. Expecting someone to get the hint is nearly worst kind of bull**** anyone can play on another human being, next to spitting in their face. Thank you
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Thank you I'd be more crazy if you stalked him, or showed up where he works or did something creepy and mean to him. Just sounds like it bugged the crap out of you. Can't say I've never been there.
Author kaydubz Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I'd be more crazy if you stalked him, or showed up where he works or did something creepy and mean to him. Just sounds like it bugged the crap out of you. Can't say I've never been there. Exactly. I have NEVER done that. And I don't intend to. It really bugged me and obviously still is.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Exactly. I have NEVER done that. And I don't intend to. It really bugged me and obviously still is. Don't let it bother you. Some people out there just don't have the stones to be honest to your face. It's not your fault as it's their problem. They have to deal with their kind of behavior in the future and now that he's out of the picture you wont.
TheFinalWord Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Watcha mean by OLD? A lot of people keep using a lot of privy acronyms here. Is there a list? Lol I believe there is actually. And welcome to the forums! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand (Interestingly, I do not see OLD on there, but yes, it means on-line dating. Another you will probably see a lot is IRL, which means in real life )
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I believe there is actually. And welcome to the forums! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand (Interestingly, I do not see OLD on there, but yes, it means on-line dating. Another you will probably see a lot is IRL, which means in real life ) Yeah, I just derped for a second with OLD. I didn't think this forum was only to discuss online dating lol.
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