kaylan Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Do you feel like you're going to burst? I mean, when I meet and start dating someone I really connect with and am excited about (it happens less often than I'm letting on), I feel like a teenage girl inside. I wish I could be a fly on the wall in a guy's place/office/car/wherever to hear these conversations. I think it would calm these doubts/fears a hell of a whole lot. Yes this happens to guys, provided we REALLY like the girl. If shes just some hot chick we arent smitten by, then youre right in thinking Ill say "yeah score". But if shes hot and sexy on top of having me smitten, I will think shes the sexiest girl on earth and think about her almost constantly. I dont feel like Im going to burst until Im close to being in love though, personally.
xxoo Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I *think* I don't think men think/behave the same way, with all sorts of crazy giddiness and excitement and squealing behind a closed front door after the first kiss. You know? I think they think, "Yeah, score for me!" but not, "OMGOMGOMGOMG she is the hottest woman EVER! I want to just nibble her to death! Argghhh! SQUEEEEE!" Ya know? I wouldn't know. He certainly doesn't know. I don't show the guys this!! Haha!! There is no certainty, but there are tells. The way my h looks at me is different. It's always been that way. There was no question in my mind that he was deeply attracted to me in the beginning. Lust is difficult to hide. 1
hppr Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I think that somewhere in your mind, and I'm certain you'll argue this, the "ideal guy" (which they all seem to be in the beginning) is number one, and you are number two. Yeap I know several girls and guys like that, they put the seemingly-ideal man/woman on a pedestal without regard for anything else, they're madly in love for a few months and then *POOF* what a jerk!
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I never felt a girl was so hot that I wondered why she was with me. Let me be verrrrrry clear here. I do not feel this way, and never have. I have never been with a guy and questioned why he liked me, ever. Really. I just find him soooooo hot and I get soooooo excited by him, that I think there's no way he (or anyone on the planet) could find me as hot and exciting, because I just find him super duper insanely hot that no one (including myself!) could beat that excitement. Lol, is OP the same person who in another thread tried to tell us how women dont react visually to men and how she doesnt become attracted to some guys mostly by how they look? Because this situation sounds largely appearance driven You're apparently not reading this thread. I actually said that my friends aren't impressed by the guys I choose to date. This is because objectively, they're not that cute. Really. Their looks aren't all that. I just think they are, after I get to know them. I'm not drawn to them like a moth to a flame based on what they look like alone, contrary to what you keep telling me. Just some advice to ladies out there. Ive had a few girls put me on a pedestal and consider me super hot. I consider myself ok, and while the attention is nice, it does get annoying after a little while. I also like a girl to think shes the sh!!t as well. I might compliment him here and there, but he never knows the inner workings of my head. If there's a pedestal, he doesn't know it. And it gets really bad if the girl combines her adoration for me with any self deprecation. No one likes to hear someone whos down on themselves, especially if it makes me feel like they are down on themselves because they compare themselves to me. Never done that either. I actually find self-deprecation unattractive 99% of the time, even when it's clear it's a joke.
hppr Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Do you feel like you're going to burst? Maybe if I'm drunk and really horny. I'm told I have a 'special look' that I give girls I really like, although I am unaware of it.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 There is no certainty, but there are tells. The way my h looks at me is different. It's always been that way. There was no question in my mind that he was deeply attracted to me in the beginning. Lust is difficult to hide. That is true...
MrCastle Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I used to think that way when I was younger, but a few things: 1.) Gushing to my friends was probably seen as bragging to them, so I stopped 2.) I felt like it would jinx my chances if I kept going on and on about them 3.) I don't put women on pedestals anymore. I don't see women as out of my league or too sexy for me or "what is she doing with me?" -- my confidence is such that if I was dating a Ms. Universe (or Melanie Iglesias ) I'd say to myself "Well, yeah. Of course she's dating me."
Divasu Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Can anyone relate to this? Another person's looks doesn't make me feel inferior. Their intelligence level has in the past where I thought to myself "I wonder if this guy thinks I am an airhead". I tend to be bubbly on occasion and I like to joke around a lot in person. And yes, when I am into a guy, there is no other man on the planet that compares to him on ANY level.
MrCastle Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Oh I should have added, more to the overall point of the thread and not so much where inferiority complexes might come into play -- any woman I date I feel is the sexiest woman alive. But I don't get that "teenage girl" giddy feeling you described, because as I said, I expect to date women I feel are the sexiest alive in my eyes. I'm not gonna date a woman I felt was "meh," or "she's pretty hot but not the sexiest." -- This is not just physical but personality as well. Every woman I date I feel (at that time) was the sexiest girl of all time. I could have had others, but I picked her for a reason. I just don't get giddy about it.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Another person's looks doesn't make me feel inferior. His attractiveness doesn't make me feel unattractive. I just don't think I'm as OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!-provoking HOT as I find him to be. Does that make sense?
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Oh I should have added, more to the overall point of the thread and not so much where inferiority complexes might come into play -- any woman I date I feel is the sexiest woman alive. But I don't get that "teenage girl" giddy feeling you described, because as I said, I expect to date women I feel are the sexiest alive in my eyes. I'm not gonna date a woman I felt was "meh," or "she's pretty hot but not the sexiest." -- This is not just physical but personality as well. Every woman I date I feel (at that time) was the sexiest girl of all time. I could have had others, but I picked her for a reason. I just don't get giddy about it. Thank you (specifically, for not getting caught up in the "inferior" discussion, as that wasn't the point I was trying to aim for). I am the same way. In fact, it's this gut feeling of whether I think he's the sexiest man alive that's usually the turning point/dealbreaker for me. He can be awesome, totally handsome, funny, gentleman, with his sh*t together, etc., etc., and if I don't feel that "He's the sexiest man alive!" feeling for him... I usually try, and try hard, to make it work - because hey, he's a really good guy! - I end up bailing. I NEED to feel that feeling for him. And it has really nothing to do with looks (as kaylan is trying to say), but a whole package and particularly the connection that is felt (and I hope to grow). I don't know why I keep thinking of the phrase, but I feel like, "I want to bite his butt!" Don't know what that's about.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I used to think that way when I was younger, but a few things: 1.) Gushing to my friends was probably seen as bragging to them, so I stopped 2.) I felt like it would jinx my chances if I kept going on and on about them Good points, although 2.) I think is stronger. 3.) I don't put women on pedestals anymore. I don't see women as out of my league or too sexy for me or "what is she doing with me?" -- my confidence is such that if I was dating a Ms. Universe (or Melanie Iglesias ) I'd say to myself "Well, yeah. Of course she's dating me." I don't either, and I'm disappointed that it came across that way.
Divasu Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 His attractiveness doesn't make me feel unattractive. I just don't think I'm as OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!-provoking HOT as I find him to be. Does that make sense? If by the above you mean, you aren't sure if he finds you as 'equally' OMG HOT, whereas he is as captivated with you physically as you are with him, than yes, it makes sense. But, wouldn't that merely fall into the category of mutual interest levels?
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I still think this about my guy. It's the X Factor. Pure unadulterated chemistry!! Maybe that's all it is. Maybe what I'm speaking of is really just what "chemistry" really is. And we all know that we can feel "chemistry" for someone, and they don't feel it for us, or that they can feel it for us, and it's not returned. It's been not-returned enough, that it causes me anxiety. That's all.
xxoo Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 His attractiveness doesn't make me feel unattractive. I just don't think I'm as OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!-provoking HOT as I find him to be. Does that make sense? No, because he's not objectively that OMG hot, either. It's a function of the chemistry, and there is no reason that he couldn't be effected the same way. I wouldn't assume he is without evidence, but I also wouldn't assume he isn't. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 No, because he's not objectively that OMG hot, either. It's a function of the chemistry, and there is no reason that he couldn't be effected the same way. I wouldn't assume he is without evidence, but I also wouldn't assume he isn't. See my post immediately above yours. I think *that's* what it really comes down to, for me. The fear of one-sided chemistry. Ha.
tbf Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Star, it appears that one of your priority languages of love is verbal compliments where if they're not given, does this provoke anxiety? 1
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Okay, now I get the point of the OP, so I'm going to 'edit' my first post... Thinking about it, I most certainly have experienced that crazy-making "OMGOMGOMG he's so HOT" feeling with a lot of guys, but I have never been particularly generous with verbalizing it. It's mostly my actions that communicate this--burning looks, lots of kisses, wanting to be close to them, always touching them, wanting lots of sex. And the guys I've been with have communicated that feeling to me in the same way. I haven't really ever been unsure that a guy was feeling the same way about me attraction-wise, unless a relationship was going downhill. A few of them have been more verbally communicative of their attraction to/lust for me than others--saying they wanted to stay in bed with me for a whole week, they felt like they couldn't stop kissing me, etc. I've even had a couple of guys go down on me (with no prompting) and say they never really liked doing it before but with me they couldn't help themselves, they just wanted all of me. Right. I don't verbalize it either, I show them. And some of them have behaved the same way yours have. I guess, in waiting for it to get there, I'm left wondering, "Do they wanna bite my butt too?"
xxoo Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 See my post immediately above yours. I think *that's* what it really comes down to, for me. The fear of one-sided chemistry. Ha. Sexual chemistry and attraction is evidenced the way HoneyBadger describes above--lots of magnetic need for contact, touching, kissing, sex. The thing is, while that is the "x factor" for you being really into a man, it might not be the "x factor" for a man. A man could feel all that and maybe just want lots of sex for a couple months...and then feel it for another woman and get bored. That feeling might be easier to come by for them. Their "x factor" may be something different--more of an emotional tug than a sexual one, as that may be harder for them to find with a woman.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Star, it appears that one of your priority languages of love is verbal compliments where if they're not given, does this provoke anxiety? My love languages are a pretty even mix of words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. I need all three, so that if one of them is missing or weak (in my mind, even if not a reasonable assessment), I get anxious.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Sexual chemistry and attraction is evidenced the way HoneyBadger describes above--lots of magnetic need for contact, touching, kissing, sex. The thing is, while that is the "x factor" for you being really into a man, it might not be the "x factor" for a man. A man could feel all that and maybe just want lots of sex for a couple months...and then feel it for another woman and get bored. That feeling might be easier to come by for them. Their "x factor" may be something different--more of an emotional tug than a sexual one, as that may be harder for them to find with a woman. Right; I get that our hooks/x-factors are different, and that's what causes my nerves, because I am unclear if/when he feels the x-factor for me.
tbf Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 My love languages are a pretty even mix of words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. I need all three, so that if one of them is missing or weak (in my mind, even if not a reasonable assessment), I get anxious.Yes, I guessed you had more than one based on pattern. So with these three top necessities, it would help to explain part of the reason why when you're into someone, it generates anxiety so often. 1
xxoo Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Right; I get that our hooks/x-factors are different, and that's what causes my nerves, because I am unclear if/when he feels the x-factor for me. Trying to figure out if he wants to bite your butt might be the wrong focus in figuring out if he feels the x factor. The question is, how do men show they are really into a woman beyond sexually? 2
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Yes, I guessed you had more than one based on pattern. So with these three top necessities, it would help to explain part of the reason why when you're into someone, it generates anxiety so often. A guy has a business trip or pre-planned vacation, such that quality time is diminished: He's not into me! A guy is sick with bronchitis and will hug and cuddle but doesn't want to kiss me and pass it on, such that physical touch is diminished: He's not into me! A guy doesn't compliment me today as he's always done before: He's not into me! Of course, I'm grossly exaggerating these things, but yeah - plenty of opportunity for anxiety!
Author Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Trying to figure out if he wants to bite your butt might be the wrong focus in figuring out if he feels the x factor. The question is, how do men show they are really into a woman beyond sexually? Well, the bite the butt thing is a silly way that I express it... it's not a sexual thing. You know how when you see an over-the-top cute/adorable baby or dog and think, "I want to squish you and bite your face!"? Hopefully, you do. It's akin to that. As for the question, a variety of ways. But at first, in the early stages, it seems more physically driven than anything else. It takes time for a relationship to develop for the other stuff to show it's face. It's the waiting game that makes me all anxious.
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