tbf Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 A guy has a business trip or pre-planned vacation, such that quality time is diminished: He's not into me! A guy is sick with bronchitis and will hug and cuddle but doesn't want to kiss me and pass it on, such that physical touch is diminished: He's not into me! A guy doesn't compliment me today as he's always done before: He's not into me! Of course, I'm grossly exaggerating these things, but yeah - plenty of opportunity for anxiety! Understood. As a thought, try to gauge by pattern instead of situational one offs. It might help to reduce anxiety.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Understood. As a thought, try to gauge by pattern instead of situational one offs. It might help to reduce anxiety. I do, but it's the one-off break in pattern than makes me wig!
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Well, the bite the butt thing is a silly way that I express it... it's not a sexual thing. You know how when you see an over-the-top cute/adorable baby or dog and think, "I want to squish you and bite your face!"? Hopefully, you do. It's akin to that. I know the feeling, I feel that way about my cat 1
xxoo Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Well, the bite the butt thing is a silly way that I express it... it's not a sexual thing. You know how when you see an over-the-top cute/adorable baby or dog and think, "I want to squish you and bite your face!"? Hopefully, you do. It's akin to that. As for the question, a variety of ways. But at first, in the early stages, it seems more physically driven than anything else. It takes time for a relationship to develop for the other stuff to show it's face. It's the waiting game that makes me all anxious. I get the butt thing Yes, it is a waiting game. There simply is no way of knowing, for sure, if it will will stick with any one guy except through the test of time. And that's hard when you are really into him, and you get your hopes up. It's a balance of being open to passion and cautious at the same time. It's a struggle for many of us to enjoy the moment without worrying about future loss, in love and otherwise.
LittleTiger Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I do, but it's the one-off break in pattern than makes me wig! You're going to struggle in a LTR if you have a 'crisis of confidence' every time a guy does something slightly outside the norm. We all have bad days, even bad weeks, when we're not our usual selves and we might respond differently to our partner at those times. If you take it personally every time he hesitates for a millisecond before hugging you etc, you're going to be continually stressed - and that could very easily go full circle and destroy a great relationship.
Treasa Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 A guy has a business trip or pre-planned vacation, such that quality time is diminished: He's not into me! A guy is sick with bronchitis and will hug and cuddle but doesn't want to kiss me and pass it on, such that physical touch is diminished: He's not into me! A guy doesn't compliment me today as he's always done before: He's not into me! Of course, I'm grossly exaggerating these things, but yeah - plenty of opportunity for anxiety! This. I am absolutely positive that while there are a lot of aspects of you that ARE extremely confident and strong, there's still that insecurity or negative thinking that's happening somewhere along the line. You gave up a lot of yourself for Skiman. You thought another was THE one after your first date. I am certainly not trying to rain on your parade. I wouldn't post at all if I didn't care, and you know me better than to think I would just post to bring you down. But I'm also going to tell you what I honestly think. I've been there. I know EXACTLY what you mean and what you feel, trust me. But I still think you put these guys on pedestals and assign them far greater meaning than they should have in your life.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 You're going to struggle in a LTR if you have a 'crisis of confidence' every time a guy does something slightly outside the norm. Once I'm in a LTR, I don't have this anxiety. I'm speaking solely of the initial dating stages.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 You gave up a lot of yourself for Skiman. I don't disagree. It took me two years to get to that point. You thought another was THE one after your first date. Huh? Who? That's just not true. It's hard for me to listen to you when you twist things and make statements that just aren't true.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 This thread has me confused. So many different things talked about. Star, I think based on your omg omg omg feeling, I'd say you are just in the list stage. I wouldn't call it chemistry, most because I believe chemistry is something between two people that is KNOWN. I had intense chemistry with my man when we first met, he knew it, I knew it, I never doubted that he thought I was amazing because our chemistry was so intense, the things he did for me and said to me made it clear that he thought I was he greatest woman alive. To this day out chemistry is crazy intense. I think he is amazing and gorgeous, and he honestly is the hottest man alive. His looks with his personality? Amazing. I really think what you are experiencing is just a little insecurity about how HE feels about you. People may disagree, but I fully believe that if you are wondering if they see the X factor in you, that isn't chemistry. Chemistry is unwavering on both sides, you d
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 When I'm really into someone, I find myself thinking this to myself. Like... yowza. :love: I have to fan myself! And then I start kinda wigging out and worrying, because I don't think I'm the sexiest woman alive. "He" most often seems to think so, but I can't seem to understand how/why he'd ever think I'm as amazingly attractive and sexy as I think he is because he's just THAT HOT. And yet, I know that how I see him is totally subjective - the current guy is insanely hot to me, but when I showed him to a couple girlfriends, they didn't seem all that impressed. I definitely wouldn't say I think he's "better" than me, and I don't think I'd say I'm "insecure," but maybe I am? Or, maybe it's just because I want to bite his butt (aka like him a lot)? Can anyone relate to this? I think you're over thinking this a bit too much. You're also selling him short saying he's THAT HOT and then comparing yourself to him, to try and convince yourself of something. lol How about you just be happy you found someone you like?
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I really think what you are experiencing is just a little insecurity about how HE feels about you. People may disagree, but I fully believe that if you are wondering if they see the X factor in you, that isn't chemistry. Chemistry is unwavering on both sides. I'm not so sure I agree with the bolded. There have been times where I felt like there was chemistry, but it wasn't true on his side. There have been times when the guy felt there was chemistry, but it wasn't true on my side.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 This thread has me confused. So many different things talked about. Star, I think based on your omg omg omg feeling, I'd say you are just in the list stage. I wouldn't call it chemistry, most because I believe chemistry is something between two people that is KNOWN. I had intense chemistry with my man when we first met, he knew it, I knew it, I never doubted that he thought I was amazing because our chemistry was so intense, the things he did for me and said to me made it clear that he thought I was he greatest woman alive. To this day out chemistry is crazy intense. I think he is amazing and gorgeous, and he honestly is the hottest man alive. His looks with his personality? Amazing. I really think what you are experiencing is just a little insecurity about how HE feels about you. People may disagree, but I fully believe that if you are wondering if they see the X factor in you, that isn't chemistry. Chemistry is unwavering on both sides, you d Unfortunately, some people get so insecure they often screw up their chemistry.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm not so sure I agree with the bolded. There have been times where I felt like there was chemistry, but it wasn't true on his side. There have been times when the guy felt there was chemistry, but it wasn't true on my side. This is where we will have to agree o disagree. A connection is easy to just feel on one side, I've had guys feel a connection... But chemistry is something that I have felt few times, and it ALWAYS was a two way street. I believe chemistry goes beyond feelings, it is a natural magnet, and I think it is impossible to have one way chemistry.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Unfortunately, some people get so insecure they often screw up their chemistry. Haha! This, I believe to be true.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 This is where we will have to agree o disagree. A connection is easy to just feel on one side, I've had guys feel a connection... But chemistry is something that I have felt few times, and it ALWAYS was a two way street. I believe chemistry goes beyond feelings, it is a natural magnet, and I think it is impossible to have one way chemistry. Even if we disagree, we're just arguing semantics. Fact is, whatever you call "it", it can be felt by one side, and not the other.
Treasa Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Huh? Who? That's just not true. It's hard for me to listen to you when you twist things and make statements that just aren't true. I think this was the thread that gave me that notion: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/277033-i-think-i-just-had-my-last-first-kiss No worries about not listening to me, though. You're one of those learn by experience types, just like I am.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I think this was the thread that gave me that notion: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/277033-i-think-i-just-had-my-last-first-kiss No worries about not listening to me, though. You're one of those learn by experience types, just like I am. You're pulling up a random thread from two years ago? Where I changed my tune quickly and swiftly within a week? I don't even remember who that dude was; he obviously didn't leave an impression. The fact you remembered that and dug it up is almost creepy. Should I start pulling up all your old threads when you start waxing about how perfect your relationship is and has been? Or would you like to have people give you the benefit of experience?
Janesays Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 You're pulling up a random thread from two years ago? Where I changed my tune quickly and swiftly within a week? I don't even remember who that dude was; he obviously didn't leave an impression. The fact you remembered that and dug it up is almost creepy. Should I start pulling up all your old threads when you start waxing about how perfect your relationship is and has been? Or would you like to have people give you the benefit of experience? I highly doubt that she would have bothered to pull up that thread if you didn't outright accuse her of 'twisting your words.' Do not blame her because you can never seem to get your story straight. Frankly, I'm sick of all the back peddling you do when the situation fails to match your current agenda. Grow up and take responsibility for your own words. I'm happy that you seem to be very into this new guy and I hope it works out for you. But don't start threads about if if you don't want people to respond honestly. Seriously.
Treasa Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 You're pulling up a random thread from two years ago? Where I changed my tune quickly and swiftly within a week? I don't even remember who that dude was; he obviously didn't leave an impression. The fact you remembered that and dug it up is almost creepy. Should I start pulling up all your old threads when you start waxing about how perfect your relationship is and has been? Or would you like to have people give you the benefit of experience? You can pull up anything you'd like, just like anyone else can. I simply remember things very well (memory isn't something I can turn on or off), but since you claimed you never said such a thing, I wanted to go back and look to make sure I hadn't mis-remembered. A lot of my behavior in the past has been absolute crap. I'd love for people to realize that you can make a lot of mistakes and become a better person. I'm not ashamed of my past. I was merely mentioning examples that lead me to believe that you idealize men too quickly.
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